To be sick of reading on MN that you are a "good role model" to your dd if you go back to work??

[ssd]

have read this over various posts on MN over the years

usually posters give various reasons to return to work, all viable and good, but then the poster throws in the "good role model" shite

why always harp back to this?

if you love your kids, teach them to respect and care for others, learn manners and discipline THEN you are a good role model

most of us eventually will return to work at some stage and if we don't we will still be good role models unless we are lying about the house taking drugs and leaving the kids to go feral, which I;m sure not too many of us do!

I know I'll get slated on here as the going back to work to be a good role model line seems to be very poplular round here and I'm not trying to wind up posters who use it, it just seems to me people work out of necessity, not to be a role model

And BTW where's all the role models for ds's??? or is just loving them enough?

Little Bella -you have really made me laugh tonight, thank you your beatitude

No, NotAn. That's MY decision. Important for me.

I do wish more women were more aware about their pensions though ...

Think that's the issue though mrsr. Other people's kids will get a lot more financial support than mine will. We'll have to pay maximum tuition fees and get no grant...

You're welcome MrsR

or like my parents you can both work full-time save up lots of money and then invest in shares upon your retirement, just in time for the credit crunch. hmmmmm

would happily have gone without some of the stuff my parents thought it worth spending money on to have one of them at home!

neither dp or i have any pension!

Notan. That's the sort of thing I mean. The implication that you invest more in your kids than you would if you were a WOHM by the simple fact of being a SAHM.

I make the same 'investment' in my kids and I am also concerned about their financial provision in the future (not implying you aren't just that it is possible to do both as a WOHM).

I do think that is a worry NotAn. That neither of you have a pension. I do think that is a huge sacrifice to make.

• and this is a joke

i have had 6 so i figure the burden will be shared !

I don't think my kids want me around day in, day out, investing. Certainly my eldest (10) just wants to go out and play with his friends. I don't see much of him, not even at the weekend, because he is busy. I suppose it depends how old your children are though.

well, its been very interesting chatting to you all but i need to go invest in some sleep!

yes I'm getting tired but I can't resist clicking "refresh" again and again.

Now I am going to be worrying about university fees in my sleep [hmmm]

My 7 year old loves having dp at home, she loves the fact he can come into school to help out, that she can have friends to play after school or can come home and go out with him. Of course that may change.

I work
I wish i didn't have to I would love to be at home all day with DS2

Childcare will wipe out most of the money i earn so i don't know why really.. i would hope i am a good role model with being kind, loving and generous to my kids, not smacking or shouting, explaining things to them instead of saying 'because i said so'

I work for the money and so i can enjoy some adult company.

Some people on here say why do you have kids then leave them with a nursery.. same thing as saying you are a good role model for your kids if you work really.

You can't win whatever you do. Someone will always knock you or criticise the way you do things, working or not. Guilt at not being there enough or not having enough money is the same whoever you are and wherever you live and whether you work or not.
I say let them get on with it and just be the best parent you can for your kids whether you're at home or work.

my 16 year old walks in and immediately starts 'soliloquizing' about his day - homework - the news ad nauseam .... i think he brews it up all day and then spews when he gets in the door .very odd considering i am a very sceptical sounding board !

lol at happywomble.

I too couldn't resist a quick refresh on my way back from the bathroom....

def going to bed now.

off to mull over my financial irresponsibility

At the end of the day, we all do the best we can. I have no doubt at all that no matter what our personal circumstances, we all love our dcs to pieces and want them to grow up healthy and happy.

I really don't think it matters one iota if you stay home in the early years, or work. Kids just won't remember. What is important is that you are "there" for them. That you talk to them, take an interest in their lives, and love them no matter what.

aww stercus ( i love your 'cack' phraseology on the other thread )

sometimes i wish my dcs were skivers and would alleviate my younger children childcare sadly not!

( wonders if its a chicken-egg situation - eureka moment!)

Wish I had the choice. Am working my arse off as a lp to support my family. Does the working parent good role model bit outweigh the lone parent bad role model bit!! do let me know -

Someone had to add a link to this be the verse

Well yes, but the children with WOHM in well paid jobs will get their therapy bills paid by their parents, while the SAHM children will have to rely on the NHS.

... and therefore not get any therapy?

Millyr and quattrocento - a bit rude of you to assume sahms are poverty stricken and living on benefits.

Where I live the household income of many families with a SAHM is well over 100k so you could hardly say the children aren't well provided for financially.

In DDs nursery class (private prep) the only mothers who work are those who teach at the school.

There are also many families in this country where both parents work and the household income is considerably less. This is in many cases why the mother is working..they can't afford not to. Yes - there are many women who work because they love their careers too. Fine.

You cannot make generalisations about the financial status of households based on whether the mum works or not.

Oh Xenia doesn't care about her posts being insulting to SAHMs, she's happy to insult them, it's a mumsnet tradition.

But it's inaccurate anyway, because how often do you read about women who go out to work 40 hours a week, then come home and do all the housework and all the brain-work of running the house, like planning meals, shopping etc.? There is no correlation between spending your life servicing a man and going to work - some women are doing both. Whether you spend your life doing that, depends on the quality of your man and relationship, not on whether you are a WOHM or a SAHM.