To be amazed about how many people think it is acceptable to ask you to explain how you afford something?

[electra]

I have noticed, generally that a lot of people seem to find it normal to ask questions / make assumptions about other people's financial situations.

I would never do this - I think it's very rude. I often wonder how people afford certain things but would never ask them! Is this a hang up that just I have?

I'd shop her myself, that sort of thing makes me . It's theft.

RubyRioja

and she told the toddler group??????

The simple answer to people - spend more on somethings, spend less on others. I refuse to go into any more detail than that for any nosey parkers out there who think they have the right to ask rudely.

We paid cash for our car - a second hand, but only 1 year old, quality car. We saved a lot by not having to pay interest on a loan but managed to save up by not having a car for 5 years before hand - only hiring a car for the odd weekend when we needed it.

We pay off all our credit cards when the bill comes in, so don't pay interest, and have a savings account where we put money into for our future bills.

A few years ago we did have a couple of credit cards constantly maxed out - when I think of how much money we wasted on interest payments I just cry. Now that money is able to be saved and then spent on little spoils instead.

I have started to reply "I'm a prostitute"

They soon fuck off.

oh LOL Coldtits

Personally I think finances are a no go area of conversation. I wonder sometimes how people manage to afford certain things but that's as far as it goes. But some people are nosy about everything aren't they, a whole other thread but I bet the people who feel justified in asking about finances would also feel okay asking if you were planning another baby - too personal for me to ask anyone.

Surely it's not about the subject though (money, or whatever) but how well you know the person?

It wouldn't cross my mind not to ask my close friends, family etc about personal stuff like are you having another baby, will you be going on holiday etc etc. Our relationship is close, and we can talk about anything.

But if you don't know somebody very well (ie workmate etc) then all personal q's are off limits.

I don't see why money should be especially taboo.

What I find odd is the OP's sensitivity about money. We are so often open and ready to share all sorts of personal information about ourselves, often very intimate details. But money? Suddenly the shutters come down and it's a matter of propriety. Why? I've never understood this aspect of life. It's just money, surely it shouldn't have such a hold on us?

Yes right about the relationship now I think about it. And it depends what you're like about being direct. Some of the people I am closest too are the bold direct ones who ask anything - and they know more about me because of it and have hence been the best support. But I hate the thought of asking the wrong question on the wrong day - esp the baby one cos you don't know what stage people are at. I was asked it a lot when having miscarriages and they didn't get an honest answer anyway - all in good time was my line. But my closest friends didn't need to ask - they knew about the mc's cos I'd told them.

Can it be the same with money? Someone might afford it cos they cut back in other areas, they might just have more to start with - no shame because some jobs just earn more than others - or they might be in huge debt. You might know it already if you were close and even if you asked you wouldn't necessarily get an honest answer - why should you?

Just realised MorrisZapp's already said that much more clearly - must learn to post succinctly!

MrsMerryHenry - you have a fair point. Maybe it's a cultural thing? I just find discussions about money and how much things cost unpalatable. I can feel my toes screwing up every time someone asks how much something costs!

i also think it stems partly from the fact that most jobs don't allow you to discuss how much you earn full stop - so people can't and it all gets a bit cloak and dagger.

Then because some people aren't saying anything it all starts to spiral.

IME people on fixed-type salaries where they are paid for grade rather than performance are happier to say how much they earn as it is "out there" anyway.

I was brought up to think it is the height of bad manners to ask someone, how much something is or how they afford something.

However, maybe I am in the minority as other people often ask, how much my DDs clothes cost, or most recently 'did you need a new car?' or 'another holiday!' I never answer of course but am amazed people ask.

My pil are the worst, every time we have something new or they come to visit, 'how much was that'. I think it is so rude.

Electra - it's odd, I was never brought up to 'feel' that money is personal, yet I've sort of imbibed it through the culture as the years have gone on. I think Jazzhands has a point about company rules, but I'm sure there's more to it than that.

The thing is, sometimes it's simply practical to know how much someone paid, how they afforded it - financial status doesn't say anything about their value as a person IMO, so asking about money is just a way for me to find out how to improve my own lot.

That said, I do have an acquaintance who I would say is 'vulgar' about money - she will ram a million figures down your ears during any conversation - if it's not how much she paid for this it's how much compensation she got, how much profit she made, how much blah blah blah. She'll typically shoehorn 4/5 different figures into a 10 minute conversation. That's pretty hard to do! She also has no ears, only a mouth that never stops moving. Needless to say, that's why she'll never become more than an acquaintance!

One of my close friends once quizzed me at length on how much our sky package cost, I'm sure deliberately so she could act shocked and horrified... if I had said it's £3.50 she would still have drawn her breath in sharply like a plumber confronted with a gullible punter and a leaky toilet.

It's so dull really the only thing to do is rise above it. Or maybe if you tip them they will go away

Hmm...'at length' would become tedious, I'm sure! But I revelled at my achievements in knocking down my Virgin bill by about 60%, so I would gladly tell all my friend how to do it so they can benefit too. With that in mind, not talking about money seems an absolute nonsense.

