Horrid text 'joke' from a friend , how do I respond?

[TheDevilWearsPrimark]

I feellike calling and ranting at her. It's bloody horrible.

Should I just ignore it? What do/ would you do?

I wouldnt even reply to it. That will make them squirm more.

Drink doesn't change your personality.

It does however, make you a bit more loose tongued.

Anything anyone says to me (or calls me) while drunk, I ALWAYS take as their most honest view. And act accordingly.

Have you replied? Am trying to work out what I'd say in your position. Probably something neutral but non-approving like "Right..." and then just not speak to them again.

You've done a good thing though. People carry on with racist crap like that, thinking it's OK, because other people haven't got the guts to tell them it's unacceptable.

I agree with Flightattendant - depending on the relationship with the person involved depends on how to deal with a situation like this.

I have a friend who is lovely, kind, caring and would do anything for her friends - but she is racist and used to send me racist 'jokes' by text. I wouldn't drop her as a friend but I made it quite clear to her after receieving a few of her racist texts that I didn't find them funny and don't share her views. She now knows to keep her racist jokes and comments to herself.

i agree longtalljosie - i guess nobody wants to be the humourless political correctness "monitor" but I always feel somehow complicit if i let that stuff slide.

Sorry you've lost a friend. Agree with not contacting her or sending a text like StewieGriffinsMum suggests.
Agree that drink doesn't change your personality.
FWIW I can't believe all her other friends found it funny. Most of us didn't even get it (although I suppose if you did find it funny you wouldn't say that on this thread!). I bet she's losing the respect of quite a few friends.

I didn't get the joke either btw, and it would be her and her husband's response to your text that would be the clincher for me, not necessarily the original text 'joke'.

I think I would be tempted to tell her that her dh is a wr

I think I'll just ignore it. I'm still really angry about it tbh. You think you know someone...

I remember once a friend did something dreadful (imo) and I sent her a letter indicating to her the serious error of her ways.

Now, I look back and cringe at my pomposity. I should have just chalked it up, kept and eye, and then if she compounded her first mistake then drifted away from her.

She doesn't sound like she was a very close friend but it's horribly awkward when you have 'x-friends'.

Solid, that 'cunt' analogy is a good way to show older people just how shocking some words seem to younger generations

But surely she (or her dp) has compunded it with the follow up texts.
Yes, I thought the cunt analogy was a good one, problem is I could never bring myself to use it infront of the sort of people you mean! (Like my Grandad who still refers to the p**i shop)

I'm adding 'They Might Be Giants' to the post quoting 'The Specials. From 'your racist friend'

Out of the kitchen to the bedroom through the hallway
Your friend apologises, he can see it my way.
He let the contents of the bottle do the thinking.
Can't shake the devil's hand then say you're only kidding!

Nice!

So why is the racist joke being passed on by being posted here, surely that makes you just as bad as your friend who sent it to you?

In the past I have told friends not to send me racist txts, I don't find them funny.

DH used to get text jokes like that all the time, always racist or about disabled people. Unfortunately it was his younger brother sending them. We've tried to hint to the brother and his wife that we don't find it funny/consider it racist, but their excuse is always that they 'have asian friends who don't mind' so it's ok!

Agree with others who say drinking is no excuse. I've been known to get completely bladdered from time to time, but I don't suddenly become racist or start calling my partner's friend a bitch!

I'd bet they will probably try to carry on as if nothing happened now, and if you continue to ignore them, they'll get outraged and you'll get more of the same name-calling--'but we SAID it was the drink, bitch!' If I'm right, you're well rid of them! Shame I can't do the same with BIL and SIL.

faerie - to provide a context?

A friend received a sick Jade Goody 'joke' the other day and gave the sender a piece of her mind. What's wrong with some people ?

KeepingitRia - I loved the option of the followup joke: "What do you call a balding white man with a mobile phone up his arse?" - that is a perfect response!

TDWP - you handled this very well - and kudos to you for tackling it with your friend (ex friend) - I suspect I would have taken the easy way out and just ignored it, and her, from then on.

It took me a while to get that joke - its too pathetic to be offended by! But i don't like this sort of thing either - racist jokes, jokes about disasters or at peoples expense. I received a very racist email from my uncle once - he is quite old and i suppose set in his ways, but i couldnt let it go - to be fair, he was just forwarding but i was upset and hurt that he thought i would find it funny.

I wrote him an email saying that i really didn't like that sort of thing and would he mind not sending any more - i told him my point of view and he actually said to me that he hadn't given it much thought and he valued my opinions so maybe i might have changed his views (here's hoping).

So thats what i would do - don't have a go at her, but send her an email (not a text too short) explaining to her that you really don't like this sort of thing and that in the light of the current climate where muslims are going to feel really sensitive etc etc that this is not appropriate and something that shows a lack of thought. It could be that she just forwarded without thinking? I would struggle to be friends with someone who is racist tbh, but i don't think the joke was horribly racist, just inappropriate and not even funny.

sarah, its fair enough that your BIL has asian friends who don't mind - then tell him to send them the jokes not you!! The thing is, there are jokes about other races, culture or nationality that ARE funny and i think it is ok in some circs to make fun of other cultures quirks - im sure there are plenty of british quirks that other countries take the piss out of. Its just a very fine line between the sort of asian jokes that you might see on "goodness gracious me" that are very very funny and horribly offensive racism. As i don't know where that line is for people, i don't go there ever. I reckon the law of thumb is, you can tell an asian joke if you are asian, you can tell a black joke if you are black. If that makes any sense at all.

The OPs joke wasn't particularly offensive in my eyes, apart from the use of the word paki obviously. But saying that, in today's climate its not appropriate at all.

I think sarah's "it's OK" was sarcasm

oh yes stealth i know that - my post was directed at her BIL not here, i know she doesn't think its ok

oh i give up - i'm losing the ablity to type

oh sorry, thought you were explaining why it wasn't OK, but you were meaning for her to tell BIL
Well I can't think today so that makes 2 of us