to not want strangers to touch dd?

[mookickkick]

On the bus, in shops, on the street... Would it be rude to tell them NO DON'T TOUCH HER? She chews her hands all the time and the thought of all those germs -- yuck.

If you are actually spending time fretting over strangers with dirty hands touching your precious child then I think you've all got far too much time on your hands!

Children live in the real world and are provided with an immune system to help them deal with 'bugs'. Contact with people other than family can only be a good thing and it's a pretty sad sort of world when we don't want people to touch us in good will.

If your child has a compromised immune system or severe allergy than you might have a point but otherwise you need to relax a bit!

I agree that a sling is a good idea if you can. I used one with my little boy so I could see and talk to my little boy at frist but it had the massive bonuse of stopping people from touching him and saying 'what a sweet little girl you have'...(he was dressed in blue with a blue blanket...little-yes...girl- no way).
I did have the odd person try to touch him if I used the pram I just said 'please dont HE is teething and teeth are sharp'

Please note for me it was not that strangers have dirty hands (dirt is good for there immune system-as so many people have said). Its the fact that I think it rude to touch a baby with out knowing them or asking.

YABU, please tell me I'm not the only one in the world happy to let a stranger hold their baby or stroke their cheek. It brings a smile to most people and that's such a nice thing.

Also I remember a time in Tesco when DS was about 2 months old I was at the checkout with a SCREAMING DS and was practically in tears trying to placate him and pack the shopping. The woman behind me asked if there was anything she could do to help and was very grateful when she got DS out of his seat and just held him.

also, who ever mentioned eczema - it's not contagious ffs.

Libra - i think the mention of eczema was on the BABY ie making the baby being touched more vulnerable to infection from dirt entering the sore skin........

op- yanbu. i have no issues with strangers asking to hold my baby and i will let them (i have two, so its not just about precious first borns!)but i DO have issues with UNIVITED contact, as you describe in your post. Same with being prgenant, I think its ok as long as people ask first.

I have had the same experience as loubeylou re old lady not washing hands in toilets then attempting to touch my younger baby. i told her straight, not to, as that is disgusting. No excuse for not washing hands - ok it may not kill you but who wants a ten week old baby with e.coli poisoning.....

No Libra, don't worry, there are some sane people here too.

ah I see, I apologise to the poster for misreading about the eczema.

georgimama - it is lovely isn't it to see how a baby brightens up someones day!

Most people's day, yes.

What concerns me about this trend for thinking that your baby is your property and must not be touched/intefered with in any way by someone who is not you, and that only you understand how precious this little bundle is, is that it is part of the same mindset that leads to isolation, loneliness and possibly depression in new mothers.

Other people won't break your baby and might - as in Libra's example - actually be able to help, even in the most minute ways, and we could all do with that.

Don't mind well-meaning strangers taking an interest in dd, but sometimes people go too far.

For example, when dd was only a few weeks old a young bloke at the supermarket was stroking her cheek and cooing away whilst I was distracted by packing the shopping and preventing ds from running off, climbing, taking items out of other people's baskets etc. I turned round to find he had popped his finger in her mouth and she was sucking away merrily. Yuk..

from the germ point of view YABU she has an immune system for that. However, my DD does not like being touched by strangers, she isn't overly shy but i would really rather people didn't do it. I don't want my personal space invaded by people touching me, why can't my DD be afforded the same respect?

My DD is three though and as a baby it didn't really bother me so long as there were no fingers in mouths!! lol

I think touching other peoples children is as rude and inappropriate as touching adults. I didn't get alot of this thankfully. Babies aren't kittens. I would have said something if it had happened alot. Why should I care about upsetting a stranger? they are upsetting me by inapproproiately and unnecessarily touching my child. Being an old lady is no excuse for not having any manners. Hands off!

I hate it when strangers talk to or touch DS. You wouldn't walk up to an adult you didn't know and comment on how they look while stroking their face. lol.

The thing is I don't know this person, who they are, what they are into or whether they are genuinly nice or a complete nut job. It is kind of sad not to trust people but I'd rather be on the safe side.

A guy on the bus gave DS 20p for an ice pole once, which was very sweet, and I beleive he was just being nice, but I am trying to teach DS not to talk to strangers, or take sweets from them.

