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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be thrilled that my friend has very politely requested that folk don't bring kids to his wedding.

174 replies

WouldYouCouldYouWithAGoat · 26/02/2009 17:51

i love dd but quite excited at possiblity of a weekend sans children.

OP posts:
paolosgirl · 27/02/2009 20:22

Crikey - a bunch of toddlers, disrupting a wedding? What sort of weddings are these that you attend, and how many toddlers exactly are we talking about??!!

Thunderduck · 27/02/2009 20:23

When dp and I marry I think I'd rather have a child free wedding

I prefer small formal weddings, just a few friends and family members. not large weddings with hundreds of people, unlimited alcohol, people being drunk, crude speeches, kids running all over the place etc.

Not that there's anything wrong with those type of weddings, it just wouldn't be my choice.

Thunderduck · 27/02/2009 20:24

I attend Satanic weddings mostly. If they don't behave at least we know we can always pick the most badly behaved child to sacrifice on the altar later as a gift for the happy couple.

paolosgirl · 27/02/2009 20:25

Yes, we had a small (informal) wedding. 40 guests and one toddler who managed not to'disrupt' our wedding.

Do you have children Thunderduck?

Thunderduck · 27/02/2009 20:26

Not yet, waiting for dp to finish his phd so we can try for a child, or more likely adopt.

Posters who do have children have also said they enjoy child free weddings though.

tumtumtetum · 27/02/2009 20:27

My parents friends don't have small children (boak at the thought!).

It obviously boils down to who you are, who your friends are, what your family are like, where you are having it etc etc. If all my friends had out of control children who would have been up at the front during the ceremony shouting obscenities at me while their parents happily looked on then maybe it would have been a different story.

But that's the thing isn't it - it's not strangers who are saying we can't bring DD - it's people who know us well and were ushers at our wedding etc etc. Maybe they just don't like DD She is only 18mo though and genuinely as good as gold, even my brother will admit it.

Thunderduck · 27/02/2009 20:27

One toddler is a tad more controllable and less disruptive if they act up than the few dozen children which is normally the case at my family's weddings.

paolosgirl · 27/02/2009 20:29

Yes, some do. Others aren't bothered either way.

BoffinMum · 27/02/2009 20:29

If you are not a parent, why are you on MN, Thunderduck??

tumtumtetum · 27/02/2009 20:30

thunderduck, reading your last post, it seems to me that your problem is not so much with children at weddings per se, but with chavvy weddings full stop.

You don't have to have a 600 person booze fuelled orgy with gangs of children cavorting unfettered through proceedings. If you have a small do of say 20 and there are 2 kids there and they are all your close friends I really don't think you'd have anything to worry about disruption wise.

tumtumtetum · 27/02/2009 20:32

Gah not your last post the one before!

Now I have said your fanily have chavvy weddings which was of course not what I meant - you hadn't written that yet!

FFS...

ilovemyghds · 27/02/2009 20:33

To the OP - am in agreement. It is really nice to sometimes have the chance to go to something as a couple and not as a family.

We are going to DHs boss' wedding in the summer and children are not invited. We will go (leaving them with grandparents) and I will drive back but I am not in any way offended that they can't invite our children. If I wasn't happy to leave them, or if it was really far away, I would send DH alone or neither of us go, and would expect the couple to be equally 'non-offended'.

I couldn't invite children to our wedding as it was a small one and we literally couldn't have fitted them in (unless we had not invited the elderly relatives!). We had our DC1 (aged 1 at the time) there and family children, but couldn't invite other children. Lots of posters seem to equate children not being invited with the wedding being stuffy and formal. Our wedding was v laid back (and not very well planned actually!), but to invite the close friends we wanted we didn't have room for extra children. Nothing to do with me wanting a child-free environment. My BF was breastfeeding her baby at the time so of course I said that she should bring baby along. She said afterwards that the baby had cried during our vows (she took her outside). I didn't even notice the crying.

paolosgirl · 27/02/2009 20:34

I guess your experiences of your family and friends children will sway you one way or another. Certainly before children I was the one tutting if I was seated next to a family with young children in a restaurant, I'm ashamed to admit. Post brats I'm a lot more relaxed about kids and their normal behaviour - although I still don't like bad behaviour, be it from a child or a drunk adult at weddings.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 27/02/2009 20:35

erm BoffinMum plenty of people use MN

You don't have to have children to post here

Why the face?

Thunderduck · 27/02/2009 20:35

I should really put that information in my profile.

There are a few MN without children.

I don't feel the need to justify my presence to anyone but I'll share anyway.

I'm here because there are a number of debate forums here, there are entertainment forums etc which are of interest.

I used to work with children, and studied childcare so if I can help out a little with a query about nurseries for example or other things then I will.

I have fertility issues so there are forums I can get advice on that from. Also general health is of use.

I'm planning on trying for children in the next year and it makes sense for me to read up on raising children and enable dp and I to make some decisions on important issues first.

I don't want to go into this blindly and as we may adopt there is an adoption forum which may prove to be useful.

Also we often look after friend's children and I've found this place to be very useful when we looked after a friend's ds for a week, and we'll be looking after another friend's dd while she goes away soon.

Thunderduck · 27/02/2009 20:39

That type of wedding with children wouldn't bother me Tum, it's just larger weddings that I dislike.

And don't worry about offending me lol, I wouldn't say my family's weddings were chavvy, not that you're saying so either, just rather rowdy, big and not my thing.

I'm from an Irish Scots family so there are a lot of people there, everyone you've breathed on in the past year seems to go, and there are literally dozens of kids.

Thunderduck · 27/02/2009 20:39

Irish Scots Catholic family sorry.

BoffinMum · 27/02/2009 20:40

OK then
I just thought it was 'By parents For parents".

Thunderduck · 27/02/2009 20:40

Now you're discriminating now.

Thunderduck · 27/02/2009 20:41

I'm a prospective parent, I'd have been a parent already I think if it wasn't for my fertility issues.

tumtumtetum · 27/02/2009 20:43

At your wedding though, you can have what you like.

But if you come from that background (lots of experience of Irish weddings here too) won't a lot of people be upset if you don't go the whole hog?

Sorry I'm being nosy now and off topic but if that's what you're planning then not inviting kids will be the least of your worries...

Maybe you could do a small ceremony and reception (classy like) then have a big piss-up another time to celebrate with everyone and just hide?

paolosgirl · 27/02/2009 20:43

Irish Scots Catholic - wow, I bet your weddings are an event and a half!

BoffinMum · 27/02/2009 20:43

I am just going by the MN slogan really.

Thunderduck · 27/02/2009 20:44

Weddings,for adults, by adults.

I'm just teasing btw.

It's a slogan not a law.

ScottishMummy · 27/02/2009 20:45

i received a no children wedding invite.that is their prerogative.i declined,my prerogative