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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be gobsmacked at the audacity of the shopkeeper today

101 replies

LucyEllensmummy · 26/02/2009 18:13

Today i went into a small local gift shop to buy a present for a friends DD. She is having a party and had gone in wiht my DD to buy some beads. This shop sells nothing else of interest to my DD and she already has the beads. So, we buy the beads and the lady said to DD "are these for you" - i winced inwardly thinking, great, how shes gonna kick off - So i said, No, and DD didn't really say anything. She didn't ask for anything and there was nothing in the shop that i really wanted for her as most of teh stuff too young. I just said, oh dd already has the beads, we are buying them for her friends b-day. DD was quite chuffed about this. Then as we were leaving the woman said to DD - oh, aren't you getting anything?? DD didnt answer, she is shy i was like WTF?? So the woman (kindly?) gave DD a little wooden money box which was worht £4. She said, "oh, here i've got to give you something because i think thats really rotten that you have nothing!!" I was VERY tempted to invite the woman round to my house to see just how much "nothing" my DD has. (V. indulgent g.parents and daddy!) She had with her what is clearly a brand new mini-micro scooter, so she blatantly doesn't go without. I couldnt see DDs face to see if she was miserable, but she hadn't asked for anything. Or even shown any interest in having anything otherwise i might have bought her something cheap - IF SHE HAD WANTED IT!!!

So, am i a mean spirited mother who buys other children presents and buys nothing for my DD? I don't think so, in fact im pretty sure my DD is overindulged if i am honest and that was probably the reason why she didn't ask for anything.

I was pretty speechless actually and just muttered thanks and left the shop - i'll not be going back! Which is a pain as the beads are my stock buy for girly presents (they look more expensive than they actually are )

OP posts:
sagacious · 26/02/2009 18:16

YABU

Shopkeeper sounds like she was trying to be nice.

Lawks · 26/02/2009 18:17

You're barking.

Othersideofthechannel · 26/02/2009 18:28

Maybe because you were such a regular customer for the beads the shopkeeper wanted to give you a freebie.

I am sure she didn't mean to imply you are mean to your DD.

FlorenceofArabia · 26/02/2009 18:32

I would have been chuffed with the £4 moneybox!

Lulumama · 26/02/2009 18:32

bloody hell , LEM !! people try to be nice, kind and make your DD feel special and you manage to find fault !!

that is not audacious, that is lovely and sweet

you need to stop looking to pick fights with everyone and take niceness as it is offered

if you are a regular, she wanst to keep you coming back

maybe she is struggling and wants for you to tell all her friends what a great shop and how great the staff are

don;t cut off your nose to spite your face

this woman did something lovely

be grateful

YABVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVU

RaspberryBlower · 26/02/2009 18:39

Yabu - She was just trying to be nice.

I was in a shop the other day and the woman gave dd something for free just for being cute.

Original poster
LucyEllensmummy · 26/02/2009 18:39

Ive never seen the mad bint before in the shop actually!! I think giving DD the money box was VERY kind actually - although DD looked at her as if she were mad. It was the comments of "I think its rotten, that you haven't got anything" was out of order and can't believe anyone else would think differently.

OP posts:
InmyheadIminParis · 26/02/2009 18:40

I'm with the others here - I think she was just being nice. I remember everyone who brought our DD a present when our DS was born (so that she wouldn't feel left out) at the time I had to bite back annoyance (we weren't leaving her out and she was excited about the new baby) but you just have to remember that people are being kind. Perhaphs the shopkeeper might have been impressed at how good your DD was being at not asking for anything for herself while you were shoping for her friend?

Original poster
LucyEllensmummy · 26/02/2009 18:42

Also, we were in the cafe before this and the owner tried to give DD a cookie (he always gives DD something, i think she looks like his DGD) but she wasnted a lolly - so she had a lolly - i think that is lovely and is often why i go back to his shop. I just think this woman overstepped the mark. Its all in the context. The cafe owner didn't say to DD - "oh, your mum didn't buy you a pudding, here have a cookie" he just said to me "can she have a cookie" and that was kindness. I am able to read the difference.

OP posts:
screamingabdab · 26/02/2009 18:43

YANBU or maybe yabu ??

It's not the giving of the gift - on the face of it very generous, it's the implied insult to you, and the manipulation of your daughter you don't like.

However, perversly, your DD might get the message that if she DOESN'T ask for things in a toy shop, then she may get something, thus ensuring she doesn't beg for things in future! RESULT! (maybe, not sure...)

Desiderata · 26/02/2009 18:43

I think your daughter ought to learn some manners if she can't say thank you to an act of kindness.

Overindulged in all respects, I should say.

TheFallenMadonna · 26/02/2009 18:46

I do think you are being oversensitive TBH.

Original poster
LucyEllensmummy · 26/02/2009 18:46

Desi what are you talking about?? unlike you to be insulting

OP posts:
Original poster
LucyEllensmummy · 26/02/2009 18:49

I have to say i was that DD didn't ask for anything, but there obviously nothing she wanted. We tend to go bargain hunting after playschool and we were on our way to do just that, where we trawl the charity shops and she gets a "bargain". If she had asked for something and it was reasonable, of course i would have bought it for her, and if the woman had said to my DD - Oh what a good girl, buying a pressie for your friend, heres a little something for you then my post would have been in chat saying Awwww, lovely shop lady gave DD a pressie today, but it wasn't and it made me oversensitive? I honestly don't think so.

There is nothing wrong with my DDs manners and i got her to say "fanks" to the lady, of course i did.

OP posts:
troutpout · 26/02/2009 18:51

aww yab a little bit u Lucy
Very kind of lady...and she obviously took a shine to your daughter and was looking for an excuse to give her something

troutpout · 26/02/2009 18:54

sorry ...not getting why it made you angry at all

2shoes · 26/02/2009 18:56

yabu, what a kind shop keeper

Original poster
LucyEllensmummy · 26/02/2009 18:57

It wasn't the actions, it was the words - thats all. but hey, im perfectly happy to wear the IABU badge for today. I must practice being nicer!

OP posts:
2shoes · 26/02/2009 18:58
Grin
nailpolish · 26/02/2009 19:00

tbh i agree with the Op

id be annoyed at a shopkeeper implying iwas a "rotten" parent

FAQinglovely · 26/02/2009 19:03

my DS's have frequently got stuff for free (nothing as nice as a £4 money box though!) in shops. I thank them, and make my children (if old enough to talk) thank them and leave.

And I once had a little old lady that lived next to the shop insist I wait outside the hsop while she popped home for something - she came back with a litle teddy bear which she gave to DS1 (who was still little at the time). She was absolutely insistent that he have it "because he was so lovely"

I certainly don't complain!

nailpolish · 26/02/2009 19:04

faq i dont think the OP is complaining about the woman being kind and giving her dd a present, just that she was calling her "rotten"

FAQinglovely · 26/02/2009 19:06

well I've had all sorts of "implications" in the words said when they've given my DS's free stuff, but I've never took them personally -

nailpolish · 26/02/2009 19:07

i take insults personally

mousemole · 26/02/2009 19:07

I think the shop lady was being a pain and I dont think YABU. Might be good intentions and all that but tricky. I think I am a bit grumpy on the back of a recent experience. We were in the hairdressers the other day and they offered my DS's ( 1 and 3) some multi coloured, e number ridden hyper active lollies which of course they jumped on. Said sons were then unbearable and hyper for approx 5 hrs. I dont need kindness like that !!!

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