Was this a reasonable punishment?

[mouseling]

DS1 aged 5 told a girl in his class that she would die before him. She cried. As punishment DS1 missed his lunchtime play and spent all afternoon in the headteachers office. Do you think this was reasonable punishment?

Thanks Gorionine will keep you posted.

How was school today?

Any news?

Thanks ChippingIn and Gorionine for asking!

Well, I had the meeting with the SENCO who was great - listened to what I was saying, understood my concerns and wants us to work together to address the issues. He also agreed with me (and you!) that the discipline given out for DS1s comment about dying was inappropriate.

I think there are 'issues' on both sides to address, some with DS1 and some with the school who I feel up till now have not handled things well. I don't think I will ever understand or forget the Heads reaction when I asked for her help last week to address my concerns. From now on I will just deal with the SENCO.

The conclusion I am moving towards at the moment is that DS1 is academically a bright little boy and is not finding enough interest or stimulation at school. However his social and emotional development is behind for his age. These 2 factors make for an underlying problem at school.

When he is at home with us we don't have any significant problems. When he is at school with an experienced teacher he is able to cope. When he is with a less experienced/confident teacher he is not able to cope.

I'm not sure where we go from here. Expect to see me posting again as we try to find the way forward!

Oh good mouseling! at last you have found someone actually listening to you and you have now some sort of explanation of what the problem is. I am confident that things will get better now that SENCO is involved and understanding where you come from.

Ditto Gorionine!!

There have been a few threads where the parents have a child like your DS (bright, yet a bit slower socially/emotionally than their peers), sometimes the balance is the other way, but when it's like that the children just get a little more help with the academic stuff - I wish it was more routine your way around too then it wouldn't be such an issue.

Keep us posted

Thank you Gorionine and Chip for keeping in touch. The regular teacher is back on Monday so hopefully we can begin to address the problems and move forward.

Even better!!

Oh great!

Really pleased to hear things are moving forward mouseling, it's a very frustrating time when you feel it's you versus his teacher but hopefully with his regular teacher coming back you can all move in the same direction. I agree with chipping that surely this must happen fairly frequently, I certainly don't believe your son is the first little boy to need some encouragement socially and he definitely won't be the last. Sounds as though Senco are a bit more understanding and this situation should have been dealt with much less severely in what should have simply been a teacher explainung to your DS that it's not nice to say somebody's going to die and as he has upset the little girl could he please say sory. End of story! They have over-reacted bigtime in my opinion!

Mouseling!

I have at last worked out how to search for people and I can't believe I have missed your entire thread! I have just read the entire thing and it makes me so sad - I could have written it about my ds3! My ds regularly tells me I am going to die before dh (I am older by just under a year!)

I am so pleased to read that things are finally moving forward for you and your ds now that the SENCo is on board. I have to say that my ds is now going for 'movement' sessions with our SENCo to help with his fidgetyness! His social and emotional development is also way behind that of his academic development.

I have also discovered that ds3 teacher is pg, and was in her first trimester when his worst behaviour was happening, so I am convinced that she wasn't dealing with situations with quite the same skill that she had previously, what with being exhausted/ill. I am glad to say things have settled well and ds is much calmer and happier now. I have made a point of talking to his teacher daily for updates and general chit chat, in the hope that if she likes me, she'll make more of an effort with ds!

I hope that now your ds' regular teacher has returned things at school will be easier and happier for him.

How's it all going now?

Good to catch up again andlipsticktoo! Very glad to hear things are moving in a positive direction for you.

Well.........things are certainly much more settled with us as well with the regular teacher back.

But I do feel quite a lot of damage has been done in terms of DS1s feelings towards school in general. I am doing my best to do some 're-building' with him regarding his self-esteem. But I don't think there is much if anything going on at the school end.

I have my first meeting this week with the class teacher and the SENCO (earliest appointment they could offer me which again is frustrating because it means a whole term has gone by now).

I don't really know what to ask for at the meeting - at home we have a bright little boy with a very inquisitive mind who loves learning. But I don't know whether the school will be motivated to do what it takes to bring that out in him at school.

Hi mouseling, oh it's dreadful the damage an inexperienced teacher can do, she clearly has no understanding of boys. I do have to admit though, before I had boys of my own I misunderstood some boys' behaviour as naughty, and looking back it wasn't at all.

It seems to me that you are doing all the right things to support your ds though, and with his regular teacher back and a meeting with the SENCo things are moving in a more positive direction. I think if you explain to them both that you have a happy and bright little boy at home, and that you are worried about his motivation at school, they should be understanding. It is just a shame you do not seem to have a very supportive HT, maybe he/she was feeling defensive when you spoke to them last?

It has really helped me to have daily chats with my ds' teacher, and it is interesting that whenever my ds has a supply teacher (she is retired and v v experienced) she has nothing but good thingsto say about him.

I have discovered many people with ds who have also been through a really difficult time at school at about the same age, and I think it has a lot to do with boys' social emotional and behavioural development being slower than some girls', but also inexperienced teaching. Which is why the boys are better at home.

Good luck with it all, I will try to catch up with you soon.
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