Or mean or strange or odd for not buying my 3year old sweets not even as a reward not even if he is 'very very very good'!

[Sails]

I know the consensus will probably be that I am! Sil came round yesterday. Then dh, mil and sil had to go to out and ds1 said I want to come with you. Sil said we'll come back later mummy what sweets does he like? I said I don't really know as I don't buy him sweets! Sil not even if he's good and I said no and she said what if he's really really really good and I said I still don't sorry! Anyway ds1 ended up going with them but I got the distinct impression that sil was shocked even felt sorry for him! Aibu?

Nightcrawly, of course enjoying sweets and healthy foods are not mutually exclusive. But the former are unnecessary and of no nutritional value, so there is no harm in holding off giving them to a toddler. It doesn't mean it's evil to give them, just preferable to avoid it - and there's no need to 'demonise' sweets in the process. A healthy diet CAN include occasional sweets, but it certainly doesn't have to. I never mentioned addiction at all, although obviously if a child were to eat a lot of one thing, a fresh cheese made from natural ingredients ('good') would be better than an e-number stuffed cheese string ('bad).

Whilst I don't think you are BU (I didn't buy DS sweets for a long time - he is 2.4 now), I wouldn't worry too much about it BUT I wouldn't give sweets as a reward for good behaviour, that just sends a very twisted message IMO.

Ermintrude - 'intrinsic and valuable element of life nor a vital skill to be learnt' shortened to educational.

I include a few sweets in the 'joy' of childhood - you don't - so shoot me!

I'd rather my DC take their earliest foodie pleasures from healthier stuff so that by the time sweets are unavoidable - which they will be - they can enjoy them, but not more than a juicy strawberry or ripe melon or fresh bread or chunk of good cheese

You are assuming that my little ones prefer sweets to these other things based on what exactly? They already have a healthy attitude to 'foodie pleasures', why would you presume this not to be the case??

Nightcrawley/Goldenbear you both said it so well....

I never 'banned' sweets from my dc's diet, but as we live miles away from the shops & only did a shop once a week, as soon as whatever sweet stuff we bought was done that was it!

Mt dd doesn't have a sweet tooth. Ds however would eat sweets 'til the cows come home if given a chance!

The differences? dd was at home with me from she was born, when she was being weaned etc... I was working by the time ds was born so a cm had an influence on his eating too & she chose to 'treat' the children (from about 2 upwards) with chocolate buttons..... and I think that's where ds got his sweet tooth.

They are now 4 & 7 & get sweets once a week on a Friday. There is a little old fashioned candy store near my office where I nip in & get a 10p mix up for them. So their sweets cost me 20p a week.... they're off their 'Friday treats' for lent... I said I would buy them comic books instead.. yesterday the feckin magazine cost me £2.35 & £2.75!!! They were the cheaped ones there!!!

God what IS the big deal about sweets!!!
What else do the sweet banners forbid...cakes? biscuits? honey?

DS is 2 and doesn't get 'sweets' but does get chocolate a couple of times a week and the occasional biscuit (gingerbread man etc). Sometimes he gets cake.

I don't like sweets but it is mostly the ingredients rather than the concept.

Sweets should not be a reward, but a treat, something nice to enjoy just because. Not something earned, nor something routine, IMO.

I don't think you should totally refuse him sweets though because they will become the all-wonderful-banished-can't-get-enough-of-them thing that eh spends every penny of his pocket money on when he is older. Agree with TDWP about books being a god 'reward'. If any of mine are extra well-behaved they get to choose a book from amazon and love to wait for it to arrive.

When ds was two, he didn't like sweets. We went to see a carnival procession where people on the floats were throwing sweets into the crowd. Some older children kindly shared with ds (he was too little to catch any) and he spat them out!

Didn't last though.

i honestly think sweets are the devils spawn. When i think of the hours spent in the dentist's chair as a child i want my ds to avoid that misery if at all possible. However, I am careful not to deny him sweets, i just never buy them and he never shows interest in them. He does get chocolate, ice cream, lollies, etc, but just not sweets. Most of the time they are made of ground up cattle bone and sugar and i have told ds that [4] and so he doesn't want them.

devil's spawn.

I think you are spot on with your approach. my dd would refuse sweets from strangers because she didn't know what they were!

There comes a day when they will have sweets in their world but no need to hasten the day imo. Also sweets as a reward is not the way I would go.

Stand firm against ctiticism! The dentist will back you up! Remember that the ones who feed your child sweets will not be the same ones holding his hand at the dentist.

I had free access to sweets, biscuits and 'pop' as a child, and my mother was non too pushy with the old toothbrush either. I have a bright white set of unfilled gnashers. Your teeth are more to do with how you clean them and genetically predisposed strength than one packet of sweets a week given as a child (which both my children get, on a Friday on the way home from school.)

well that's a bit like saying 'my grandmas smoked 50 fags a day for 100 years and she's ok'

No, not if that is your choice YANBU so long as he does get treats in some way - i think your very sensible.

