To be somewhat offended by my SIL letters ?

[chocolatekitten]

The way she addresses them ? They are Christmas/Easter cards that she sends to DH and myself. She always writes Mr & Mrs Fred Bloggs ( made up name of course). Every time I'm bemused and cross at the same time. As if I don't have my own name and am sort of my husband's property.
Is it a normal way to address a married couple in UK ? I'm an immigrant from another European country where people always write both names or at least Mrs@Mr Bloggs.
SIL is 48. I mention this as I would understand better if she was an elderly lady from a bygone era.

I'm just thinking I must have ruined so many of my friends' Christmasses cos this is how I address Christmas cards. Well I usually put the initial but the same idea I guess.

The ones that confuse me are the couples who live together. My cousin lives with his partner. I know his full name but only her christian name, so I just put both their chritian names on the envelope.

I had no idea envelopes could cause such upset.

However, I do not address letters using the husband's first name with Mrs for the wife: so I would put

"Mr x and Mrs Y Bloggs" but I would not put " Mrs John Bloggs" instead of "Mrs Jane Bloggs".

In aletter to an individual I always address just that person.

Ifyou have not been told that a woman specifically prefers the address "Ms" then, for a married couple it seems perfectly okay to assume that you can use "MR and MRS". They are married after all.

I know peole who are "Miss"and well over 40, who get really cross if people put"MS". In fact, I went through a phase ofusing"MS"when I was in my early twenties, but I then started to find it rather annoying (it sounds like miss anyway) and just used "MRs" once I got married.

In French I don not think there is a version of "Ms". Is there in any other language apart from English?

Also,if you changed your surname on marriage through usage toyour husbands, but then years later decide you want to revert to using your maiden name,would you then use "MRS" plus maiden name? I liked the idea of joining surnames on marriage, but two longer surnames make it cumbersome, and what happens if you have daughters who later on have then possibility of multiple-barrelled names?
Should we invent names on marriage? Or numbers?

Let's all be left in peace to dowhat we prefer, but not be slagged off for being non feminist or profeminist or whatever , because of the names we use.

Slayer no - in correct etiquette terms she is MRS F Bloggs even after she is a widow. She only becomes Mrs E Bloggs if she is divorced.

I have friends who live together but are not married.

Before they had a child I just addressed envelopes to Miss E Bloggs...because she was my friend first and I only knew Mr F Smith by default. Inside the cards I would write both names...unless a birthday card obviously.

Since they had their child I now address envelopes to Miss Child Smith...and she likes to open the christmas cards/letters that have her name on it.

Hmmm..it's a very old fashioned way of doing things IMO. I'd be irritated by it too OP so can understand.

Do you think she is doing it deliberately to wind you up? It may be unintentional.

there is a lot to be said for SAE

'Do you think she is doing it deliberately to wind you up?'

No, she is doing it the way she was taught and I don't expect it has even crossed her mind that it would upset anyone.

lol ivy!

I think women want it both ways. They are quite happy to take the man's surname and the possessive title Mrs but don't want the man's initial! Make up your mind ladies! You are either a possession or not!

signed
Ms E Woman

This thread has given me the opportunity to get something off my chest.

Two dyas ago I received a mother's day card from my DSD. Her mum had written on the envelope:

To Lone Stranger
c/o My partners Name
Both Our address
and so on.

I KNOW it was lovely to get a hand made card from DSD, but FGS, I feel bitter sweet about it. Me and DP LIVE TOGETHER in a house that we BOUGHT TOGETHER. Dont get why she would write c/o as though my residence is temporary or that I no longer live there and she has no forwarding address.

And breathe.
As you were Ladies! I feel better now. (Gggrrr!)

Im 23 and I would address a letter that way. I wouldnt know how to address it differently. unless im hand-delivering it to close friends or family, in which case it would just be 'bob', or 'mum'.

LoneStranger surely she has done that so that your partner will intercept it and not give you the card before mothers' day? i might do the same with a card or present that wasn't to be opened before a certain date

My inlaws did that for years Lonestranger.

I am glad that you said that Trikken, it was making me feel old! I always address cards and letters to couples as Mr and Mrs F Bloggs and all our Christmas cards come to us the same way. It seems very pedantic to write Mr F Bloggs and Mrs A Bloggs and my arm woud ache with all the extra effort!

pisces, but why use the initial at all?!!!

That was my point. The initial is entirely superfluous! Address it to Mr and Mrs Bloggs - they're not going to say, "Oh, no initial, I wonder whether this is for us or another Mr and Mrs Bloggs that live at the same address"!

I did not change my first name when I got married, only my surname. Happy to be Mrs Bloggs, not happy to be Mrs F Bloggs.

No need for the initial - no one offended, simple as!

Mainly because it is something that I have never thought about until today! Having thought about it it really doesn't bother me and I quite like tradition.Changing the surname is a big thing, so in comparison I feel that an initial is neither here nor there! I really don't mind how people address me, although I cringe a bit at Ms.

Y'see, this is exactly why I didn't change my surname when I got married! And I hate the way Dh will always be Mr; the whole 'you're married so you must be Mrs' gets on my wick. I've gone all pedantic and mostly use Dr.

MIL keeps taking me aside and asking if it's not all confusing for the kids; school will get very confused if my surname is different....

Thanks and !wow! did not expect my post would attract so many comments ! Fantastic informative and very entertaining read, mumsnet at its best.
So I see this is the way many of you were taught was correct way of addressing a married couple. And interesting how some of you do find it old fashioned and just not appropriate any more and others don't give it a second thought. In my opinion it should really be abandoned in this day and age.I personally find it very very weird but then I bet you would find some customs from my culture very odd - but, sorry, can't think of anything right now to shock you with.
Just want to clarify that I do not really seriously get cross with my SIL for writing this way. Not in a way that I would hold a grudge. One of the posters put it quite right, I got offended by the idea of addressing letters this way.
Oh, and I do appreciate the cards themselves, of course. Promise, it's not a case of an ungrateful cow !

Now, completely off topic, would like to share something here. My Ds 11 has just got an email saying he's won a competition and a brand new Nintendo DS Lite !!! Yipeeeee
We never win anything as norm so this is a big thing ! What's hilarious about it though, is the fact that he won because nobody else entered ! It was an ipod touch comp to perform a piece of music on one of its apps called ' Cat's piano'( literally cats noises) and upload it on youtube. He's done Joy to the world. It's really crazy and annoying but DS put so much heart and effort to it, he really deserves to 'win'.

I thought this was completely out-dated when my mother told me to do it when I was a kid.

I refused.

Well done to your DS!

I'm with the OP on this one (I'm not British either).

I think its plain old patriarchy trussed up as etiquette/tradition (as is being walked down the aisle by your father only and taking your husband's name in marriage). I know many people disagree with me on that but hey, that's what makes the world go round, eh?

YABU get over it.

Oh, and I have used 'MS' since I was single in my twenties. No one needs to know if I am married or not - men certainly are not labelled and defined by their marital status.

Off the topic rant over

Did we get a 'correct' answer to the 2 Drs question? My uncle and aunt are both (non-medical) Doctors and I always put:

'Drs F & E Bloggs'

..is that wrong?