Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Horrid text 'joke' from a friend , how do I respond?

123 replies

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 28/02/2009 17:21

I feellike calling and ranting at her. It's bloody horrible.

Should I just ignore it? What do/ would you do?

OP posts:

faeriefruitcake · 01/03/2009 18:50

T juice - I don't need to read the racist joke to understand the context. I would accept thedevilwearsprimark's word for it. Repeating it is just as racist an action as the friend sending it in the first place.

starkadder · 01/03/2009 18:56

I think the thing about "my Asian friends find it funny" is interesting. I bet most Asian people who laugh at that kind of joke don't really find it funny. It's important to be able to laugh at oneself, obviously, but laughing at that kind of cruel joke (jokes that are maliciously directed at you and not just gentle piss taking) makes me think of children at school who laugh along with the bully - in the hope that it will make them part of the crowd and no longer the one being bullied. If that makes sense. Horrible and sad.

The joke is crap and stupid and I think you did the right thing, for what it's worth. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who thought it was OK to send messages like that, particularly the aggressive follow up ones.

Longtalljosie · 01/03/2009 18:56

Fairie - I profoundly disagree. It's entirely clear Primark is not racist, and saying you think she has behaved in a racist manner by providing the joke for context is just unfair.

Longtalljosie · 01/03/2009 18:59

I agree, Starkadder. Did anyone see the second series of Life On Mars, where the black police officer felt he had to make racist jokes himself to be accepted as one of the boys? I thought of that when I read the "my Asian friends find it funny" line. I can't believe that they do.

Mintyy · 01/03/2009 19:06

Oh don't be silly faerie.

MitchyInge · 01/03/2009 19:14

flicks a bogie at faerie

(but quite a small, dry one - not one with a slimy tail or anything)

Numberfour · 01/03/2009 19:23

a friend of mine used to send me ridiculous racist or sexist jokes by text. she is in South Africa and I am in England. Never did she text just to say hello. Only crap jokes. i never replied and i don't hear from her anymore.

chegirl · 01/03/2009 20:15

I love the way they think you are POSH if you are not racist
I have made it very well know that I do not appreciate 'viral' texts and emails. No one who knows me well sends them to me.

If I DO get the odd stray one I have been know to send a 'fuck off you moron' text in reply. All in good fun of course.

You are well rid. What a couple of arses

TJuice · 01/03/2009 20:47

faerie - of course, it isn't as racist for the OP in this AIBU forum to repeat a "joke" that bothered her. It isn't repeated in the manner in which it was told, it isn't regarded as funny by anyone here and therefore its not racist.

solidgoldbullet4myvalentine · 01/03/2009 22:25

Faerie: initially DWP just said the joke was 'horrible', and people do have different thresholds of what is acceptable WRT humour. I like 'sick' jokes and disaster jokes, though I am reasonably careful only to share them with likeminded friends. If someone tells me a sexist/homophobic joke, I respond with one of my treasured selection of straight-white-boy bashing jokes, if someone tells me a racist joke, depending on the context, I am more likely to say something like 'Oh, and I thought Bernard Manning was dead'.
It's possible to disagree with and disapprove of some of another person's opinions without regarding or treating the other person as irredeemable, but you can disagree with someone, and point out to them that you disagree, without starting a huge fight over it - and if you call someone on an offensive remark and they react by being abusive to you, then you know that they are not worth bothering with - if they say sorry for upsetting you and don't repeat the remark, then you can leave it be.

faeriefruitcake · 02/03/2009 14:25

Indeed how silly of me to be upset by the repetition of a racist joke, especially when it was in context that makes it just fine and dandy.

The term 'paki' is racist, it is offensive. DWP did not need to repeat the joke for any of us to understand how upset she was at being sent it. This kind of racism is insidious.

I thought Bernard Manning was dead too but clearly his legacy lives on!

SerendipitousHarlot · 02/03/2009 14:30

faerie, you are being ridiculous. The OP was merely repeating the 'joke' to describe how she found it offensive. She didn't go to the trouble of either typing it out, and falling out with her friends as some kind of double bluff.

Don't be daft.

eandz · 02/03/2009 14:33

her husband got involved? how tacky.

ThePregnantHedgeWitch · 02/03/2009 14:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

eandz · 02/03/2009 14:57

Not all Asians are Muslims, not All Muslim Women who practice Islam follow the practice of wearing the hijab.

just thought i'd point that out.

ok, so whats happening now? any new texts?

KiwiKat · 02/03/2009 15:29

The joke has now been deleted by MN so I have no idea what you're all finding so offensive. Which leads me to say Faerie, you seem to have missed the very obvious, but practical, need for the joke to be included in the first place, if people are going to be analysing and discussing it.

sarah76 · 02/03/2009 15:51

starkadder, I'm inclined to agree with you re: my BIL's asian friends supposedly laughing along with racist jokes.

Thankfully, BIL seems to have finally gotten then hint and stopped sending the racist texts. He and SIL now seem to be focused on making jokes about disabled people--and we're going through the same process of being stone-faced and non-responsive. I wish they would grow up. I'm already thinking about how to 'decontaminate' my DC's brain after exposure to his/her aunt & uncle! (And I'm not even due until August!)

TiggyR · 02/03/2009 16:36

Interesting that your moral objection to the joke (which I didn't see, BTW)now has you labelled as a 'posh bitch'. It's a shame that so many people have that reaction about anyone who doesn't sink to their level. You've obviously made them feel stupid and inadequate. Job done then!

I probably would have let it go and not texted back, but the damage would have been done and I would view that person in a new light from now on.

screamingabdab · 02/03/2009 16:48

Faerifruitcake

With all due respect, have you lost your marbles?

You just used the term pk in your last post, which, as you pointed out is one of the offensive things about the joke.
Does that therefore make you racist, by your reasoning?

screamingabdab · 02/03/2009 16:57

Sorry, meant to type "p..i", not the weird thing that came out

sasamaxx · 02/03/2009 18:15

Didn't see the joke but def sounds racist.
My mum referred to someone as 'coloured' the other day and honestly couldn't see that this was unacceptable. She's not racist - just ignorant. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference...

AuntieMaggie · 02/03/2009 18:29

Me and DP got a joke about Jade Goody too - not funny especially as we both have relatives battling cancer at the moment.

Some people just have a sick and twisted sense of humour.

sasamaxx · 02/03/2009 18:35

Jade Goody jokes are also sick and disgusting

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread