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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or mean or strange or odd for not buying my 3year old sweets not even as a reward not even if he is 'very very very good'!

136 replies

Sails · 28/02/2009 11:55

I know the consensus will probably be that I am! Sil came round yesterday. Then dh, mil and sil had to go to out and ds1 said I want to come with you. Sil said we'll come back later mummy what sweets does he like? I said I don't really know as I don't buy him sweets! Sil not even if he's good and I said no and she said what if he's really really really good and I said I still don't sorry! Anyway ds1 ended up going with them but I got the distinct impression that sil was shocked even felt sorry for him! Aibu?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sails · 28/02/2009 12:34

Have never given my childen easter eggs. Have told mil since ds1 was 18 months not to buy him easter eggs but bought him one that year and also last year. He got 3 last year from pil, bil and dhs aunty and uncle all ok according to mil as they were organic! And yes ds1 didn't get any of them I had asked them not too! DS2 is now 15 months will mil buy for him? I don't know! Sil bought ds2 chocolate buttons for christmas and he never saw them either. Yes I got easter eggs when I was a child but not at that age

OP posts:
Thunderduck · 28/02/2009 12:35

How can anyone hate Percy Pigs?

Still I'm glad you do, it means there's more for me.

ChippingIn · 28/02/2009 12:40

YAB a bit U

Why didn't you just say 'No, he doesn't. When he is a really, really good boy he gets a comic/book/extra hugs/pat on the head' we don't use sweets as a reward for good behaviour. End of.

Your child - your choice.

However, I think it's a shame a 3yo doesn't get any sweets - they are part of the fun of being a kid.

If you are worried about their teeth then you aren't cleaning them properly and as TheDevil said - raisins and fruit juice are just as bad - if not worse!

piscesmoon · 28/02/2009 12:41

I believe it is much better to have everything in moderation. Easter eggs are part of our culture.
My biggest memory of moving to a new area with a toddler was joining the NCT, at the first coffee morning I offered a biscuit to a toddler and the mother said 'Oh Miranda never eats biscuits'-the assumption being that I was a dreadful mother to even suggest it! It made me smile afterwards because the only DC who was interested in the biscuits was Miranda! All the other toddlers were too busy playing-Miranda was the only one obsessed with getting a biscuit! There is a great danger in forbidden fruits!

Thunderduck · 28/02/2009 12:42

I would avoid lollipops like the plague though.

piscesmoon · 28/02/2009 12:44

I would avoid them but you will find out when they mix with other DCs that they get given lollipops on birthdays, it is easy when they are 2 and you have total control-it gradually gets harder. Much better not to make them a big deal in the first place.

ChippyMinton · 28/02/2009 12:51

I am pondering the economics of buying comics rather than sweets, for 3 DC:
3 x £2 comic = £6
3 x 20p choc bar = 60p

It's a no-brainer in this house, along with the 'everything in moderation' approach.

Sails - I don't understand why you can buy your DC an Easter egg, but no-one else can? Did they get to eat them, or did you give & then take it away again?

ChippyMinton · 28/02/2009 12:53

ah, just reread your post, and it was your MIL that bought the easter eggs...out of interest, did you chuck them, give them away or eat them yourself?

CharleeInChains · 28/02/2009 13:01

Everything in moderation i say.

Does he get sweets at all? Or do you just not give them as rewards?

I think its a shame to neverhave sweets at all or chocolate it can teach that sweets are nice but are to be eaten in moderation.

My boys get sweets ocassionally but not as a reward and when they do get them they have 5 or 10p to ask the lady in the opst office to get them some penny sweets so its never alot.

I had this problem growing up with take aways, my mum wouldn't let us have them but as soon as i got my own money i brought them all the time as it was the unknown and I expanded into a whale.

I don't want any food to be withheld from my kids for this reason, except obviously things like alcahol.

Littlefish · 28/02/2009 13:01

My dd is 4. Last week I bought her sweets for the first time. We were out with friends, and both of them bought a packet of jelly tots for their children. It seemed inappropriate not to buy some for dd.

However, as I said, until then, I had never bought her sweets while we were out shopping.

She has, of course, eaten sweets and chocolate at Christmas, Easter, or other children's birthdays. However, neither dh or I buy them, so why would we buy them for dd.

If I want to reward dd, I spend time with her doing something she really wants, like face painting, or playdough etc. I put aside an hour, and force myself not to go and load the dishwasher etc.

ScummyMummy · 28/02/2009 13:07

Not rewarding with sweets is fine. Probably a good idea infact.

Never ever allowing your child sweets is pretty mean/strange/odd/unreasonable, imo. He probably won't care much at 3 but later on he may well resent it. Agree with others that forbidding foods can set up problems.

babymt · 28/02/2009 13:17

I think YANBU.

I'm very anti the kids eating things like marshmallows, haribo, lollipops etc. I just think those things are a load of refined sugar which their body really can't cope with at this age. You just watch how some kids go totally mental on things like this.

