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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that day care centres or 'nurseries' should be banned?

588 replies

Goodomen · 25/02/2009 22:24

Having spent some time working (doing supply) in several different nurseries I have been appalled by the treatment of the babies and and young children.

The babies spend most of the day crying, desperately wanting to be held or have some kind of one to one attention.

They are all forced to 'nap' at the same time whether they are tired or not.

They are put in highchairs and fed one by one with the poor children at the end of the row crying until it is their turn to be fed.

The worst part is when the parent arrives to collect their child and asks how they have been they are told 'He/She has been fine, had a lovely time' even if the child has been crying all day!

Why oh why would anyone out there child in such a place?
If you have to work get a childminder!

OP posts:
edam · 26/02/2009 17:47

Do try to listen and understand. I am a mother. I have a son who is at school. So I know a lot more about motherhood and current practice in primary schools than you.

You may well know a lot more about rocket science, or camping. But you are being a bit daft, coming onto a parenting website and lecturing parents about how they are doing when you don't have any children of your own.

Now, why don't you go off and lecture some rocket scientists on physics, or try to tell some ballet dancers the right way to pirouette?

unpaidworker · 26/02/2009 17:48

London - I'm sorry but I agree with Edam, you won't grasp this until/if you have DC of your own. TBH can't understand why you would be on here anyway?

londonone · 26/02/2009 17:48

Why do people assume that everyone must consider all parenting choices valid. As I said before why can't people just accept that people disagree on things. Some people believe in smacking, some don't. Some people believe in private education, some don't. Some people believe in putting babies in nursery, I don't. Why do people insist on taking that so personally.

purepurple · 26/02/2009 17:49

boffinmum, do I get brownie points? I am over 40 work in a nursery and I am doing a foundation degree while working full time, my deputy manager has worked at the nursery for 30 years, also has a full degree and is doing EYPS and our manager has worked at the nursery for 20 years BUT i have seen bad practice and it does go on and I am very glad I didn't have to put my children in a nurery. I was a SAHM until youngest went to school, just did playgroups

londonone · 26/02/2009 17:53

boffin - indeed but you would still have an opinion on whether it was a good hotel or notwouldn't you.

And edam I very much doubt you know more about primary schools than me. You may however have opinions on primary schools and you are free to hold them.

unpaidworker - Read the thread I have explained once already.

BoffinMum · 26/02/2009 17:53

Can I also add to my earlier post about the poor little boy crying his eyes out for him mum, that I saw some middle class parenting that shocked me.

  • Children left to put their own suncream on and run around the garden at home on a hot day, while mother was inside shagging new boyfriend (allegedly). Kids had burns the size of their hands on their bodies, as well as blisters - mother hadn't noticed and sent the kids in on swimming day with all their kit. We phoned her when we realised they had serious burns and demanded she take them to the doctor. Had to really argue with her to do this.

  • Kids fed total crap whilst parents had three course dinners after kids put to bed.

  • Kids whose hair had never been brushed, with uncut nails and smelly clothes.

  • Three year old forced to learn three instruments despite him crying his eyes out over this.

Makes me angry even now, thinking about it.

londonone · 26/02/2009 17:54

Also edam I haven't told anyone what to do, I have simply given my opinion.

BoffinMum · 26/02/2009 17:57

Londonone, I would have a view about whether I liked staying there myself, and whether it was clean and so on, but I would presume there were a lot of complicated dependencies I knew little about influencing how it was run, so a lot of it would be in the eye of the beholder.

Janos · 26/02/2009 17:57

"Why do people insist on taking that so personally. "

And the award for most disingenuous comment ever on MN goes to londonone.

Personally, I think all parents should put their children in nursery from birth. Of course it should be free. Whisk them away asap so mum doesn't get too attached. Don't forget to cut the cord though!!

Alcohol drinking and other irresponsible behaviour should be mandatory. Any parent not putting their child into a nursery should be put into the stocks, then have the child forcibly adopted.

It's the only way to go, mark my words.

unpaidworker · 26/02/2009 17:58

London - Can you direct me to your explaination? Or do you mean the message about you having lived in a family but don't hvae DC?

