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Original poster

grotty child thread!

80 replies

drlove8 · 25/02/2009 17:34

we,ve had a grotty man thread, a grotty MNetters thread- now this is the grotty child thread! ....... join in ladies!.... last week i was co-bathing my 3yr old twins, and all of a sudden ds4 shouted" mum mum, there you are " and handed me an object.... dd4 had shit in the bath and son had fished it out and handed me it!..... dh was in hysterics, as it had been floating in amongst the toys for a few minutes andi hadnt noticed!

OP posts:
Wizzska · 25/02/2009 17:46

Ooh good idea for a thread drlove8. [sits back to wait for barrage of disgusting posts]. DS too young for me to join in, sorry.

snuffyp · 25/02/2009 17:47

HAHAHAHAHA! sorry thats kinda gross but funny too

snuffyp · 25/02/2009 17:49

Anyway who am i to judge??? mother informed me as i baby i put my hand into my dirty nappy and rubbed it over my face!!!!! :O thats grotty!!! least he got it out of the bath

Stretch · 25/02/2009 17:50

DD2 licks everything, last week she licked my friends car bonnet She has licked;

the table
the hearth
the wall
her baby brothers head (a lot)
her doll
my phone
DS highchair tray
the buggy handles
my hands
random items of clothes

kickassangel · 25/02/2009 17:54

dd once did an explosive chicken korma poo. every time i wiped one bit clean, she got her hands on it & wiped it somewhere else, up the wall, on me, herself etc. i had it all down my front & was wearing a shirt that i had to pull off over my head. ewww!

claireybeemine · 25/02/2009 17:55

I was cooking dinner and had left dd and ds playing together in the sitting room. I thought they were playing really nicely together and then heard splashing so called dd to ask what they were doing. She then informed me that ds was playing with her poo in her potty He had put his dummy in it, the bricks, it was all over him(including his face),the carpet, the chair...

Wizz surely your ds has managed something disgusting by now...please think of something or I'll feel bad!

staryeyed · 25/02/2009 18:00

when DS was but a baby he did the longest poo I have ever seen. Seriously it was like a snake. He just didn't stop me and Dp were pissing ourselves laughing but maybe that makes us grotty. I dont know...

screamingabdab · 25/02/2009 18:00

Do they HAVE to be about poo.. i've got a couple of good willy-related ones...

luckylady74 · 25/02/2009 18:01

When ds1 was nearly 2 we fed him a large bag of cheeto crisps on a long haul flight to keep him quiet.
He started to poo in gatwick car park.
I changed 1 nappy, then another,then another, then I had none left, I had also run out of wipes by this point.
Evventually he was standing on a picnic rug in the car park with no pants on just pooing and pooing.
My hands were covered in poo and I was crying with laughter.
We had to clean up in a disgusting garage toilet.

Flower3545 · 25/02/2009 18:05

we were caring for a 2 year old years ago and while trying to potty train her I left her nappy off for the morning in the hopes of catching her as she began to poo, some hopes huh.

She pooed a pebble sized one then quick as a flash picked it up and popped it in her mouth

Apologies if you've just had tea

idontbelieveit · 25/02/2009 18:07

dd drank the contents of her pot a few weeks before christmas.
i saw her about to do it and shouted "No!" but she gave me a "look" and drank it anyway!

Luckily i had washed it out so it was just a few drops of water and maybe some detergent rather than her own piss.

naturalblonde · 25/02/2009 18:42

on the poo theme...

my dd just went to the toilet, then came into bedroom to tell me she'd done a poo on the floor, but she'd used toilet roll, picked it up and put it in the bin.

Not sure if she's really grotty for pooing on the floor, or really good for picking it up in toilet roll and putting it in the bin.

supergluebum · 25/02/2009 18:55

When DS was 3 months old we travelled across France by car, I had just given up BF and he was on his first few days of full time formula. The first poo was emmense. We were driving down a french motorway in the pouring rain and it just kept going and going. Eventually it was just leaking everywhere out of the legs of his vest and everything. I scrambled about in the back trying to rescue the situation, the smell was vile! In the end the only way to limit the damage and save the carseat was to stick Always Ultra pads all over the seat around his bottom.

