to not want strangers to touch dd?

[mookickkick]

On the bus, in shops, on the street... Would it be rude to tell them NO DON'T TOUCH HER? She chews her hands all the time and the thought of all those germs -- yuck.

A complex about other human beings, that they are all scary/dirty/mean them harm. This is not a healthy attitude to imbibe in a child, and it is the message they will get if other people are untouchable.

You might not stop your children having messy play, but there is a poster on here who makes visitors use alcohol gel before touching her baby. That's mad.

I totally agree with you Georgimama.

I also love it when people coo over my kids. Lots of people don't get any contact with little children/babies and you can see it makes their day. It's lovely.

georgimama!!!

I'm not like that and my DS1 has lots of allergies...

I think it's lovely that people want to touch my babies. It might make me wince a little if they were filthy but unless there was a medical reason as some posters have said, there is really no harm going to be done is there?

When you live on your own, you never touch another person from one day to the next. For elderly women especially, the feel of a baby's skin brings back precious memories of the happiest times in their lives. I remember at the nursing home where my Dad was, on the day he died, being in the lounge with DS2 who was 6 months old. Two ancient ladies were making a fuss of him. One was grotesquely thin, a skeleton covered with skin, grinning and laughing. I was terrified that DS2 would be scared of her but he was too young to be bothered. The care assistant said that she had fostered many children throughout her life - it must have made her day to have a baby to coo over.

As someone who used to have cleanliness-related OCD, I have seen several posts on here which ring bells to me.

I was once when a woman I knew only vaguely got DS2 out of his pushchair without asking me, right in front of me, to hold him on her lap. But why would I say anything? She wasn't stealing him, she wanted to have a cuddle. It's a compliment.

balloonslayer great post.

I got so feed up with the looks and comments (and touching) that I stopped going out on my own with ds. I really couldn't face it. I do find it out that as a society we are very hands off unless it is other people's babies.

hilarious! those whom are anti-strangers touching state our case - those whom are pro-strangers touching are insulting those of us who are against... why? Why not just politely state why you are pro-touching instead of insulting the people who have a different opinion to you?

I'm not ocd, I am not precious , I don't have a complex so I won't be passing whatever complex you have invented onto my child.

I don't like to be touched my strangers, therefore I don't like my baby to be touched by strangers.

I don't see why I should compromise myself to cheer up a complete stranger who I will never see again.

If you are happy to let strangers touch you and your child then good for you, but don't patronise those who don't.

Sorry Balloon Slayer.

I didn't mean that all parents with children with allergies are precious about them, I mean parents who are precious about their children invariably have children with "allergies" - I know what I mean....

"I don't see why I should compromise myself to cheer up a complete stranger who I will never see again."

It's called humanity.

One day you'll be old, and lonely, and perhaps a bit loopy, and you'll see a beautiful child in a pushchair and go to stroke his face, and some barking mother will whip their child away and look at you like you're a leper.

How will you feel? Like shit.

Have fun with that.

rebee, I thought your comment "It's not the responsibility of me or my baby to "brighten up" the day of strangers." was a very good point.

I do have a problem with the germs issue. At some point your baby will be toilet trained, and he or she will be using a public toilet frequented by the filthy non-handwashing people you describe. I can tell you now, that unless you have got your head around the germs thing by then, you will be driven to the edge of a nervous breakdown by your child: touching everything in sight, sitting on a dirty loo seat, fiddling with the sanitary bin, if male resting his little willy over the dirty rim of the loo, trying to pick up a stray bit of loo roll that's on the floor "to be helpful." Gaaaaaah! It's a nightmare. The sooner you can convince yourself that germs are everywhere and not as harmful as you once thought, the better for you.

What happened to loving thy neighbour, treating others as you would want to be treated, having compassion and empathy?

It really makes an old dears day to be able to pat a small child, why not let them?

We will (hopefully) all be old dears ourselves one day...

What has happened to our society

Non-touchers - do you also feel anxious about other parents that you meet at say post-natal, older children of friends, other children that you meet out and about, at toddler groups baby groups etc etc?

