to write mildly pornographic stories, even though DH hates it?

[KayHarkerIsPlayingWithMitchell]

In amongst trying to to general mumsy things, I write stories, many of which feature fictional characters doing incredibly rude things to one another.

Dh absolutely hates me writing anything much at all, unless it's the few little projects I have convinced him might bring me £50 royalties when I'm 40 or something.

He especially hates the fanfiction and the ones which include sexual situations, and tells me it's no different to me having an affair with someone.

I disagree, and am actually seriously considering trying to do something full length which includes sexual situations. Am I unreasonable to continue writing despite his wishes?

Message withdrawn

Aye, I am the real KH

I think it's probably a mixture of all the things you suggest Blu - where I'm not entirely confident is that we've had to work through so many of the issues where I used to be entirely submissive, and I find myself unsure if I'm stepping over the line with this.

I mean, it's one thing to stop wearing floral dresses all the time despite him wanting me to, but I can't tell if this is different.

Floral dresses????? does he really want you to wear them?

Kay - you are joking aren't you about the dresses?

Um, actually no, I'm not joking about the dresses. But you know, that's something we've dealt with, and I'm slobbing around in black jeans as we speak.

I may be way off here, but it just sounds a bit controlling. You know - maybe he thinks your entire sexuality belongs to him and him alone, so if you write stuff down it takes on a life of its own, other people can read it, it's not under wraps and under his control any more.

I agree with Blu, you have a right to express yourself and he's challenging that.

I can see it must be a difficult shift Kay (I have always been intrigued, btw, by the reasoning for that part of your life?) and I can only say that for me, writing is a private activity, and provided it's not exposing members of my family to ridicule (pace Julie Myerson), I don't really consider it anyone else's business.

In fact, I'd be very resentful if someone was trying to direct my leisure activities in that way.

Gosh I missed your last posts about the dresses. So he does have a tendency to want to control aspects of your life then - and no I don't think you are crossing a line, FWIW.

the dresses

Glad you have got that one sorted.

gizmo, the pornography thing does sting a bit, yes, because I'm not really a fan of actual visual pornography, with real people involved. This feels closer to pure fantasy, which I kind of think is safer ground, but I could be totally wrong on that.

I did not realise Kay that this has been an issue with the dresses and you had posted about it.

I just find it hard to understand because I suppose DH would never ever tell me to do/not to do something as he knows I would cut his balls off if he did and it would make me challenge it even more!

Well, yes, he's got used to controlling bits of my life that I have allowed him to get used to controlling, really. Shifting away from that means sometimes I'm not sure whether I'm rightly bucking control, or being an arsy, unreasonable purveyor of filth.

OK, it sounds as if it stings because it conjures up images of poor old skanky dead eyed guys and gals getting it on around some scummy swimming pool in So. Cal.

But that's not what you're doing! Your pornography bears the same relationship to that as a £2 chicken in Tesco does to a fully organic happy chappy raised in my back yard.

well you just carry on purveying your filth

There is certainly a market for it, and if it gives you enjoyment writing it then your DH should be happy for you.

Maybe he just needs a bit of time to get used to the idea, but i would say be firm, stand your ground on this one.

gizmo, you're so nice. I'm waiting for someone else to come on who has also read something I've written and say 'Never mind what your husband thinks, I want you to stop inflicting that shit on us!'

And yes, you can call it fantasy/erotica. In fact that's probably what I would call it if I were describing your stuff to someone a bit less tactless blunt than myself.

BTW, does your DH read much, Kay? Does he share your TV interests?

Is it actually pornographic? I mean, the average bonkbuster novel is pretty filthy in places, but you don't have to be 18 to buy them.

I would have thought there was a huge difference between a book about imaginary people (or even imaginary acts by real people) and porno films or pictures which involve actual flesh and blood. Does your DH honestly think they are the stuff?

lol at "happy chappy raised in my back yard" gizmo.

Noooo, definitely not RPF!! That's about a million miles over my line.

gizmo, well, that's the stupid thing, he's a big Doctor Who fan, really enjoyed watching Being Human and emailed me when it had been recommissioned, loves Life on Mars etc.

He's not a reader at all though. Hasn't the slightest interest in published work, never mind my second rate trash.

Well surprise, surprise I'm going to say YANBU.

I don't think the fact he's your DH means that he has any say over your hobbies tbh. They're not hurting him, they have no imapct on his life except in the fact that they are a blatant reminder that he doesn't have complete control over you...

My DH has (attempted) to read my fanfiction, he thinks I'm weird and does not get it at all, BUT he'd never stop me; he'd never even attempt to, just like I don't stop his 4 hour WoW marathons - it makes him happy, doesn't hurt me.

And also to go back to what MillyR said about MN not being the place for this. Kay's quite aware that there are other erotic/slash writers on here. We're parents too, maybe this is the perfect place to ask whether it's a hobby that can coexist with being a good partner/mother?!

the stuff?

"the same stuff" is what I am trying to say.

georgimama, well, it varies. I mean, I'm not sure how you'd grade it, really.