To be amazed about how many people think it is acceptable to ask you to explain how you afford something?

[electra]

I have noticed, generally that a lot of people seem to find it normal to ask questions / make assumptions about other people's financial situations.

I would never do this - I think it's very rude. I often wonder how people afford certain things but would never ask them! Is this a hang up that just I have?

I suppose for some people who are very narrow minded snobs it would be the case, but if you are the kind of person (like me, I hope) just likes people who are interesting and intelligent and funny, then not necessarily. I agree that as an absolute conversation opener it is too cliched and loaded, but then, but I don't think it needs to be off-limits altogether. Let's face the others are just as bad: Where do you live, were did you go to school/university, what school do your children go to, where did you last go on holiday?

It would be an intersting experiement to put a bunch of people in a socail setting all in identical clothes and told them to mingle and make friends whilst avoiding socially stereotyping questions. Accents aside, (can't do much to hide those!) I wonder how long it would take us to decide who we felt comfortable with, and who could potentially be a friend in the Real World?

It's almost impossible not to pigeon-hole people a bit, for example if you met someone with a white person with a nose ring, dreadlocks, bare feet in hand-stitched sandals, wearing a peruvian striped thingy and their children were called Beowulf and Dandelion, you know that they are entirely unlikely to be a sales director or a chartered accountant! Same as the woman with fake breasts, fake nails, fake tan and fake hair extensions is unlikely to be a neurosurgeon or a charity worker in Afghanistan.

God, so many typos and nonsense in that post - sorry!

Noonki: 'I would NEVER ask HOW someone can afford something.' - ditto here!

Tiggy, having read your descriptions of the hippy and the fake booby lady, I'm now wondering...have you been stalking me and my DH?

Tiggy - you and I have quite a bit in common judging by your long post on your fiscal history!

Oops - sorry always give too much away in these rambling streams of consciousness!

Not had time to read all other posts yet but here's my bit...
When DP & me were DINKis, I bought a Mulberry handbag (in the sale might I add!) and had many a sneer from my work colleagues.
They sneered when I went to New York for a weekend and when when I bought some shoes from Office etc etc. Lord forgive me for being extravagant
I'm on mat leave at the moment & should be going back in July so I'm dreading telling them that I'm taking a one year career break to stay home and look after 6 month old DS.
We have no debts and a very small mortgage, why shouldn't I?!
I can hear the comments now

Curiosity is one thing. Sneering is quite another. Nezzi, I think your colleagues need a good mighty hand slap.

Tiggy - apols not necessary, I was trying to define which post I was referring to. It's always a joy to discover things you hold in common with people!

When we were in the process of buying our first house my boss asked "how can YOU afford to buy a house when your DH is only a Corporal (in the RAF)when I cant afford to buy one"

I did take great delight in saying that he was an engineer and earned x amount, knowing that my boss was the lowest paid officer there was, AND that I worked

Sometimes you just have to be snotty back

It's the new austerity values kicking in. Every man and his dog now makes a virtue of living frugally, and they've suddenly all morphed into New Puritans.

Just tell them you're feeding the children nothing but value baked beans for a month to save the cash. That should shut em up.

There have been many moments that I've wanted to slap them MrsHenry. Especially when I heard that one of them had said that I lived in a "shithole of a place!"
She's not too far wrong so why is she jealous of me??? The same woman once criticised me for spending 30 pounds (can't find the symbol on my fancy new keyboard) on a handbag that wasn't leather.
Sorry for going on but the stupid twunt has been annoying me for years!

Let's do it, Nezzi!

Don't tempt me MMH [grin}

Excuse typos, bloody new laptop & me aren't properly aquainted yet

Yes, I often wonder how people can afford things - but would never dream of asking.

Yet if I ever buy something new, go on holiday or have a meal out I always feel that I have to justify myself.
Why, why, why do I do this?
I might tell people that we treated ourselves to a day out because ... we won £50 on the Lotto or my husband got a bonus at work or whatever.
Why can't I just say that we had a pizza in town and leave it at that?
Why do I always tell people (who haven't asked, by the way) how I have managed to afford something???

Magic, I do that too. Not so much with eating out but with new bags or clothes etc. I feel as though I have to say I got a bargain or something similar. Why?!

Some people will break themselves to live in a very expensive desirable area because nothing less will do, but others live somewhere modest and unfashionable so they can actually have a bit more space and enjoy their spare cash - live a bit and not just pay the mortgage! Horses for courses.

No, it's not just you. I think it's incredibly rude to talk about money.

I think it's inevitable that people might wonder though. I have no interest in whether I've got more/less than others but I do often wonder how people seem to make their money go much futher than ours does! DH works very hard/long hours and has what would probably be classsed as a pretty good wage. My friend's hubby was a caretaker and she was on fewer hours/lower grade than me in my job yet they had a bigger mortgage than us, 2 kids to support (I had none then), a newer car and holidays to Disneyland Florida regularly.

The only person I'd actually dare discuss it with is my sis-in-law who's in a similar postition to us (and we would never dream of broaching the topic of how much either of us actually earn, even though our hubbies have similar jobs at the same place, therefore similar incomes). I've got to admit that we occassionally have conversations about other people's finances - just in amazement at how much they seem to be able to get for their income. We want to know where on earth we're going wrong!

Muffle, I buy carton smoothies for my 2 kids - 1 a day with brekkie though! Eeek - maybe that's where I'm going wrong!

Thisisyesterday, oh my goodness! HOW rude! Your poor friend. I'd have been mortified and I'd never dare go to the shops again!

It annoys me when people say "lucky you" when you say you work part time and they are full time (it does depend how it's said). Sometimes I say "I do get paid less though...". I am lucky to have husband earning but it's a choice to some extent. We have cheap UK holidays or stay with family/friends etc etc.

Sometimes a lot of people are being bailed out by their parents, even into their 30's and beyond. When I worked in IT as a systems analyst and my dh was a lab manager in a water authority I knew someone who had a clerical job who used to buy things that we could only dream of. She seemed surprised that I wasn't prepared to pay over £50 for some face cream - and this was over 20 years ago! It was the same at uni - I got a full grant but ended up far worse off than a friend who got less grant but who's mum worked in the separates department of a department store. Her mum always used to put really nice things into an obscure corner of the stockroom so that when they were 'found' it was the end of the season and she could buy them at an enormous discount.