Or is it only old people that are a problem?

YANBU at all, I hate people touching my DC. FOr those that are saying YABU, would you like a stragner to touch you? This is the same thing imo. Why is it okay to touch a baby you don't know when you wouldn't do that to an adult.

Unfortunately no easy way to stop people doing it.

Babies are different to adults though.

Is it abnormal when my friends come round and want to hold my newborn? They sure as hell don't want to hold me

georgimama: you have totally lost credibility with that very weak arguement. Surely you can do better?

"it's called humanity" - am I inhumane now?

"One day you'll be old, and lonely, and perhaps a bit loopy, and you'll see a beautiful child in a pushchair and go to stroke his face, and some barking mother will whip their child away and look at you like you're a leper" - Oh come off it, what a ridiculous thing to say!

Again, I state my case. Why are being so defensive? Why can't you just accept that some people don't like it. Aren't you going to teach you child that you shouldn't let someone touch them if makes them feel uncomfortable?

Perhaps if people showed some manners and respect and asked the mother before they touched the child then there would be nothing to discuss. There are plenty of mums out there who don't have a problem with it so they should go an bother them and not be offended when I move their hands away from my baby and I ask them not to touch.

It's those people who are imposing themselves on me and my child when we are minding our own business that are causing the uncomfortable and unwanted confrontation.

I am having lots fun georgimama... but I am geting v bored with this pointless thread. I thought this was a forum to share thoughts not insult each other.

Goodnight dear

Also wondering why it os that when somebody posts a thread about being annoyed at somebody touching their pg bump, then everyone says YANBU, how annoying it is. But its okay to let those people then touch your baby!

Totally agree Rebee!

This reminds me of the mothers day thread.

How has our society come to this? It is disgusting for an old lady to pat a child on the head and they should know better? As they have germs and will contaminate the child?

Do you lot know how you sound?

FWIW georgie isn't the one sounding defensive.

I remember having really strong emotional reactions to people touching/holding my DS when he was first born to the point where I was nearly in tears one time because my (lovely) SIL insisted on trying to soothe him when he was crying. Of course I now realise that she was only trying to help but I read somewhere recently that it is a very common for new mums to feel like this and I think it makes sense; I was on red alert about everything to begin with - feeding, sleeping, breathing! I don't think your feelings are unreasonable but I agree that it might be quite devasting to be told "don't touch!", depends how it was done.

I feel your pain..lol..but you just have to get the wipes out after!

just think your bubs must be so cute they just have to touch! I have to make a real effort not to when I see a particularly cute one myself..plus it's good for the likkle ones immune system (surely)

Everyone wanted to touch my baby so I just had wipes to hand and unless they were particularly scary.

pfffffffft !

I am hardcore, I let the guy selling the Big Issue kiss me !! only on the cheek mind, but he definitely was a bit whiffy and certainly had not very clean hands, but christ on a bike, his life is shitey shitola and a hug and a kiss would hopefully have given him soemthing to smile about

agree with georgiemama

i always think people who do this with babies and children are often lonely, isolated people, craving human contact.

just give a little, the world would be a far better place

Well said Lulumama.

I'm still chuckling over the gel

This argument is the tip of a massive iceberg methinks, bringing to mind the privatisation of the family, the disappearing community and overly- sanitised "cotton-wool kids"

All very emotive, clearly. I personally have been surprised that there are so many people out there who are so strongly in the anti-touching camp. I respect their right to feel like that. However I can't help but find it a bit sad that people have such a problem with human contact nowadays. I guess that's life in our 21st century bubble for you.

x post Lulumama

i don;t oftne kiss random strangers the way i see it, my children and i are healthy, we can stand to take a few germs. as newborns, i understand that it is different as they have less immunity and seem so much more fragile and vulnerable. but i do thikn we all cut ourselves off a lot , not just from contact physically, but emotionally, as we are so busy in our own lives that we don;t think why does that person want to touch /stroke my child?