To expect our parents to BUTT OUT??!!

[LavenderStar]

DP is Jewish but I am not. It has never been a problem, he was brought up in the faith but it isn't a big part of his life now, although he doesn't eat pork or shellfish. His parents are more religious, don't mix meat and milk, go to synagogue etc. but don't have any problem with the way he chooses to live his life now or with me.

Anyway I am 25 weeks and if we have a boy we decided to have him circumcised. It was never a big discussion between us, I actually prefer it (I think it looks nicer and somehow it seems more hygenic) and DP I think wants to do it more as a traditional thing than anything else and obviously every other man in his family has had it done. I think his parents might go so far as to get upset if we didn't although I don't know. But frankly it is nothing to do with his parents.

Anyway so my mother phones up today even though she knows we are going on holiday tomorrow and have a million and one things to do at home and at work, and I told my dad I would speak to her when I got back. Obviously though what she wanted to do was more important and she told me that she was phoning as something had been "bothering" her. She thinks circumcision is "an unecessary procedure" (to put a baby/child under anesthetic) and potentially dangerous (eg they could cut too much off). I actually don't know much about it but we would have it done in a hospital and I am sure it would be fine in this day and age. I am not sure what it has got to do with her anyway.

My parents don't have a religion and have always been very supportive of whatever I have wanted to do in life. I am not sure if she has started interfering now because I am pregnant or because it is actually something we need to consider more thoroughly. What does everyone think?

Also now I just think it will cause a problem between the families whatever we decide to do and everyone has always got on really well. I don't know why parents think they have the right to shove their opinions down our throat, it makes me really angry. DP's mother is already slightly neurotic and we already have to "manage" her, so I could really do without this, I feel like telling them BOTH to f* off!!

Or is it just my hormones?

Going by her 1st post I think she is now (or almost about to go) on holiday-which I hope she enjoys. I personally would not have rung a child of mine about such a sensitive issue at this time. I think the OP & her OH are getting equal amounts of pressure from both mums-obviously on opposite sides of the fence. Having read most of this thread I don't think she will now be swayed just because of aesthetic or relious reasons. Hope so anyway-she and her OH sound like very reasonable people and don't deserve some of the comments that have been made against them.

the comments weren't made against them, the OP and her partner

shock and outrage was expressed against the practice of non-medical circumcision

the OP should feel perfectly comfortable to come back, even though the overwhelming conclusion is that she should not allow it to happen

Well, I suppose people are commenting on the practice of circumcision, not the jewish or moslem practice of circumcision.

Is hard because you just know when you post about circumcision, saying that you think it's wrong when done to a non-consenting baby, it is inevitable that someone will make the comment that you are criticising moslems or jews.

But actually an increasing number of jewish families are choosing not to circumcise.

And I think it would be wrong for people not to be able to express concern at infant circumcision out of fear that they would be branded racist or offensive to religious groups.

I have read the whole of this thread (and taken part), and I don't think that there have been any personal attacks on the OP. There have been heated attacks on this practice.

I am sorry she was upset my the tone of the debate, but she was very naive to post this topic on AIBU.

She also has not thought through how or why she wants this done. Hopefully if she comes back she will know more now.

She only said she would like it done under GA when it was pointed out to her that a traditional Jewish circumcision is not done under GA. If she wants this done for religious reasons then this makes no sense

Fuck me, I started watching that video and had to turn it off.

Why do they not use anaesthetic? Surely there is a risk of the baby going into shock with the pain?

What the fuck is wrong with people.

(shakes head and will feel ill all day)

Sorry for all the swearing there.

i think im going to feel sick all day too DWP.

i can't get over the father asking the doctor about anaesthetic and the "doctor" is all "hmm? what?"

"I have never understood why people look at a penis and think "Well, that bit obviously wasn't meant to be there - someone, somewhere's made a mistake. We'll have to chop it off"

Do religious people think "OK, God decided that he wants us to chop a bit off this baby to prove that he's a member of the faith, so in His infinite mercy and compassion He added an extra bit so that we would have something to cut off?"

I'm not being deliberately obtuse, I really don't get it."

Please will someone explain to me?

The OP needs to discuss this issue properly with her DH. This is all about his CHOICE, not about religious obligation.

The OP's DH has chosen not to marry within his faith. This means that his children, male or female, will never be technically Jewish unless the OP converts. They will not, for example, be allowed to attend a Jewish school.

He chooses not to eat pork or shellfish, but does not keep a kosher household. However, he chooses to celebrate Jewish festivals .

His family, although observant, are liberal enough to have fully accepted the OP as a DIL.

Under these circumstances, getting his son circumcised will not make his son MORE Jewish. I know several Jewish families who have chosen not to circumsise their sons, but who still observe festivals and regard themselves as culturally Jewish.

It is certainly very common to find all varieties of opinion and practice on the subject within mixed families.

If the OP's DH feels very strongly about the issue, then so be it. But she states in her OP
"It was never a big discussion between us...
and DP I think wants to do it more as a traditional thing than anything else".

Surely this indicates that he may be open to debate?