BoffinMum · 26/02/2009 17:58

Purepurple, you certainly do sound ace.

daftpunk · 26/02/2009 18:00

unpaidworker...maybe londonone is ttc and on here just looking for different views on parenting?.

londonone...i knew from an early age that when i got married and had children i would be a sahm...the thought of handing my baby over to another person to look after would have been too much for me...i was never ambitious and didn't think i was "missing out" on anything by not having a career.

i have been fortunate...my dh earns enough for me to be a sahm...i've loved it...and i know my dc have benefitted.

unpaidworker · 26/02/2009 18:01

daftpunk - fair enough if that is the case but london still does have an informed opinion on parenting matters.

londonone · 26/02/2009 18:04

unpaid worker - no I don't mean that, it was several pages ago.

janos - If that's what you think then fine, no skin off my nose!

boffin - And if you were to run a hotel you must have a view on how you think you would do it? I presume you think for example that clean hotels are better than dirty ones. There are many different hotels, some dirty, some clean, I prefer the clean ones myself and yes I think people running dirty hotels aren't doing such a good job.

MrsMerryHenry · 26/02/2009 18:12

Boffinmum - ahh, I see.

and -

oh, good!

Janos · 26/02/2009 18:19

Well londonone it is a bit daft lecturing parents on their childcare choices when you don't actually have a child yourself. I'm sure you can see how that might get people's backs up?

And it is very disingenuous to expect people not to take your comments personally when it's such a controversial and sensitive topic (on MNET anyway).

londonone · 26/02/2009 18:22

I haven't lectured anyone I have simply stated my opinion. If people are oversensitive that is not my fault. Loads of people on this thread disagree with my opinion doesn't mean I get upset about it!

Janos · 26/02/2009 18:32

Well, ok then. But it's a hot topic on here and people will have very strong opinions as you've no doubt seen.

Peachy · 26/02/2009 18:35

'Personally, I think all parents should put their children in nursery from birth. Of course it should be free. Whisk them away asap so mum doesn't get too attached. Don't forget to cut the cord though!!

Alcohol drinking and other irresponsible behaviour should be mandatory. Any parent not putting their child into a nursery should be put into the stocks, then have the child forcibly adopted.

It's the only way to go, mark my words.
'

StealthPolarBear · 26/02/2009 18:36

Boffinmum, thanks for the list
Just out of interest, what do people think the ratios should be at different ages?

frasersmummy · 26/02/2009 18:41

I left this thread at 10am this morning ..I am shocked coming back on to find this still in active conversations....

London I cant believe you have spent 8 hours arguing on a subject that you know nothing about.

I guess thats a perk of not having kids .. you can just play devils advocate for the hell of it

RachieW · 26/02/2009 18:42

Londone- do you have any empathy? People are not being oversensitive. As I tried to explain earlier today when you become a parent you become your own harshest critic and fret about each decision you make for your child. This is why people we are getting upset, it's not just about having an opinion- your basically saying that those of us who use or will use a nursery are wrong.

londonone · 26/02/2009 18:43

Read the thread frasersmummy - I lrft it and came back!

spokette · 26/02/2009 18:44

Everyone is entitled to their opinion with regard to a debate. What they are not entitled to is to post inflammatory personal insults.

Some people believe in certain forms of childcare, others don't believe in any form of childcare.

I believe that most people live in the real world and live according to their circumstances and when possible, their strongly held beliefs. If you do not believe in childcare but need to work in order to survive, then you have to compromise. Those who have never had children and therefore have not been in a a position where they have to compromise their strongly held beliefs should not dictate to those who have to live according to their economic circumstances.

Peachy · 26/02/2009 18:46

London you an't possibly know,if you plan to have kids,whether you willever use any form of care.

Now- hear me out on this- I am right. becuase as wellaschildcare exactly the same emotions etc apply to residential care.

DS3 has never attended a nursery bar the attached pre-school but when I die he will ahve to go into care, he's autistic.

Exactly the same panics about quality etc go through my head every day and really,it is the same thing.

We know not what life will bring us,excpet that it will bring us surprises.

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