To not want my DH stalking me around MN?

[SpringySunshine]

I'm going to try not to drip-feed, but there's a lot of information I need to explain & I'm going to try to keep it as brief as possible. To try & keep it to the point, I'm going to copy / paste a lot of this from what I've already said on my ante-natal thread & will obviously answer any other questions.

"DH has definitely been reading our thread again. Definitely. As in I'd almost bet my life on it. He denies it completely, through all accusations, promising me that he hasn't been on Mumsnet & has had no access to what I've been saying, etc. But he has. This is the second time now that I've been pretty sure - the first time could've just been coincidence, albeit a striking one. This time he's definitely been reading.

What do I do? After the last time I made it really clear that I didn't want him reading & he promised that he wouldn't because it's 'my' thing. So he's broken that promise & is now breaking more as he lies to my face about it repeatedly.

I know it's not that big a deal in itself (although I actually feel like it is, given how openly I talk about everything here & this is my safe-to-be-completely-honest place) but the lying & broken promises are doing my head in.

I don't want to cause a scene because I can't really prove it. Not in any indisputable way. Even though I know, he can just keep saying 'I haven't done anything!' & we're at an impasse.

So do I just let it go? Pretend like I believe him & be really careful what I say here in future? Or keep pursuing the issue?"

That's the crux of it.

I can't use internet history, as we each have our own laptops & his is so important that it's passworded hmm

"We were talking in bed last night about all sorts of things & I was saying that I hoped that he didn't think that I was a rubbish mum, blah blah blah. & he directly referenced what I'd said in my post about alternatives to blackout curtains." (I was having a bit of a moan about MIL's unconventional parenting style, as the conversation at the time was about advice we aren't intending to take.) "BUT HE WASN'T IN THE ROOM WHEN HIS MUM HAD THAT CONVERSATION WITH ME. The only way he could know about that conversation is reading what I said yesterday. It wasn't even that he said 'well she did this...' it was '& other stupid advice my mum's given us...'.

It's also a bit that I try really hard to be neutral about her & give her the benefit of the doubt to him, even though she tried her best to ruin our wedding day & stuff. But here I do tend to let rip, thinking that it won't hurt anyone because nobody knows her & it's better that I vent my frustration safely than cause marital rows. But still, it's not nice to think that my uncensored ranting & bitching have been read by someone who does know & love her."

There are a few other things, but it's already getting long, so I'll leave it at that & see what you all have to say - what do I do?!

I didn't mean for you to take offence, i was just curious i you were a single child and so never had to worry about privacy (as i think was mentioned earlier)

But it is your right to decline to answer so i will leave it there

katy i wasnt telling you off at all.nor was my reply intended to be chastisement

Made2orderrdre not offended in least!just curious about relevance.seemed big digression

No worries

Oh, i hav a habit of just thinking about irrelevant things, just ignore me!

was a bit of a what is your dog's name moment.Whaaat? LOL have i missed summat

I have siblings. But I think it's barking to try to forbid someone from seeing what you say in public. If you want privacy, be public. It's an extraordinary mindset that thinks the problem in this relationship is the DH reading an internationally known website rather than the DW telling him she's posting on there about their lives but he should stay away. It seems to me that she's the one doing more damage to the relationship.

If you want privacy, be private, obv.

indeed,can you imagine the paranoia inducing state of knowing your dh talks about you to strangers for all to read but hey you are supposed to keep your trap shut and eyes closed

if a woman posted here that her dh discussses her/them on bloke site but she is banned from knowing. people would be jumping around squawking what a git he is

I think it's harsh to say the OP is wrong not to want DP to read her posts. After all, many people come on here to ask for opinions/advice about their personal lives. In many cases, their posts are to ask if they are making too big a deal of something etc. etc. It would completely defeat the object if the person involved (e.g. a DP) was reading everything you wrote.

It's a different thing if she's on here all the time slagging him off and won't ever tell him when she's annoyed about him etc., but for other more minor day to day things I thing it's entirely reasonable to expect privacy from him reading it. We all know it's a public forum, but presumably no-one who doesn't know here username would know the posts are hers, so there is an expectation that it's anonymous

It was (kind of) related, someone further up said about those who were single children didn't need their pricvacy as much as thoses with siblings, my sister always used to rummage through my things so i get quite uptight about people going through my things, and XP was one of three and needed even more privacy.

so, i wondered if thoses that thought that you should share all of your thoughts that you anonymously share over tinternet with strangers should be shared with those close to you too.

I don't know how true it is because i cant think of anyone who is a single child well enough to distinguish for myself.

AFD, well thats just thrown that theory out of the window

It's public but it's supposed to be anonymous. And feeling comfortable divulging things to strangers is a fairly well-recognised phenomena harnessed by the likes of counsellors, therapists and dare I say it...mumsnet! Otherwise why all the usernames? In fact I'm pretty rare on MN in that I post under a name that abbreviates my real name. Her dh obviously had to do a bit of investigative work to find her.

Aside from all that, I just think it's like eavesdropping and is therefore rude!

I think its a bit sad that people have nothing better to do than stalk you on MN - I mean - HELLO! - get a life of your own...

I agree with KatyH the whole point is that we can blow off steam anonymously.

If you are the DH involved - GO AWAY AND FIND SOMETHING BETTER TO DO.