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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be gobsmacked at the audacity of the shopkeeper today

101 replies

LucyEllensmummy · 26/02/2009 18:13

Today i went into a small local gift shop to buy a present for a friends DD. She is having a party and had gone in wiht my DD to buy some beads. This shop sells nothing else of interest to my DD and she already has the beads. So, we buy the beads and the lady said to DD "are these for you" - i winced inwardly thinking, great, how shes gonna kick off - So i said, No, and DD didn't really say anything. She didn't ask for anything and there was nothing in the shop that i really wanted for her as most of teh stuff too young. I just said, oh dd already has the beads, we are buying them for her friends b-day. DD was quite chuffed about this. Then as we were leaving the woman said to DD - oh, aren't you getting anything?? DD didnt answer, she is shy i was like WTF?? So the woman (kindly?) gave DD a little wooden money box which was worht £4. She said, "oh, here i've got to give you something because i think thats really rotten that you have nothing!!" I was VERY tempted to invite the woman round to my house to see just how much "nothing" my DD has. (V. indulgent g.parents and daddy!) She had with her what is clearly a brand new mini-micro scooter, so she blatantly doesn't go without. I couldnt see DDs face to see if she was miserable, but she hadn't asked for anything. Or even shown any interest in having anything otherwise i might have bought her something cheap - IF SHE HAD WANTED IT!!!

So, am i a mean spirited mother who buys other children presents and buys nothing for my DD? I don't think so, in fact im pretty sure my DD is overindulged if i am honest and that was probably the reason why she didn't ask for anything.

I was pretty speechless actually and just muttered thanks and left the shop - i'll not be going back! Which is a pain as the beads are my stock buy for girly presents (they look more expensive than they actually are )

OP posts:
HarrietTheSpy · 01/03/2009 17:15

No, reasonable to be irritated. DD1 is at the age where we can;'t go anywhere without being badgered to have a magazine bought or some other item, etc. "Is this for me?" "No, sweetie it;s a present." "Awwwh! I want this." etc. We've had to take a stand on the treats. I can imagine having had a discussion about this prior to going in the store as you did to buy the present and then feeling a irritated by the shopkeeper's behaviour.

And I'm barking enough to wonder if the lady was hoping for me to turn around and offer to pay for the item - and I probably would have felt obliged (not saying you should have, it's just how I would have felt.)

lucy678 · 01/03/2009 17:16

LEM
get over it, someone criticised you.

Original poster
LucyEllensmummy · 01/03/2009 17:16

good point harriet! Probably did - oh well, im sure they sell those beads in other shops!

OP posts:
Original poster
LucyEllensmummy · 01/03/2009 17:17

they criticised me wrongly! I couldnt care less what they think but she overstepped the mark. Im not losing sleep over it though

OP posts:
lucy678 · 01/03/2009 17:20

SO what
loads of people do that
you are over reacting

MrsGuyOfGisbourne · 01/03/2009 17:28

YANBU - she a was out of order, and very rude. I hate it when my dc are constantly offered lollipops by shopkeepers, restaurant staff etc without any refernec to me. The shopkeepr should have discreetly checked with you forst, not undermined you.

Lucy246 · 01/03/2009 17:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
LucyEllensmummy · 01/03/2009 17:44

OK lucy, you are freaking me out - firstly, ive scoured the thread and can't find a post by cod and secondly - how did you KNOW about my hair??

OP posts:
Original poster
LucyEllensmummy · 01/03/2009 17:44

Am i having an halluctination - HOW many lucy's are there on this thread?

OP posts:
Lucy246 · 01/03/2009 17:50

You cant find a post by Cod? May I suggest you look harder

Original poster
LucyEllensmummy · 01/03/2009 17:56

ive scrolled through and i have a couple of candidates but i don't want to say - i thought she had fecked off? LEM starts to question her own sanity

OP posts:
Lucy246 · 01/03/2009 18:00

Moldies cannot be as good as they say

Mintyy · 01/03/2009 18:07

Yanbu.