Plus, I ALWAYS end up sat next to the slightly strange old lady who wants to tell me her life story. There is one on every bus, and she's sat next to me!!!!

oooh and people ALWAYS call DS 'she'!!!!!!

Just a thought here... I wonder if there is any regional variation in how people feel about this. I live in the North East of England & this is a bit of a generalisation but strangers and people in shops and the street do talk more and I often get people talking to DS and giving him the odd pat. I don't mind TBH - they are usually just old dears in the supermarket. However where my folks live in the south east if you chat to a sales assistant or ask a stranger something they look at you like you're some kind of weirdo more often than not!

Also TBH with me and DH being a couple of old mingers I am secretly relieved that many complete strangers come up to me with DS in public and remark on how cute / gorgeous he is. I've even had people pressing a coin into his hand (a custom up here and in Scotland I believe).

YANBU My friends have a little bottle of gel to desinfect the hands of people who come to admire their new baby. Of course when out and about it can be tricky.
My MIL touches young children she meets in the streets / shops/ etc. Even sits them in her lap. Argh. I hate it. If I were the mum I would go mad at seeing a stranger patting my child in that way.
DS had reflux, so I would warn people not get too close or they would catch the vomit

YANBU, DS was premature and still quite small when he was discharged from hospital. We were actually told by the hospital staff not let people touch him when we were out and about. Small babies look very cute and people love to touch them, but they can be quite vulnerable to germs and infections. This is less of a problem with an older baby, but I still don't think strangers should touch without asking first.

I used to say "do you mind touching his feet, not his hands, because he puts his hands in his mouth and it's not very hygienic". No one ever looked offended so far as I noticed. And I agree with carrying baby wipes.

I think it's outrageous that complete strangers think that they are entitled to touch whomever they want just because they are small and unable to say no.

I would not tolerate a stanger grabbing my hand or stroking my face, as a mother it's my responsibilty to afford my child the grace. It's not the responsibility of me or my baby to "brighten up" the day of strangers.

There have been two occassions where my child has been touched by complete strangers and I will not let it happen again. The next time someone trie it I will tell them outright not to touch. I don't care if I offend a someone, my child is more important to me.

In regards to the germs, it's a valid arguement and I am surprised to see it dismissed to flippantly. I am able to wash my hands anytime I choose and I don't have the irresistable urge to chew and and suck my fingers. Would any of those who have so easily dismissed the germs as an excuse spend a day travelling on public transport and not wash their hands before eating?

There are some really filthy people out there! I agree that you need to let babies build up their immune system, but do it slowly. People die from ecoli which is found in faecal matter; lot's of nasty people out their not washing their hands after going to the toilet... or washing their hands at all. Are you really prepared to risk someone like this touching your baby for fear of offending them?

"little bottle of gel"??

FFS.

The kids whose parents are like this are always the ones who have allergies/reflux/food intolerance. I wonder why...

The immune system argument is pathetic - children do not "build up their immune systems" by sucking adult strangers fingers FFS, they get really bloody ill which is rotten for them and tiring for a new Mum.

It's not an "immune system" argument, it's a "don't be so fecking precious you'll give your child a complex" argument.

AngeChica I don't know if it's regional - I'm in N London and old grannies were always chucking DD on the cheek in the supermarket and cooing at her.

I though it was lovely

What complex gm? How will they get a complex from not touching random people on the street? It's not about stopping them from rolling about in the mud/ having fun making a mess with food or paint

Oh FGS i HATE people who are so precious about this kind of thing. YABVU.

What is society coming too. I think some people won't be happy until we are all living inside little sanitised bubble pods.

It's just other people. If they look particularly filthy then you can always give your baby's hands a quick wipe afterwards. If you think some person coming up and cooing over your baby, giving them a quick stroke on the cheek etc is bad just wait till you have a crawling 10mth old who wants to put everything in her mouth.

My ds ate all sorts of things including creepy crawlies, sand, dirt, food he found on the ground, drank stagnant rain water out of a bucket outside etc.

DD1 just put everything in her mouth.

DD2 has eaten the cat food 3 times so far (she is 10mths).

DS has the most robust immune system and is never sick.