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Original poster

grotty child thread!

80 replies

drlove8 · 25/02/2009 17:34

we,ve had a grotty man thread, a grotty MNetters thread- now this is the grotty child thread! ....... join in ladies!.... last week i was co-bathing my 3yr old twins, and all of a sudden ds4 shouted" mum mum, there you are " and handed me an object.... dd4 had shit in the bath and son had fished it out and handed me it!..... dh was in hysterics, as it had been floating in amongst the toys for a few minutes andi hadnt noticed!

OP posts:
nannynz · 25/02/2009 22:15

One of my baby charges did a poo whilst getting change, think was his legs were up and the poo(you no BF and loose) came shooting out across room and hit the fan to cool the room, it took me weeks to clean up the poo that had being fanned around room:0

BoffinMum · 25/02/2009 22:28

Ah, the Center Parcs incident comes to mind.

We were in a long traffic queue waiting for ages to escape after a weekend, along with hundreds of other people, because they effectively make you all check out at the same time.

DS2 (aged about 5) chose this moment to have a kind of kiddie dysentery attack. It went everywhere. All our spare clothes and so on were in the boot, which we couldn't access becuse the bikes were on top of them.

We managed eventually to pull over, and did a sterling job mopping him up with random items such as windscreen anti-mist wipes, and then I dressed him in my t-shirt fashioned into a fetching sarong. But we were laughing so much it was hard to do.

Necessity is the mother of invention ...

Stayingsunnygirl · 25/02/2009 22:28

I always thought that 'When the shit hits the fan' was just a saying, nannynz!!

On a slightly less poo-related note, all three of my dses have sneezed whilst being fed weetabix - it's like being pebble-dashed, and weetabix sets like concrete if you don't clean it up at once!!

BoffinMum · 25/02/2009 22:30

LOL!

DD's godmother managed to go into work with a phantom weetabix third eyebrow because of something like this. She wondered why everyone was staring at her in the office!

Stayingsunnygirl · 25/02/2009 22:31

Oh - and during a journey by train to visit PIL in Cornwall, ds2 managed to wet himself three times before we even reached London (we lived about 45 minutes from London on the train) - once whilst still at the station, and twice on the train. We did have plenty of clean clothes with us, but of course ds2's were right at the bottom of the bag, and I couldn't unpack it all over the train, so had to try to find his clothes by touch.

Ds1 capped it all off by wetting the bed that he was sharing with ds2 - so we had to find a laundrette that was open on Saturday and could do a service wash.

Stayingsunnygirl · 25/02/2009 22:32

Poor godmother, BoffinMum - I bet that getting it off was like being waxed, only more painful! Owww.

BoffinMum · 25/02/2009 22:49

Better than having a wholewheat monobrow!

Stayingsunnygirl · 25/02/2009 22:55

Very true - and not half as healthy, either.

Twistle · 25/02/2009 23:05

dd1 managed to projectile poo into my underwear drawer when she was about 7 weeks old... had to laugh

ThePregnantHedgeWitch · 25/02/2009 23:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

minouminou · 25/02/2009 23:42

DS picks his nose, and sometimes says "Good girl, snotbox", before stuffing it in his gob, and sometimes decides to wipe it on the nearest living creature.
Yesterday he tried to wipe it on me, (saying "Mama?"), when I said i didn't want it, he waltzed over to the dog - "Cral?" (his version of her name), and wiped it on her face. "Good girl, Cral, good girl, snotbox."

Poledra · 25/02/2009 23:45

DD1 wanted me to phone her grandma for her so she could say thank you for a gift that my mother had sent her. While I'm doing this, DD2 sitting on the carpet at my feet playing. DD1 now talking to grandma, I look down to see what DD2 is up to - she's done a poo which has somehow got out of her nappy, down her trousers and onto the floor, and she's happily rubbing it into the carpet with the TV remote control. The side with all the buttons on it, naturally.

We still get up to turn that telly over. And my dad said he came close to disgracing himself, he was laughing so hard on the other end of the phone

Pawslikepaddington · 25/02/2009 23:53

We have had a weetabix pebble dash moment too!

MadamDeathstare · 25/02/2009 23:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

brightongirldownunder · 26/02/2009 00:35

DD came into bed with me this morning, took of her nappy and tried to sit on my head with her pooey bum. Beat that...

Original poster
drlove8 · 26/02/2009 00:44

OMG -i thought my kids were bad! iv got tears running down my face reading this!...... ive another, dd2 was about six months old and we were visiting relatives. a cousin had her and was holding her up, i told him to be careful as she'd just been fed.- then she projectile vomited across the room and i landed inside my new knee-length leather boots...... whilst i was wearing them.

OP posts:
kitkatqueen · 26/02/2009 00:55

When dd1 was about 6 months she was sitting in playpen - I was talking to her - I answered the phone sat back down in front of her (still talking on the phone) and thought - whats that brown mark on her lip???????? At that point she put her hand back into the back of her nappy and tried to eat some more!!!!!!

Nearly vommed!!!

CaurnieBred · 26/02/2009 00:57

We had a leaking nappy 1 hour into a 10 hour flight from KL to London when DD was 11 months old. I hadn't noticed (too busy looking playing Tetrus on the inflight games). Looked down and there was poo all over DD's seat/seatbelt and DH was nowhere to be found - he had gone to the toilet. I now know how airline seats can be taken apart and how new seat pads and belts are attached - that was the only way to make it bearable again. When the head steward offered me a pair of gloves I could have kissed him (imagine running the seat belt between your fingers to remove the poo . . .)

Phoenix4725 · 26/02/2009 06:54

my bilw hen ds was little waslifting him up bove his head ds vomited straight in to bil mouth .

ridingjoker · 26/02/2009 08:27

ds was forever licking slugs in back garden las ear

dd tries to feed me her bogeys. she's 19 months. she shouts "eat it" while lying on top of me and trying to force it in my mouth.

Original poster
drlove8 · 26/02/2009 13:04

recurring themes here seam to be poo and bogeys! lol

OP posts:
Jacksmama · 26/02/2009 15:59

DS (12 months) half-chews a teething biscuit and then takes a soggy bit out of his mouth and tries to feed it to me! Yum!!

headzookeeper · 26/02/2009 16:27

God I'm crying reading these.
My ds2 does the two fingered nosepick straight into his mouth all of the time. He's the same child that not only bites and eats his fingernails but his toenails too. Although we can never catch him doing that one.
And he is also the only one of the 3 that used to eat the contents of his nappy when he was between 1yo and 2.5yo if you didnt catch him quick enough. Cant count the times he came in wearing "chocolate" lipstick.[bleurgh]
Although now if there is brown sauce spilt or someone has chocolate round their mouth (the proper stuff) he will actually start baulking at it.

chocoholic · 26/02/2009 16:29

Eating poo!!!!!

dilemma01 · 26/02/2009 16:32

When dts were around 19 months, I heard them wake from thier day nap, they were giggling and laughing so I left them for a bit, when I went in.............omg.............they had both pood, removed thier nappies and they were both caked head to toe in poo, thier hair, thier faces, the sheets, the cot where they had been holding on to the sides, ewwwwww