I am as sociable and chatty with local shopkeepers as the next woman. I do most of my shopping in small local shops and know almost every shopkeeper on my high street by sight if not by name (tis very like Camberwick Green here, even though in London) but I would have been very very irritated indeed by your experience LEM.

LEM is not being groucy or antisocial or unsympathetic to the old lady shopkeeper. The shopkeeper was just plain wrong. Maybe unintentionally, but she was still unthoughtful.

MsSparkle · 01/03/2009 18:12

I think yanbu. It's good to teach your kids that just because your in a shop buying presents for your kids friends that doesn't warrant them to get presents too. The woman was kind to give your dd something but i feel it wasn't her place to decide whether your dd was "left out" or not and definatly should have asked you first if she could give your dd a present.

A friend of mines dd has so much stuff, most of which she never plays with and has only been played with/looked at twice because my friend can't say no and just buys her dd something, whether she needs it or not when out.

Quattrocento · 01/03/2009 18:21

Agree with Edam, and also with the poster who said you've got too much time on your hands.

chenin · 01/03/2009 18:30

The most I would have thought is... 'oh shut up you silly old bat' and I would have forgotten it by the time I walked out the shop. Your DD is not affected by it, it is an irrelevance and really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things....

Original poster
LucyEllensmummy · 01/03/2009 18:33

oh i agree hellie, but i really do have too much time on my hands

OP posts:
pamelat · 01/03/2009 18:38

I would have probably said "no thank you we dont need anything, DD has everything she needs" and left.

I think that it was a sweet idea to give something to your DD but definately implies that you are a bad mother to not have bought it.

For some reason this would bother me a lot more from a female than a male. I would take it as a challenge to my mothering abilities and be upset. But then I know I am often unreasonable

MillyR · 01/03/2009 18:40

I don't know about the actual scenario; I think I would have had to be there to make a judgement based on tone of voice of the shopkeeper, eye contact etc.

But BEADS! That strikes fear into me. I hope it was a pre-made bead necklace that the party girl could just put on. I dread my dd's birthday party because there will always be at least 2 sets of those wooden beads. I know it is mean, but I take them away straight away, or it is just 100's of beads spilt all over the house within days.

Beads are the school age equivalent of buying someone else's toddler a drum kit and a trumpet.

brimfull · 01/03/2009 18:41

let me get this straight

you are annoyed that a shopkeeper gave your dd a gift?

yabu
and a looon a paranoid loooon

Original poster
LucyEllensmummy · 01/03/2009 18:48

Milly really?????? Fuckity fuck!! Wooden beads too - the last little girl i bought them for, her mum said a gushing thankyou! My DD loves beads. Oh dear!!

No, ggirl, i wasn't pissed off about the gift, im pissed off about what she said! But yeah, im happy to wear the paranoid loon badge - i quite like it, do you think it suits me?

OP posts:
needahand · 01/03/2009 18:49

Actually I am with the OP on this one and no YANBU

I think the comment was out of place

I think the gift was out of place and she should have asked you first and not your DD (personally I am trying to teach my DD 3 to not accept sweets etc from stangers). Shop keeper should know better

Finally I wonder if she wasn't relying on your feeling guilty and saying "hang on, I'll pay for the moneybox". I think she was trying for a manipulative forced sale.

I don't think she was being nice, otherwise you wouldn't have received her intentions with weariness / annoyance.

MillyR · 01/03/2009 18:52

LEM; it is probably just me. Other people probably have more sensible daughters, who would not spread huge numbers of beads all over the house but would sensibly make bracelets with them instead.

MadameCastafiore · 01/03/2009 18:53

Feck me - lets hope her next job is working for Bulgari and I am her first customer with my grumpy face on!

steviesgirl · 01/03/2009 19:01

LEM, for what it's worth, (and I know totally how wound up you were by her "really rotten" comment), for your own happiness it's time that you moved on from the other day. It's all been said and done, don't let it wind you up any more. Forget the past.

Just don't go in there anymore and then you won't have to put up with the old bat again will you. I've dwelled on things for days that have been said to me before now, and I've learned that they are only words, so I don't let them get me down anymore. You know you are right, just let it go in one ear and out of the other for your own sanity.