To be somewhat offended by my SIL letters ?

[chocolatekitten]

The way she addresses them ? They are Christmas/Easter cards that she sends to DH and myself. She always writes Mr & Mrs Fred Bloggs ( made up name of course). Every time I'm bemused and cross at the same time. As if I don't have my own name and am sort of my husband's property.
Is it a normal way to address a married couple in UK ? I'm an immigrant from another European country where people always write both names or at least Mrs@Mr Bloggs.
SIL is 48. I mention this as I would understand better if she was an elderly lady from a bygone era.

I am similar age to your SIL and there are certain relatives to whom I would always address letters like that, even though they're of my generation and younger. Sometimes it's just 'what's done' in UK.

Is it TMMJ? ( Hi ! You do know I am not from the UK so you will excuse my ignorance!)

Surely you would not write Mr Fred bloggs and Mrs Jane bloggs on the same enveloppe if they where divorced? Would they not have different addresses if they were divorced?

Is it really rude to write to Fred and Jane Bloggs? when you are related like in the OP's case?

When I got married I asked my (very 'correct' and traditional) parents to address letters to me as Mrs E Bloggs. When writing to both of us it is Mr and Mrs F Bloggs. They were fine with this.

But when I write to my granny I still write Mrs X(grandpa's initial) Bloggs, even though he died 20 years ago. It's what she would expect. She's one of those people who will correct a nurse/window cleaner/insurance salesperson for calling her by her first name rather than Mrs Bloggs.

It's archaic the way we address one another in English, but not something to get offended about. Life's too short.

SIL is actually a PA to a boss so I imagine deals with correspondence every day but I've never received a professional letter from anyone addressed this way ,that would be very odd.So I guess she only addresses letters to friends and family this way. She seems to be very meticulous as far as any etiquette is concerned, always sends thank you letters about any present , party attendance etc Without fail, every Christmas we get her official ' family newsletter'.
I'm not seriously cross with her but trying to understand how a modern woman as she is can see nothing inappropriate in this custom.
I'm not even much of a feminist,am a bit old fashioned, some would say, in my ways. But this just strikes me as wrong.

YANBU. My mother sends us letters addressed like that despite the fact that, as she well knows, I did not take my husband's surname when I married him. It makes me teeth grindingly angry. She wouldn't address the letter as Ms and Mr Slug now would she?

Ooh, get you

My family use this old-fashioned form and I hate it, so YANBU. I have asked them not to address me like that. Where is my name on a letter addressed to Mr and Mrs Fred Bloggs? Why don't we alternate it with Mr and Mrs Ethel Bloggs if it doesn't mean anything about the wife's status within the marriage?

I realise that people were taught this as the correct way to address married women/couples but I see no reason why this can't change as other social customs have. You don't have to still accept everything you were taught in school.

Have never been convinced of the need for titles anyway. Why not address it to F. and E. Bloggs?

oh it's just the traditional way - doesn't bother me though..
I address letters to married women (usually older ones,not my contemporaries) as Mrs (husband's initial or name) Bloggs unless they are widowed when it's Mrs (their initial or name) Bloggs. I go by both my married and maiden name (professionally) so can be a person in my own right too - best of both.

I am now some posters suggest there is something wrong or indeed offensive in writing Frances & Fred Bloggs. Can't get my head round it. And this is how I addressed Christmas cards for the past 10 years. Do you think people found THAT odd, including SIL ?
Funny how our cultures vary in all life's little ways.In my native country ( it's Poland)it's always Mr&Mrs Frances and Fred Bloggs. Most people are even careful to write woman's name first out of traditional respect for the fairer sex, like letting a woman enter through the door first.But maybe some would find this behaviour sexist ?

It's just the traditional way of doing it.
I don't mind 'Mr and Mrs J Smith.'

Do mind: 'Mrs John Smith.' I know it's 'correct' but it makes me feel like a chattel.

I can understadn why you are irritated.

It was the "correct" way to address married couples but society has moved on. English is a dynamic language and customs and conventions change.

It really irritates me when friends who should know better do this to me (and I am 47 - 48 next month). They know that I have kept my own name. I tolerate letters addressed to Mr & Mrs Dh'sName becasue I am his wife even if I choose not to use that title - espcecaiily from, for example, friends of my parents who don't know that I've kept my own name.

I will always address Christmas cards to "Mr Fred and Mrs Frederika Bloggs": I think it is common courtesey to ackowledge them as individuals. If I know that she has kept her mainden name, then I will address it to both full names.

I don't care how old fashioned you are, imo you should address your own brother as "Fred."

Actually on further thought - I actually address cards to Fred and Frederika Bloggs (wish I'd read all of the thread and realsied that "Jane Bloggs" was the analogy I was thinking of)

chocolate don't worry I don't think anyone could have been offended just to be called by their own name e.g. Frances and Fred Bloggs! Assuming Frances took Fred's name when they got married of course. I would have thought it's much more likely to offend calling someone by a different person's name...

I reckon your version is fine. Unless the recipient is older say, then play it safe and use Mr and Mrs Bloggs?

Really, prettybird? I am 38 and I still address things to 'Mr & Mrs F Bloggs' although for Christmas cards, invitations, etc I tend to put 'The Bloggs family' if they have DC. If I were writing only to Mrs Bloggs I would put Mrs E Bloggs.

I realise this is deeply inconsistent and probably the product of an overly old-fashioned education, but I wouldn't worry about it if I were the OP. I do however wish there was a convention for people to signal very loudly and clearly whether they are going to keep their maiden name when they get married - I still don't actually know how some of my friends would prefer to be addressed post-marriage

There is another issue here, in that cheeky wee goer Fred Bloggs appears to have three wives, the fragrant trio of Ethel, Frances and Frederika.

Imagine the perils of addressing a Christmas card to that household

But you wouldn't write Mr XXX to your BROTHER???? Surely????

Altagloria - 'The Bloggs family' - 'tis the safe bet every time, I tell you! (except my SIL has kept her maiden name so I always feel obliged to address theirs to 'The Bloggs-Jones family' even though the DC are called Bloggs

Stealth will keep that in mind if I find any polygamists on my Xmas card list!

Not implying that your brother and SIL are such, obviously.

But why not Ms Slug and Mr Slugshusband? When the bank send us statements on our joint account that's the way they do it.

I can just imagine that thread - "I have just discovered that my friend/boss/whoever has 3 wives. How do I address their Christmas Card?"

Slug - because if you had chosen to be Mrs Slugshusband, you might well be offended by that. People are, you know!

Why not Fred and Freda??????

TO YOUR OWN BROTHER AND HIS FAMILY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Four wives now! I hope they don't mind topping and tailing.