I've been frowned upon but so what? Its my choice as they are my kids and dh agrees.

I do however give them biscuits, cakes, flapjacks, etc. But those things don't contain anywhere near the same levels of sugar and sweetners. I'm also against anything with saccarin or aspartame in it as well as stuff packed with e numbers.

I can count the amount of times I've bought my kids chocolate on one hand.

I too take easter eggs, gold coins, party bag presents away and the kids never complain. For easter I'll allow chocolate on the day but no eggs after that (I use them in cooking). Other sweety presents are "put away for later" and they generally forget about them. They are only 2 and 4 though so how long I can keep that up I don't know!

Original poster
Sails · 28/02/2009 13:19

I have never bought my dc an easter egg and I asked pil not to buy them aswell. THis year will prob be different for ds1 atleast (still won't buy as he will get loads from the inlaws knowing them) but not ds2. Still too young imo!

OP posts:
Original poster
Sails · 28/02/2009 13:24

And yes easter egg were conficated last year I was mostly annoyed that my wishes as a parent weren't listened. My parents were shocked they are doing this and said he is far too young!

OP posts:
MrsMcCluskey · 28/02/2009 13:24

No sweets!
What a miseerable existence.
I eat loads of sweets and have no fillings.

tumtumtetum · 28/02/2009 13:35

i don't buy DD sweets or chocs etc but I know DH does buy her iced buns and things occasionally when I'm not looking and the GPs too. She will get easter eggs and that is fine. She's 20mo.

For me it's about not "banning" anything as that's not healthy IMO, but equally not dishing them out often, having them in the house as a matter of course etc. So it's not that they're a "treat" or "naughty", they are fine and yummy but just happen not to be around very much...

Will all change once she realises where they are in the shops though I'm sure!

Foxed her the other day BTW - she thinks any bright plasticy packaging means something nice to eat (how do they know) and she got very excited when I opened a new packet of marigolds

Fairynufff · 28/02/2009 13:41

YANBU but I wouldn't ban them completely to avoid the 'forbidden fruit' syndrome.

I requested that my child's nursery stop giving her the sweets that people bring in for their children's birthday and I was treated like a total freak: "There are only 30 children so it's only 30 times a year!". I just feel that an educational establishment should be seen to be promoting healthy options not offering to be the distributor for what are often tacky, highly coloured bags of sugar and e-numbers.

mm22bys · 28/02/2009 13:46

We do offer sweets as a reward, but very often DS1 is just not interested. We were quite "strict" when we were weaning him and gsve him lots of meat and veg, and not a huge amount of fruit. Hence he doesn't have a sweet tooth. Even yesterday I offered to share a piece of chocolate cake with him, and he had one taste - he didn't want anymore as it was just too sweet for him...

He is four years old...

His two year old brother, different matter though. We were less strict with weaning to get calories in him, and even now, if we let him he would live on fruit and chocolate! We were delighted last night to find he was happy to eat pork meat balls!

YANBU

mm22bys · 28/02/2009 13:48

I should say too, we do also offer him books as treats as well, very often he wants a Thomas one (you know the £3 ones...)

beanieb · 28/02/2009 15:37

Easter eggs are not part of my culture.

snickersnack · 28/02/2009 15:47

Sweets aren't a reward for being good in our house. They are just an occasional treat. Mostly chocolate based - better for their teeth. As a younger child, ds has more access than his sister ever did at his age, though - every time she comes home from a party, he knows that if he sees a balloon, there's a good chance she'll have sweets as well.

MmeLindt · 28/02/2009 15:51

YABU

My SIL was very strict about not giving her DD sweets which worked until her DD was about 3.5yo.

She gradually allowed her DD to have sweets but her DD was, and still is unable to control her sweet tooth. The other nieces and nephews would have a piece of chocolate, she would have the whole bar.

She has a very unhealthy relationship with food now, is very overweight and sadly heading for a life as an obese adult unless things change. (She is now 14yo)

I am not saying that this will always happen but forbidding something (TV, sweets, even Fruit Shoots) make them all the more appealing to children. Everything in moderation is the rule in our house.

ermintrude13 · 28/02/2009 15:51

It's a bit daft to talk about sweets being 'part of the fun of childhood'. Eating sweets is hardly an intrinsic and valuable element of life, or a vital skill which needs to be learned at an early age, is it? Certainly not to be associated with rewards for behaviour, and best not to be introduced for as long as possible - ideally school age. I wonder if there are lots of greedy parents who fixate on chocolate and think that to withhold it, even from a child who knows nothing about it, is some form of torture .

Your DC hasn't lost out on anything and will doubtless munch away happily on all the confectionery rubbish he'll get in party bags for the next dozen years and more...

TheCrackFox · 28/02/2009 16:08

YABU (ish) - the odd sweetie is fine.

FWIW I used to eat loads of sweets as a kid and have never had a filling. The odd bag of chocolate buttons is fine.

christiana · 28/02/2009 16:12

Message withdrawn