To be amazed about how many people think it is acceptable to ask you to explain how you afford something?

[electra]

I have noticed, generally that a lot of people seem to find it normal to ask questions / make assumptions about other people's financial situations.

I would never do this - I think it's very rude. I often wonder how people afford certain things but would never ask them! Is this a hang up that just I have?

I have to admit to thinking it fairly often!

i.e. I wonder how 10% off Boden clothes would tempt many. They'd have to be considerably richer me!!!!!

But yanbu - it is extremely bad form imo to talk about affording things. People make their own choices/sacrifices etc.

But envy is quick to leap out of people's mouths for sure (n.b. above Boden comment!)

I never talk money with friends (or colleagues/associates etc). I think it's pretty rude, too.

I have been asked outright how we afford for me to be a SAHM and how we afforded to move to a bigger house, and I always say something vague in response.

What I really feel like saying is '...and it matters to you, because...?'

We have that problem Quattro.

DH earns a decent salary, four times national average or thereabouts.

PILs therefore cannot understand why we haven't been able to afford to renovate our house and we are subject to pointed comments every single time they visit about the state we live in (very dated tatty Victorian property). Very tiresome. In effect they are saying "How can you not afford to do this ...?"

I quite agree, electra, that people do make massive assumptions about other people's finances.

But with me it's not just jealousy (at least I think not!) because I feel pretty well-off, we don't want for much, I can afford clothes and things. I think I'm just incredibly nosy is the truth of it.

I love my neighbour for saying 'your dh, he's in the higher tax bracket isn't he?'

Mintyy - I can imagine that is equally annoying!

I have a friend who does this and it drives me mad. And makes me cross that I do end up justifying myself to her when I know it's none of her business

pmsl at 'fairy liquid'- goodness- you big extravagant spender...

but for furniture, car, christmas present, tax bracket comments etc. People really do make assumptions, don't they?

We all make choices according to our personal needs and preferences- I personally wouldn't spend a fortune on consumer goods, but plenty of people do. I choose to buy good quality fresh food for my family, but plenty of people don't. As long as you cut according to your cloth, it doesn't matter one jot.

In fact- one of the great things about mn is that you can talk/ask about money/finance anonymously- very useful if you want to know whether you're overpaying for something or getting a bargain.

I must be the exception, as I have never understood why people are so squeamish about talking about money!

I have two good friends who both live well beyond their means, to a downright worrying degree.

But I feel I can't really broach it with them in anything other then a jokey way as it (bizarrely, in my view) considered socially unnacceptable to discuss money.

Of course, it's none of my business etc etc, but then again neither is anybody else's love life, job or health, but these are the topics that we discuss for hours. Life would be a bit poor really if we didn't.

Have to admit if anyone questions why i cant afford anything i reply 'coz i spend all my money on fags ,scratchcards and lambrini!'

I got asked by our neighbours how we afforded to buy our house and for me to be a SAHM. She was literally incredulous.
UMM, because we don't have two brand new Mercedes and 2 holidays abroad every year (mores the blooming pity!).
I admit I often wonder about how much people earn/can afford but I'd never ask them, the reality is bund to be far more banal than my fertile imaginings (drug running/MD of a large bank etc etc)

bound

Think it is a bit different Morris if you are genuinely worried and need to have a word. MIL somewhat spoilt our present to my SIL by worrying about how much we had spent on it until we explained how much of a redonculous bargain it was and one of the cheaper gifts we'd got!

I get the opposite of this alot, my dh does the kind of job where most people assume he earns alot of money but doesn't. Because of his job and shift work i can only manage to work 2 days a week so everyone at work calls me the baroness and slags me off because i shop at waitrose occasionally i might add because its close to dds ballet class. The truth is that most of the time we are completely broke. I just ignore them and never discuss our financial state as i really think its incredibly rude.

I Should also say that i get asked regularly how much Dh earns. People think that because of his job they have a right to know.

I think it's always very interesting as it gives you an insight into other people's priorities and what they value and what they don't.

For eg we are a pair of lazy bastards. I have a waitrose 10 min walk away and we both love good food and enjoy cooking so I go there most days and get something really nice for supper. And we often have starters.

This seems to give people an absolute turn .

But they forget that we never holiday abroad, don't spend on clothes, going out etc and don't have expensive hobbies. When we do go away (we are lucky that we have a family place near the seaside so it's free) we tend to amuse ourselves rather than going to expensive attractions (although that may change when DD gets bigger!).

I find it interesting as it belies what other people value and what they don't. Me, friends and work colleagues all have a little disposable cash, we just spend it on such different things, and I find it amusing when people are at our choices while not realising that meanwhile i am finding eg their top notch gym membership fees or handbag habits a crazy waste of money

I have a husband in Risk Management, that's a great topic for everyone to all suddenly be instant experts about. He has nothing to do with the banking crisis, he isn't an overpaid banker, he leads a team that designs the computer models that calculates the risk. (It's the shits at the top that don't listen!!!)

sorry, the point I actually didn't get around to actually making was

people do like to make assumptions on earning capability based on what they think your job earns.

We get that Quattrocento. My friends are all under the misaprehension that DH and I are loaded. Dear mother thinks that we ought to be loaded, with our jobs.

We aren't loaded.

Having had people not ask and make assumptions I'm now of the opinion that I don't mind being asked.

We had a skiing holiday in Jan. I'm a single parent and we booked a chalet holiday with childcare provided. We shared with four other couples. One spent the entire week talking about her husband's job and that they'd flown business class and what car they drove, where they lived etc.

We spoke about what we each did for a living and I mentioned what I did in passing but no one made any comment. At the end of the week wifey made a comment along the lines of how expensive their holiday was compared to mine (well there were four of them and two of us) and suggested we tip per family. I agreed (even though it effectively meant I paid double them). I then worked out that all week she had been wondering how I could afford the holiday being a single parent! If I'd have known what she was thinking earlier in the week I could have dealt with it rather than put up with loads of sniping comments.

I do wonder how some friends afford their houses and how some can afford four or five sets of school fees out of one income

Should add that I'm a lawyer in the City before anyone links me to some of those other threads going on at the moment

RubyRioja - it's usually one of two things (either of which would terrify me, especially in current climate) - they've cashed in all the equity in their homes, or credit cards. Or both.

Jazzhands makes a good point. We don't spend much on clothes, or on holidays, or on going out. We do like a good bottle of wine, we do buy good food - which is usually less expensive than people think (I just cook from scratch and save all left overs). We have good furniture but we've had it a long time. It's spending priorities - I think people assume that you spend in the same way that they do on abc, so if you appear to also be able to afford to do xyz they think you must have pots of cash. They don't realise that you are able to afford xyz because you don't spend money on abc.

My snipy friend constantly compares her life to others and her husbands earning power. She was happy that all should know she had 4 cars at that point as hubbie had had a promotion and a new car allowence meaning they were shuffling cars around blah blah blah. She was also happy to tell everyone that her daughter simply refused to come to school in the Honda and that it had to be the mercedes.

She is the one who told everyone that she was surprised that 'people make sacrifices to send their child to private school' and that she 'didn't have to make any sacrifices at all. Her best was 'People can only afford 1 set of uniform????' when she went round and asked people how many sets they had.

Yet she is the one who has an interest only mortgage and spent £7k on a credit card to go to Disneyland with her family. This was in feb and she was still paying it off in Aug.

Different priorities I suppose. Our car is knackered, dh's car is also. Our house is new but in desperate need of decoration so we're saving to get each bit done.

We could all die tomorrow. Who's to say who's got it right!