Needless to say when we did get to stop we had a nightmare on our hands, DH just held him over a bin while I stripped off every item of clothing, nappy the lots and systematically chucked it in the bin. The french truckers were barfing in their coffee nearby

ComeWhineWithMe · 25/02/2009 19:00

Ok ds had a bogey collection under his pillow lifted the pillow and it sort of stuck them made a pulling velcro noise in a week he had wiped loads of bogeys under his pillow on to a lovely crisp white sheet [quietly boaks].

dancingonmice · 25/02/2009 19:47

My sister used to do a special 2 fingered bogey picking action, covered both nostrils at the same time and then straight in the mouth.

Stayingsunnygirl · 25/02/2009 20:00

Ds2 used to keep his bogey collection on the wall above his bunkbed.

Ds1, aged about 18months old, was sitting in a highchair in a restaurant - unfortunately we didn't realise he was furkling round inside his nappy, until he produced a finger-ful of poo!! Thankfully we'd finished eating, so dh swept him out of the restaurant to the nearby mothercare to clean him up and change him, whilst I paid.

I don't think anyone noticed!

ToiletRollCover · 25/02/2009 20:01

When Ds1 was a baby and had just got his first tooth he was sat in the conservatory playing quietly when I heard a scratching noise. He'd found a snail under his empty paddling pool and was trying to suck the snail out whilst grinding his toth on the shell. Yuck!

ToiletRollCover · 25/02/2009 20:30

Killed it I did. Killed the thread dead.

merryandmad · 25/02/2009 20:39

When dd1 was very small, dp had to pop into his office whilst we were out for the weekend. She was quite niggly so i took her out into the conference room to feed and change her.
i had just taken her nappy off to check, when she did a projectile bf yellow poo all up the wall and onto a projector screen.
We managed to wip the projector clean with baby wipes, but there was still a visible poo splatter up the wall. We still have not admitted to it.

readyfornumber2and3 · 25/02/2009 20:46

Why are toddlers obsessed with poo lol

DS (2.7) has twice managed to empty the contents of his pooed nappy all over his bedroom wall without removing it
and will happily sit and play with his potty contents if not emptied the minute its done!

geordieminx · 25/02/2009 20:52

Ds 21 months was playing in the garden yesterday, he was very quiet... went out to discover he was scooping the rain water out of the paddling pool...leaves, moss all sorts in there.

"Ah he must be thirsty", got him some juice, he emptied it into the pool and carried on drinking.

We have an ashtray outside, he was trying to drink the scummy nicotine water out of that too... he really is vile.

CousCousWuss · 25/02/2009 21:08

I thought this was going to be about those kids you always see wandering around covered in snot and grubby hands. I had the perfect kid in mind too.

Ceebee74 · 25/02/2009 21:16

I could go on for ages but the best ones are:

  1. DS1 regularly drinks the bathwater, despite the fact he wees in it

  2. he is one of these children with a permanently snotty nose and when he sneezes huge (and I mean HUGE) snot trails fly out - he used to be really good and come and wipe it straight away with the muslin we always have handy for such occasions - now he always puts his head forward and lets it drop on the floor/DS2/toys if we don't get there quick enough - am fed up of finding snot all over the floor

this thread has made me laugh though

BalloonSlayer · 25/02/2009 21:27

Went away for a week in a lovely 17th century beamed cottage.

DS suddenly became unable to use the toilet, and kept ruining outings by suddenly needing a poo NOW!! but never would "go".

I eventually thought that if I made him sit on the loo all the time nature would eventually take its course and we would be able to get on with our holiday. But . . . nothing.

On the last day I was having a bath but could smell shit all the time. Got out, cleaned the loo, got back in. Could still smell it. Got out again, had a good look.

Shit wiped all up the 17th century beams in the bathroom. Obviously DS had got a bit bored sat in there all that time, and having got a slightly uncomfortable feeling had decided to alleviate it by scratching and wiping.

So my last night of holiday was spent scrubbing historic woodwork with a toothbrush.

(postscript: Sat him in front of the telly on a po when we got home and - bingo! - a 12" horror in no time!)

BalloonSlayer · 25/02/2009 21:54

oh and "all the time" didn't mean 24/7, just for the rest of the afternoon after having a whole day disrupted by constant screams of: "I need to do a poooooo, now!!!!" followed by a rush back to the holiday home and then a nonchalant "Oh I don't need to go now. What are we doing today?" Repeat x 5.

Didn't want y'all to think I was being totally heartless. DS was nearly 7.