God she went on and on and on...

Unfotunately we have a lot of the extras (to keep DH happy) and she was able to behave like a particularly cheerful plumber who has just spotted 6 additional problems with the sewage outlet

And you say this is a 'close' friend?

!

(by the way, I meant 'all my friends'. Not 'my entire friend, who is very large' as that's what it looked like in print!)

ROFL yes a very close friend.

She does this a lot.

But she has other redeeming qualities

Some people are very nosey and love to probe, don't they! Some people don't earn huge amounts but manage to live in lovely houses in nice areas because they have saved, lived frugally, and invested wisely, not to mention played the property market just right in terms of timing. Some people pay for private education, others how could would rather spend it on holidays and big tellies. But that's their call. Some people people appear to be very rich but everything they have is on credit. Some people have tons in the bank but they are not appearances driven and so don't spend it on outward displays of wealth. And some people are just plain hard up!

I usually get people looking the house up and down and saying 'Erm, what did you say your husband did?' Not very subtle!

I hate the kind of people who flaunt their wealth in a really insensitive way and seem to genuinely feel that they are better than poorer people purely by virtue of a pay packet. I am (thanks to my DH, no thanks to me) what most people would consider very affluent (though not stinking rich) and I feel I need to play it down if I'm in the company of people who are not. I'd hate it if they thought I was too up myself. I often find myself telling people that I was actually quite poor as a child (true) because I don't want them to think I'm a spoilt princess with no idea about the real world!

Tiggy, I agree with/ understand everything you wrote - except the first bit! I am crap with money and genuinely want to learn from people who've managed their money better than I have. I also don't feel envy for material things most of the time; I can take or leave most things. So if I asked someone a money question it wouldn't be out of nosiness, it should actually be flattering because it's my way of saying: 'I want to learn from you'.

Is that really all that bad?

I tend to find it is more those with money that have an issue than those that are skint.

people who have money are often far more sensitive about it than those without much.

I occasionally ask how much something is, not in a malicious way but just because I want to know if I can afford it.

I would NEVER ask HOW someone can afford something. The answer would surely be either they earn more or careless about debt then I do!

MrsMerryHenry - I agree completely. That's why I said earlier that the motivation behind the question is what I'd be interested in.

I'm sure I could be better at managing my money and I'd rather ask a (hypothetical) friend who appears to have it sussed than ask a personal financial adviser who has products to (mis)sell. But, as others have said, English culture is so prudish about discussing money.

On the other hand, people flashing their loads of money in your face, uninvited, are just uncouth!

I'm not surprised you didn't understand the first bit - it was gobbledygook! Must check before pressing 'post'

I too am crap with money TBH. I started out with champagne tastes and beer pockets, and have only in the last 10 years or so progressed to champagne pockets! I have a friend who lives in a very nice 5 bed executive detached house on a nice exclusive estate in a nice village. I've know her for about 10 years and I'm sure she has had only two pairs of jeans, three t-shirts and two jumpers in all that time! She has a newish car, but not a flash one. They holiday quite modestly, and I imagine they have tons of money in the bank - it's just the way they are, very sensible, and good luck to them. Also she married young and got on the property ladder when it was much more affordable, but she worked full time until she had her children in her mid to late 30's. That makes a huge difference I think. To have two incomes as a couple for all those years without the expense of children.

We are facing a situation where it is highly likely that my DH may lose his job. We have a big mortgage. Not irresponsibly big in relation to our income - just too big in relation to no income! We have had to cut back on our lifestyle dramatically just in case, as we wouldn't last 5 minutes in our current house - it's big, and expensive to run. We've sold our 'nice' car and kept the boring one, lost the cleaner, those kind of things. It's scary, as we are also committed to school fees. I am aware that that may sound shallow and a bit flippant to people much worse off - sorry, I don't mean it to, just being honest. But the one thing I'm grateful for is that we don't have loads of other borrowing. Since we became better-off we've been able to save for something and buy it outright, and we wouldn't dream of, say, getting a loan for a holiday. I know it's fine for me to say, when I can afford holidays and others can only do it once in a blue moon by borrowing, but it's been such a long time since I've lived on credit cards and I'd be terrified to do it again. I'd sell the house tomorrow rather than get into huge debt just to keep up appearances. I did it in the past when I was young and it was a stupid way to live.

It's always rich people that tell you that money can't buy you happiness, isn't it?! Bloody annoying when you haven't got any and just a bit would make you much happier! What I do know, though, through experience, is that you never really feel rich. As your income goes up so do your financial outgoings and your expectations. And you always know someone richer. things that used to be a real treat become commonplace, so you look for bigger thrills, and more expensive treats. I am glad of the security and the choices it gives me, but no, it hasn't made me happier, not really. I spend most of my time terrified it will be taken away!