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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that day care centres or 'nurseries' should be banned?

588 replies

Goodomen · 25/02/2009 22:24

Having spent some time working (doing supply) in several different nurseries I have been appalled by the treatment of the babies and and young children.

The babies spend most of the day crying, desperately wanting to be held or have some kind of one to one attention.

They are all forced to 'nap' at the same time whether they are tired or not.

They are put in highchairs and fed one by one with the poor children at the end of the row crying until it is their turn to be fed.

The worst part is when the parent arrives to collect their child and asks how they have been they are told 'He/She has been fine, had a lovely time' even if the child has been crying all day!

Why oh why would anyone out there child in such a place?
If you have to work get a childminder!

OP posts:
Quattrocento · 26/02/2009 20:50

I personally avoided childminders because there is no-one supervising what a childminder is doing during the day.

We used a nursery for DC1 then when DC2 arrived we had a nanny. I was happier with the nursery than the nanny tbh but both were fine really.

Londone asked a question lower down the thread, which was

"Also if people are paying up to 1400 pounds a month for nursery places, more if you have more than one child then I am assuming you are going into fairly high paying jobs. If this is the case then why not have your partner stay at home ( single parents situation obviously different)."

Because staying at home for five years would mean kissing our respective careers goodbye. Although it was hard in the early years, we made the right decision for us.

Squiffy · 26/02/2009 21:19

The subject matter of this thread is just sooo yada yada yada that I wasn't going to bother posting but I just have to say I have had a really shitty day and the only thing all day that has made me laugh has been reading Londonone's hilarious posts.

If ever I decide to troll on these boards, that's how I'll do it. Quality pontificating!

Dillydaydreamer · 26/02/2009 21:26

Goodomen I was going to flame you and say what do you expect parents to do. Unfortunately there are some childminders who are much worse- one I knew used to make the just 1yo in her care walk 1 mile up hill and 1 mile back down 4 times per week as she was an early walker, while her own 2yo rode in the double buggy with another baby I later minded the child in question. She started on the 98th centile and dropped to the 25th as a consequence
Good childminders are excellent, bad ones are terrible, same as nurseries.

Twinklemegan · 26/02/2009 21:27

Tigerdriver - I wouldn't have been so vehement normally, it was a reaction to the tone of the OP. If my baby/toddler was with a childminder I would worry about all the things she lists, but even more so because there would be nobody there to monitor and pick up on them.

I would find it very hard to put so much trust in one person. I would also fear for the use of TV as a babysitter, the quality of the food and the amount of individual attention. I struggle to do anything such as cooking when I'm just looking after my toddler. I don't know what I'd do with six or eight children. Well no, in fact I do know - which is why I would never use a childminder.

Twinklemegan · 26/02/2009 21:31

I've nowhere near read all the thread, but I have to take issue with the assertion that all nurseries are just businesses. The owners of the nursery my DS attends live "above the shop" so to speak - they are converting the place themselves and they really care. Their own little girl attends the nursery - that speaks volumes as far as I'm concerned.

spicemonster · 26/02/2009 21:32

Well lucky for you londonone. Glad you've got it all worked out. I'm sorry, you're really fucking pissing me off with your judgey pants crap based on nothing more than theory and with your blithe inability to understand what is a real issue for lots of families. Come back when you know what you're talking about.

Pffft

Stayingsunnygirl · 26/02/2009 21:40

Londonone - you say, back on page 15 (I think) that you had no intention to offend or upset anyone. However, the fact remains that you have offended and upset people with your very holier-than-thou attitude and nastiness - it has been made very clear to you that you have upset people - so why have you not apologised??

Goodomen has learned from what people have said on this thread, realised that some of what she said has upset people, and has apologised most sincerely - for which she has my respect. I suggest that you follow her example.

And of course you are entitled to your opinions on parenting - but as several other people have told you, when you are a parent, you are going to look back on all your parenting wisdom from your childless days and realise how naive and rose-tinted you were, and frankly how ridiculous some of those opinions were. You are also going to find yourself listening to childless 'experts' pontificating, and blush with the remembrance that that was you once.

londonone · 26/02/2009 21:54

My view is that nurseries (note I have not mentioned other types of childcare) are not suitable for young BABIES (I have specified young babies several times).

Other posters have chosen to extrapolate all sorts of things from this that is their choice.

londonone · 26/02/2009 21:57

Sunnygirl I haven't been nasty to anyone.

Twinklemegan · 26/02/2009 21:57

The OP said babies and young children, so I take that to include my 2 year old. I agree that full time childcare for such young children is not a good idea - that's any childcare, not just nurseries - but for many people there is no choice so what are they supposed to do?

katiestar · 26/02/2009 22:06

Dillydaydream- Bloody hell one of my DCs started on the 50th centile and dropped below the 2nd.I must have been illtreating her !

BlueBumedFly · 26/02/2009 22:07

Spicemonster - you just made me laugh after what has been a totally shitty day.

I was here last night, for a brief while before the mud started to fly.

Londonone -I have to work, I have one daughter and 2 approaching teen stepdaughters, we live very very carefully but only just withing budget. I work to pay my half of the mortgage, bills etc not for holidays and painted nails.

