to think that day care centres or 'nurseries' should be banned?

[Goodomen]

Having spent some time working (doing supply) in several different nurseries I have been appalled by the treatment of the babies and and young children.

The babies spend most of the day crying, desperately wanting to be held or have some kind of one to one attention.

They are all forced to 'nap' at the same time whether they are tired or not.

They are put in highchairs and fed one by one with the poor children at the end of the row crying until it is their turn to be fed.

The worst part is when the parent arrives to collect their child and asks how they have been they are told 'He/She has been fine, had a lovely time' even if the child has been crying all day!

Why oh why would anyone out there child in such a place?
If you have to work get a childminder!

Off to lunch now so will check back later.

I think everyone who has posted on here will think that the choice they have made for their child is the best and won't be told any different, which is fair enough.
I also think the statement about people working in childcare are thick and uneducated and don't have a choice is quite a sweeping generalisation. Every occupation has experienced and inexperienced, trained and training staff. In my job most of the people who have excellent degrees and masters etc are actually pretty clueless and have nil common sense and I have a very responsible job, even though it isn't that well paid!
Londonone you cannot start a thread like this without expecting to get an utter verbal flaming, especially since you don't have children. That doesn't mean you are not entitled to an opinion but you know nothing of the situation people are in. I too foolishly had very romantic views of how life would be when I had children, I would either stop working or let my Mum look after the children whilst I returned to work part time. How wrong I was! I actually don't have an option but to return to work and I don't think leaving my DS with my Mum full time is the best option either. I have decided to use nursery for 3 days, my Mum one day and with me for a day. Of course I would love to be able to stay at home with DS but that is not an option. I personally don't think that leaving my DC with grandparents all the time is a good idea or leaving them with a childminder, but that is me and certainly don't think they should be banned.

My dd goes to a lovely nursery twice a week. It is in a big house set right back from the road. It is family owed and they live upstairs and the nursery is downstairs and they also hire lots of staff to look after the children. I have complete trust in this nursery, you have to be buzzed in and seen on camera before you are allowed through the first gate, then you go through a bolted second gate to get your dc.

They have a big garden where they have rabbits in a big hut and they grow lots of fruit and veg too. They all sit around a table for their lunch and eat more as a group rather than sit in highchairs (excluding babies of course.) There are different times of the day you can drop off/collect your child so parents are in and out throughout the day. The children are happy whenever i collect/drop off and the staff are good and friendly and are also under a watchful eye of the owners who are hands on too. I have no reason to doubt my dds nursery and i know my dd, if she was left to cry there allday and was really unhappy, she wouldn't want to go in. Instead she rushes on in when i drop her off barely saying goodbye.

Now i realise not all nurserys are like this, you get good ones and bad. But to make such an assumption is abit sad really isn't it? Experience in one or two nurseries that were bad doesn't mean ALL nurseries are the same. What a silly thread to start. I think if you were concerned, you would have been better off stating your experience in that particular nursery and discussed ways to try and get improvements. Saying ALL nurseries are like this was not the way to go imo.

Someone who has not been raped could probably make a perfectly good rape counsellor.

On the other hand someone who has not been raped should probably tread carefully if they went onto a rape support thread on the internet and started sounding off about how women who have been raped should respond to that experience.

Londonone - you are never ever going to feel it is 'right time' or financial stable enough to have children, trust me, you just have to bite the bullet.

I work because I LOVE my job and get paid incredibly well to do it. I have a CHOICE and do not need to work. I know I am doing the best thing for MY family. I will be able to give DD a much more comfortable life, better opportunities, travel and fun than we could manage on one income. I feel challenged, stimulated and fired up about life and that is very important in my opinion and better than being stuck at home feeling undervalued and grim and being a 'martyr' to your children. What effect do you think that would have on them? I hope my daughter will one day be proud of my career amd realise she can too be financially independent and inspired by her work and not just grow up thinking all women do is stay at home, wipe bottoms and act as everyone's unpaid facilitator.

As for the suggestion that working mothers are not bringing up their children, quite frankly I am lost for words. Would you say the say abotu fathers?

is it true what she said about nurseries :O im 18 having my first baby in april and im going back to college to study to be a teacher in september, the only choice of childcare i have for my baby is the nursery/creche attached to the college, baby will only be 5/6 months old, will he not be safe there im worried now x

Oh sinkingfast, this is why you don't get the attention, you're far too constructive and sensible

I think it's good that there are different options for under 2s as they are all so... well, different. That is one advantage to nursery actually, that they can move rooms when they're ready rather than a 'one size fits all'. My DS got kicked out of the baby room and into the toddler room aged 9 months because he was playing football and kicking the ball too hard at the littl'uns. It meant he was moved to a room with fewer staff, but he got more chance to run around and be boisterous which he needs.