My friend does allow her DD to go and buy some penny sweets if she is good. I would dearly love to go along with DD and have her choose a small selection of sweets as a treat, but she doesn't like them

I agree with those who expressed a measured attitude towards sweets.

Food is very important in our household (DH is French), and is viewed as a pleasurable thing. Sweets are incorporated seamlessly into our diets - maple syrup for pancakes, jam on buttered crumpets, juicy berries and melons in summer, good quality ice-cream on hot summer days, hot chocolates on cold ones, and nutella-filled ebelskivers (danish round pancakes) on special week-ends. DS1 and I bake often (gingerbread houses at Christmes, cakes, pies) and it is a source of pleasure for the two of us (so I DO think that sweet things play a special part of childhood). Sweets aren't seen as forbidden; moderation and quality are key, as is incorporating them into the meal, and not outside.

I agree with those who refuse to buy sweeties and candy bars - abysmal stuff of ghastly quality. However, I don't forbid DS them if they are offered in a party setting. Have to say, he finds them pretty gross too because he knows what good chocolate tastes like, and finds sweeties too sweet.

ChippingIn, since I haven't attacked people who give their toddlers sweets you don't need to defend yourself. It's a shame you reduce 'intrinsic and valuable element of life nor a vital skill to be learnt' to 'educational' because I think fun is part of education - but putting sweets up there on the fun list as a matter of course isn't necessary.

One of my DC loves sweets, the other has a few and then asks for fruit - amongst my friends the latter is an unusual response, so it's not controversial to suggest that MOST kids, given the choice of sweets or healthy food, would choose sweets. That's why we don't constantly give them the choice.

Ermintrude - In fact you did attack my (and others)opinion By ermintrude13 on Sat 28-Feb-09 15:51:12
It's a bit daft to talk about sweets being 'part of the fun of childhood'. Eating sweets is hardly an intrinsic and valuable element of life, or a vital skill which needs to be learned at an early age, is it? Certainly not to be associated with rewards for behaviour, and best not to be introduced for as long as possible - ideally school age. I wonder if there are lots of greedy parents who fixate on chocolate and think that to withhold it, even from a child who knows nothing about it, is some form of torture .

Putting building sandcastles or running through long grass up there on the fun list as a matter of course isn't necessary either, however, both of those and being allowed some sweets certainly can be fun.

Where, exactly, did I say that kids should 'constantly be given the choice of sweets or healthy food'?

I sort of agree with your thinking but I think you are being a little bit OTT. I didn't buy my eldest sweets, but she had buttons etc bought to her from about the age of 1. She's not keen on sticky, jelly stuff but now I'm older and wiser and have loads more kids I'm a lot more chilled out. What happens if he goes to a party ?

ChippingIn - I had no idea you thought eating sweets was an intrinsic and valuable part of childhood, which was the position I was criticising. In fact, I didn't name anybody. Nor did I say that anyone in particular had suggested kids should constantly be given the choice of sweets or healthy food, either - simply that doing so seems to me to be a bad idea.

What I did do was post to say I think the OP is not being unreasonable and why that's my opinion. Seems simple enough.

I love the way people say they "put away" their dc's easter eggs, gifts of sweets, etc...what do you do with them . I'm sorry, I know it is good intentions, and all that but it cracks me up at toddler groups, days out when the parents are eating crisps, cakes, biscuits and their children are eating plain rice cakes...which I would never willingly put in my own mouth!

I don't think you're being mean, strange or odd Sails...I actually agree with what you're doing. DS is 2.6 and we have never bought him sweets of any kind and we try not to let him have sweets or chocolate in any social occasions (although he has had choc chip muffins!)

All this bllx about 'is this your only child or PFB' is neither here nor there....it's personal choice at the end of the day.

At parties, parents ask if DS can have sweets/chocolate and DS has never noticed he's usually the only one not eating sweet stuff and he hasn't asked if he can have some. We have a friend who is always desperate to give DS a glass of coke WTF?! I am happily 'controlling' that part of his diet and will continue to do so until (as another MNetter said earlier in the thread) DS is able to brush his teeth properly....only then will I give him a freer rein on his diet.

I agree that moderation is the key but IMO I feel that there is plenty of time for DS to have sweets. When he does, it definitely won't be as a reward or 'treat'. As a young child (up to about 5) I was not allowed chocolate or sweets (biscuits yes) and I now have a healthy and varied appetite, thank you

Hee, hee....just realised that my name might suggest that I am a sweet fiend but I truly am not! I do love Haribo but only have them every now and again as they make my teeth ache from sugar content