All 3 DDs have been at nursery at one time or another. When 'we' were not happy with DD2s nursery she was moved to a more loving caring environment. If at that stage it was obvious a CM would have been more appropriate we would have taken action.

We looked closely at DD3 - as she is a very sociable little one and is going to be an 'only child' as she is 10 years younger than the next oldest we felt a good nursery environment with other toddlers she has been around since birth was the way to go.

We are happy as she is a happy, bouncing, singing, dancing 22 month old. She also spends Thursday with my Mum, Friday with me and the weekend with the whole family - I would say she has a pretty damn good mix.

Stayingsunnygirl · 26/02/2009 22:14

Londonone - you HAVE offended and upset people - and for that you owe them an apology. And while you clearly believe that you are just being frank or speaking plainly, what you are saying often comes over as nastiness - and that's not other people being oversensitive, that's you being insensitive - and again, you owe an apology.

goodnightmoon · 26/02/2009 22:17

londonone - i think you are entitled to have views on parenting. I had lots before becoming a parent, and lots more for stages that we are far from reaching yet.

i think the problem is that people feel you are sitting in judgment, without having gone through any of these decisions yourself.

i think you gave an age of 18 months and under being unsuitable for childcare. that's not crazy to think, IMO, and good for you if it all works out.

i'm happy with my own decision (DS starting nursery at 10 months) but know there will always be people who take a different view.

lupo · 26/02/2009 22:17

Hi,
Have posted before about this
I work part time in a nursery, and agree with the op, I would not put my child in one as under three they do need alot of one on one which they just dont get.

I know its not always possible to be sahm but its also very sad that these children are left in these institutions day after day when they should be with their parents.

Needs must I know, I have left behind a good career and now work in a nursery for a pittance.

Btw if some of you think people who work in a nursery are fucktards, then why do you leave your child - the most precious thing in the world - in the care of fucktards.

I left behind a good career to work in a nursery for minium wage with my child by my side - so i can earn money and be with my child. I would not leave him there without me though, he is mine and therefore he is my responsibility

Most of the staff are young, demoralised and not that interested esp in the welfare of some of the babies. There is alot of spin on how great they are but at the end of the day I do believe it is not the right environment for under threes - the only environment right for them is at home or with a loving family member. I think that most people who have worked in a nurery would not put their own baby in one - that's got to say something surely. Flame me if you wish but that's how I feel

londonone · 26/02/2009 22:30

Sunny I do not owe anyone an apology. If people have chosen to take offence at general points I have made then that is their prerogative. I have made no comments about peoples individual choices. I am upset by the idea of people leaving very young babies in nurseries, doesn't mean I think that the people who make that choice somehow owe me an apology.

mistlethrush · 26/02/2009 22:34

I'm really pleased that my son didn't go to a nursery anything like the nurseries the OP describes. Ds went from 6mo until 3 and a bit. When he was little he had a nap whenever he felt like it. He had some wonderful staff who loved cuddling the children. It was rare to hear a single baby crying - they were normally happily playing, sitting on laps etc. When he was older he used to run in without a backwards glance - and when a bit older than that he would sometimes decide that he didn't want to come home he liked it so much .

Some people don't have a choice about going back to work.

Some people use childminders, some nannies, some nurseries. There are good ones, there are bad ones. Its a really difficult choice. But I'm happy that I made the right choice for my son sending him to the nursery that he went to.

Stayingsunnygirl · 26/02/2009 22:36

Londonone - your response a whole lot about you - and it's not complimentary.

Goodomen didn't intend to upset or offend people, and when she found she had, she apologised - this is what a mature and sensitive human being does. As I said earlier, you could benefit from following her example.

Stayingsunnygirl · 26/02/2009 22:37

Londonone - your response says a whole lot about you - and it's not complimentary.

Goodomen didn't intend to upset or offend people, and when she found she had, she apologised - this is what a mature and sensitive human being does. As I said earlier, you could benefit from following her example.

Re-posted to correct typo.

Quattrocento · 26/02/2009 22:47

I'm interested in everyone's insights about childrearing and combining work and childcare. But when someone hasn't actually been through the process themselves, then their perspectives are necessarily limited and lack insight.

londonone · 26/02/2009 22:52

Lol given that MNetters see fit to pontificate on everything from politics to education to health to travel, I find it hilarious that you are all so put out when someone dares to make a comment on parenting who isn't a parent.

Like I said I am sure you all have plenty to say about education, the NHS and a million other things despite the fact that you often have no knowledge or experience of the subject.

hf128219 · 26/02/2009 22:57

I was a SAHM until my dd was one. She is getting more one to one at the institute I send her to (aka day nursery - 10 hours a day)

Whilst Mummy goes to work to be able to pay for the mortgage.

Stayingsunnygirl · 26/02/2009 22:59

We aren't put out that you are offering opinions on parenting - we just don't feel that they carry any great weight, given that your perspectives are, as Quattrocento says, limited and lacking in insight.

StewieGriffinsMom · 26/02/2009 23:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FriarKewcumber · 26/02/2009 23:03

Ummm... actually I have experience of both education and the NHS.

Anyone is 'allowed' an opinion on anything. However that does not mean that those with first hand practical experince of the issue are obliged to defer to those with little or none.

I do pay attention to others opinions (whether lacking in practical substance or not) where they have something original or insightful to say. But not otherwise.