Ratio-wise I think for my DS 1:3 would have been fine when he was in the baby room, but our nursery had 1:2 (he was aged 7months to 9 months). He could feed himself by then, and crawl, so he wasn't sitting around waiting for attention. At 8 months when he was walking, he didn't want all that cuddly-wuddly nonsense, he was ready to plunge into the melee with the bigger kids and he moved to a room with 1:3, but much more going on. The staff at our nursery are all fully qualified NNEBs and some have other child development qualifications as well. I think the Early Years curriculum is overly prescriptive nonsense, but our nursery stick to it like glue. 'A strong child', indeed. Ha! They didn't know how strong until they met DS!

lauren - have you visited the nursery? were you happy with what you saw there?

Don't worry Lauren, read most of the posts on here and they disagree with the OP. Not all nurseries are like this, you should check out the creche you are intending to send your LO to and satisfy yourself that you are happy to leave you baby there.

Research supports what you say susie so long as the conditions as posted in v.brief in my post above are achieved.

By the way, I do think from a emotional well being and secure attachment pov, the issue is not whether the nursery is run in a tower block with strip lighting versus country mansion with polka dot bunting, but whether the child is given a sense of security. It's all about quality and consistency of staff.

I have to admit I wasn't all that keen on nurseries. Don't know why just as a prejudice I held for no reason. But when my youngest was there he blossomed. He loved it. And when he left his carer sobbed to be losing him. That doesn't happen with people who don't care.

Lauren61- it's not true what she said about ALL nurseries. I haven't sent my baby to nursery yet but he does have a place at one. I think you have to look around and do your research. I also got a recommendation from a friend who had uses the same nursery. Also read all the posts from mum's with babies happy at nursery, they'll make you feel better. You should be able to find the ofsted report for the nursery/creche on the web. Take it with a pinch of salt but it can give you a good idea about the place.

Good luck with your teaching, I'm a teacher too. It's a great job, I love it and we're very lucky to be able to have such good holidays to spend with our children. Although I'm sure Londonone wouldn't agree

Of course they wouldn't susie100. The bile is all reserved for women.

Lauren, I think it is impossible for anyone to make sweeping statements about all nurseries based on experience of one or two, or even five, six or seven. Visit the nursery, see what goes on, talk to the staff, spend time there during a few settling in visits with your DC and then decide.

thank you guys im new on here and just saw that and i was like omg im gonna be terrible!! ive put some pics on my profile if you want to see baby scans/ room etc, not sure how this all works yet, i just wanted to talk to other people in the same boat as me for advice and stuff x

wow - you are very organised Lauren

i got a cot put up about a week before i gave birth (well DH did it)

I'm quite new to posting too but have been on here reading bits for advice before. This is probably the worst thread you could have come across for a first time! From my experience practically all posters on here are very supportive. When are you due?

april 18th, 7 weeks time, i went to first ante natal last night with the BF and weve decided on a home birth which to me sounded terrifying earlier on in the pregnancy but now i just dont think theres any point in being in a strange unfamiliar place if theres no need to be there.. i wdnt have sed that yesterday but last night opened my eyes i guess!! well both of us!

i was so scared of childbirth, i still am in some ways, so i decided id rather stay at home where im comfortable and the BF can be of more use bless him We're getting one of the la bassine water baths? and im going to try pre natal yoga.. god i sound like some homeopathic hippie but i swear down im not! im only 18, i want my body to do what it was made for on its own, without drugs and metal instruments and scissors! (if fate lets me of course)

do i sound a bit crazy =p ?

No, you sound like a text book Mumsnetter.

My ds2 has been in full time nursery since he was 10 weeks old , the nursery is privately run and very small, max 3 babies allowed in the baby room, ds2 was the only baby there at the time so he had one to one attention, he 2.6 and still in full time nursery, Steve Bidduplh reckons boys under 3 should not be cared for by anyone outside of the family, but imo that bullshit

Judge me all you like because i could not give a fooook, you dont know my circumstances and i do what i have to do to survive

My ds2 is happy and healthy (apart from his constant involutary twitch and fear of dark cupboards )

do you find they socialise better with other kids because of being in nursery from a young age vinnytits..?

How exciting, not long to go now. You'll pobably get a million opinions about labour too. It's totally up to you how you want to approach it and you don't sound crazy. I had an epidural which I thought was great even though it slowed things down and looking back now giving birth really doesn't seem that bad. Nothing can really prepare you for it, I thought I was all clued up and then as soon as it started I rushed to hospital and was only 1cm. This was despite me saying to everyone "I'll stay at home as long as possible when it starts" haha. I was scared too but when it happens you just kind of get into this coping zone and it just happens. When I ask my dh about it now it seems like it was more traumatic for him than me!

Well said Vinnytits.

Did you use to be Vingertits?

I have no idea lauren1

I think each child is individual regardless of their childcare, i am sure some sah dc are just as socialable as those cared for out of the home, and vice versa

I only know my ds is happy, and thats all that matters to me

pingpong yep tis me

Thanks RachieW obviously its gonna hurt but it got in there it can get out!!

and it must be worth it or we wouldnt all be doing it!! thanks for making me welcome guys x