to be thrilled that my friend has very politely requested that folk don't bring kids to his wedding.

[WouldYouCouldYouWithAGoat]

i love dd but quite excited at possiblity of a weekend sans children.

It's absoulutely their day, and if they want no kids, fine. However, as Tum says, they can't then get all tetchy when you decline. It's just a bit galling to hear others gleefully agreeing with the no kids rule and talking about how a child free wedding means a better time for the adults, when they are the ones who've never been in the situation of having to turn down (another) invitation to a child free event because they are lcuky enough to have family who can babysit.

If you've never been in that situation it's hard to empathise or sympathise I guess.

I'm not accusing you of making an issue out of it Tum, but I know some people do, including a friend of a friend.

I do agree that the B&G have no right to get tetchy about it if people decline.

babblington the only thing you can do, as thunderduck says, is politely decline and not make it an issue. The bride and groom have made their preference clear and like everyone says it's their wedding.

Personally I second boffinmum though, she has it spot on.

thunderduck it's OK I didn't think you were

LMAO. ...gives Boffin some valium.

I don't think people who want child free weddings are miserable buggers, they simply want a certain style of wedding as is their right, or don't have the space/money to invite children.

It's their right and so long as they don't complain if people aren't able to go because of the rule then it's perfectly fine imho.

tumtumtetum - dh is best man...

I think it is a bit miserable - children are the life and soul IMO they were fab at mine, running around looking cute in their best gear and bringing loads of life to the day, making everyone smile and coo etc etc.

Having said that I've never actually managed to get to a child free wedding for the reasons already mentioned! We have one coming up though - but it's one of the ones I mentioned earlier where there will be approved children there - just our DD and one other baby who are persona non grata.

Yes but Thunderduck, nobody has the right to ban people from CHURCH! (Apart from the Queen or Pope, I imagine). What gives B and G the right to dictate church policy suddenly??

On the invitation we received it said something like "As we are all aware, children can be noisy, so we are just inviting them to the reception". Well at 7 and 10 as baptised members of the C of E, they are no more noisy than the adults. It just showed utter ignorance.

If they want to ban kids from the reception, on grounds of cost or whatever, that's their business. But as so many people are saying, they then shouldn't then be surprised or miffed if loads of parents just don't go.

Britain is such a child-hating country at times.

They've asked your DH to be best man but have said you can't bring your DD?

Isn't childless ignorance a wonderful thing! Exactly what do they expect you to do with her?

They were the life and soul of the party for you, and you enjoyed them, doesn't mean that everyone has to feel the same way.

I've had a number of rather less positive experiences with children at weddings, not that it proves anything, but one can have a lovely day without children.

I'd rather have children at the church, which you can't really ban them from anyway, than at the reception.

Oh dear OK.

Still if they've said no kids, no kids it is, and so you can't really go.

Do they know you are BF? Sounds like your DH needs to call and say really sorry but DW can't come as she is BF so they don't think you are just throwing a wobbly cause your PFB can't go.

I am sure the Taliban would say it is possible to have a lovely day without women as well.

Listen to yourselves!!

Yes you can have a lovely day staying at home and missing it because you have children!

Like I keep saying, that's absolutely fine, and dandy, just wouldn't be my choice, and people have to understand that sometimes if the kids can't come neither can the parents.

i know what you mean but baby is dc3! happy to offload DD1 and 2, but no idea what to do about DS, perhaps a rota of nannies to hold him outside the venue and ring me when he needs feeding?!

I agree I keep saying that people can't complain if guests decline the invitation too.

Boffin, often children are not of an age where they know how to behave appropriately at a wedding, or often the parents ignore them when they are misbehaving, it isn't at all like,not inviting women imho.
And comparing people not inviting children with the Taliban who repressed and abused women is just silly.

Haven't we all had less than positive experiences becuase of children - but short of locking them in a nursery until they are 18 there's not a lot we can do about them!! I think we've become so insular and so nuclear in our approach to family life that normal noise and hubbub becomes a huge deal. It's only by being part of adult society that children learn their behaviour.

I've seen adults at wedding behaving far worse than many children would.

paolosgirl....exactly... but they are old friends of dh who have finally got together in their 40's, lots of unsuccessful ivf, and so no babies at wedding. is complicated!

I must admit that I assume that when people say no children at weddings I assume it's simply because they don't like them. It's usually people who haven't got children of their own who come up with the idea.

Which of course is up to them as well.

I am going to wait until all DH's friends have small babies and then say DH and I are renewing our vows, and invite them all on an all expenses paid 6 week cruise around the carribean, adults only

Yes but they can learn how to behave in restaurants. in church or other place of worship if you are so inclined. Not every wedding has to be seen as an opportunity for them to test out their manners/tolerance.

In my defence I am in bag lady mode.

Oh sorry babblington that was a rather insensitive x-post.

I was thinking of DH's mates and how they will undoubedly change their tune when they have kids of their own...

Exactly Thunderduck. Can you imagine if restuarants or churches had a no children policy in case there happened to be badly behaved children in attendance?!

But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.
Matthew 19:14

YANBU

Really, how many children really enjoy sitting through a 3 course dinner and speeches?

Go and have a ball.