to be thrilled that my friend has very politely requested that folk don't bring kids to his wedding.

[WouldYouCouldYouWithAGoat]

i love dd but quite excited at possiblity of a weekend sans children.

ladyglencora - that's what I was saying earlier - that the people getting married have to understand that if it's no children that will inevitably mean that some people can't come.

As long as they understand that and are happy when you say you can't go that's fine really. If they then get snippy about why you can't for eg leave a tiny BF baby for a day then that's different.

Yes ladyglencora I do agree now as I don't have the same amount of babysitters now
If a member of dhs family gets married now, I have't to rely on friends and as you say I would not expect them to stay over so like cinderella home for midnight

But I do respect other peoples decision not to have children at weddings

True Tumtum, but I would hate to miss a really good friend's wedding because children were banned.
Anyway the last wedding I went to my children my children had a fantastic time. They were extremely well-behaved through the ceremony and speeches and we had to drag them off the dancefloor when we left at midnight.

We got married before we started our family but most of my friends had children and we invited all of them - about 20 or so age 0 to about 6 - it was brilliant.

Each to their own, I suppose people get worried about a noise during the ceremony, I think it's nice to have the kiddies all around.

One couple did get someone to babysit for the day as I guess they wanted a break - so worked out for everyone really

tumtumtetum I agree completely - we got married before having children but still invited the children of our friends. One little girl was dancing in the aisle during the ceremony - it was charming. Frankly, I feel just as offended when a friend gets marriedand invites us, but not our children as I would if they invited me but not DH!
Okay - let me have it. takes cover

I just don't get the no kids thing at all and never will - and I suppose the people who don't want them there feel the same.

Diametrically opposed viewpoints so each side will never really get the other I suppose.

I also feel when my DD is excluded - or we are because we have her - but no point getting worked up over it

Exciting providing you can find somewhere for your DC to go. We have this problem next summer and we have started to plan already. With 3 of different ages it's not easy.

we had children at ours, but we hired a professional creche and a magician to keep them happy....the parents hardly saw their children all day and night!

very offended that weddings without children are stuffy and boring

mine certainly wasnt

all my friends and relatives enjoyed being woman and man and not mummy and daddy for the day

other factor to take into consideration is that nearly all of our friends had children, and some 3+

if we had invited all children then our budget would have gone through the roof, and wasnt enough room for another maybe 40 small people

Recently DH's best friend from school got married. They banned kids from the church 'in case they were noisy' but not the reception afterwards. The church was in the middle of nowhere. WTF were we supposed to do with the kids during the ceremony? Also weddings are public occasions and supposed to be open to anyone anyway. And my kids were 10 and 7 and probably more used to sitting nicely in church than most of the guests would have been, FGS.

I did not go, but stayed home with the DCs. DH went, got very drunk, was extremely ill the next day and IT SERVED HIM RIGHT! I was sanctimonious and went around tutting and muttering like a crabbit old woman, about people losing sight of God and the community in church weddings these days, and wanting it all to be like a bridal magazine, and then being surprised they got divorced before even paying it all off, that sort of thing. But I missed a great do, apparently.

I love kids but also love child free weddings, and they don't have to be stuffy. They can be very enjoyable.

I recently went to a wedding where there were lots of children. In the evening the dancefloor was practially empty and the atmostphere very flat because all the parents went home after the meal and there weren't many people left. Not very nice for the bride and groom, and they had made an effort with little packs of goodies for the children.

It is totally up to bride & groom, and I have been to a very relaxing no kids wedding but I really hope we get to go to some kid-friendly weddings. Weddings, like Easter, Christmas, christenings are important cornerstones of family life that children should see and be a part of. I would welcome the opportunity for my ds's to see what happens at a wedding and explain why the couple are doing that, its significance etc.

I have only been to one wedding where children were invited and DS was fine. In general the weddings we go to limit children to the bridesmaids and pageboys and that seems to make sense to me. I really have no desire to have my kids at weddings with me. However, there tends to be an unwritten acceptance that unweaned babies are welcome but older siblings definately aren't! Mind you, I don't really know anyone IRL who has BF over about 3 months so there's rarely an issue leaving even small babies with grandparents or other family members. I would never ever assume that my kids were invited to a wedding and even if they are I'm quick to ship them out.

My priest would probably be very offended if the happy couple wanted to ban children from the ceremony!! He's very much of the opinion the church is a place for all God's children - whatever their age -and I agree with him

Sorry but I wouldn't go to a wedding where my children weren't invited but I might by choice get a babysitter so I could get drunk without them! But then that would be my decision - it would upset me to have them not invited in the first place!!

YANBU.
I love that kind of invitation too

OP- YANBU! I personally think that weddings and kids just don't mix - Its not just the stress of having to keep my kids quiet, but having to put up with the noise of everyone else's brats little darlings whilst I'm trying to listen to the speeches etc.

It always makes me laugh that on these forums, every mother practially guarantees that their children are perfectly behaved at weddings and they take them out at the slightest sound etc - I've yet to see that in reality! they're usually full of bored children running round whilst the parents ignore them and I'm sat there getting more and more irritated. I always try to leave mine at home wherever possible - as they never behave entirely appropriately either - But then why would they - It is essentially, an adult affair and let's be honest, there's nothing there for the kiddies is there? I agree - where possible, just leave the kiddies at home - after all, not everyone appreciates the 'funny' inappropriate overly loud comments of these little darlings!

It is a shame when you have to miss people getting married though because you are BF.

I know someone has said there is an unwritten rule about it but that certainly isn't the case in this neck of the woods.

Re the dancefloor the children usually make top work of being the first out and getting everyone else dancing - they have no qualms about showing themselves up and don't have to get drunk before chucking some shapes

Anyway like I said before if people don't want kids there that's up to them, as long as they understand that it will mean some people can't go.

I presume all of you who are supporting the "no kids" rule all have family who are able to step in and look after your DC's for the weekend?

Lucky you. Not everyone is that fortunate. For those of us who aren't able to leave 3 kids with someone, we are faced with no choice other than to politely decline the invitation. I'm delighted for you all - but perhaps in return you could remember that you are very lucky.

paolosgirl you're not the only one - people are really when you say you can't go but what do they expect? Sometimes it just can't be done.

That's what gets on my nerves. Fine to make it no kids, but then why get all tetchy when people then have to decline. Makes no sense.

I don't think there's anything wrong with child free weddings and I also believe that there's nothing wrong with politely declining because you can't make it or object to the child free rule.

The happy couple should be aware that some people won't be able to attend because of the rule and accept that. Just as the potential guests should simply decline if they can't/won't go and not make an issue of it.

Well I think you anti-children-at-weddings people are a bunch of miserable buggers who have mistaken marriage for a big glamorous PR event, and forgotten its role as an important social institution.

Are you going to ban the elderly next in case they fail to look elegant enough for the photos or talk loudly during the service???

we've been invited to a wedding in July, very small thing only 28 people going - no children invited, I will still be bf'ing my then 6 month old...what on earth am i supposed to do? tempted to send husband by himself... it's horribly difficult and complicated...

We have never made an issue of it.

I think the problem is that DH's friends haven't got kids yet and so don't understand about BF newborns, not really being able to leave them when they're small, them not taking bottles blah blah. When we have declined they have acted surprised (and a bit pissed off if I'm honest) - I think that it honestly doesn't occur to them that no kids means the parents can't come either.