Co-sleeping with new partner

[Mowgli21]

Hi

Am I wrong in thinking that it is okay to share my bed with my 4 and half year old son and my new partner?

My ex seems to think this is inapproriate behaviour. We have a 50:50 Shared Residence order and we are divorced........ Any thoughts?

Gone to new thread........

Clean Slate- Should my ex be letting her boyfriend sleep with my son?

Link?

Mowgli, I think people felt shortchanged because you'd fibbed about where you were coming from. That's all. It's a shame, because I think had you posted as yourself, you'd have had some sympathy and sensible advice, because aside from the odd one or two most people are decent and bright on here.

To play devil's advocate just for a moment though - I am sure it really hurts to think of your son in bed with his Mum when another man is there, especially when you are having access issues. But I expect your poor son just feels like going into Mummy's bed sometimes, and sometimes a man is there. It's no one's fault, in a way (or is she never allowed to have someone staying over?) Suppose you have a girlfriend staying over in future - what if your son comes into your bed?

LadyT - you get up, take child back to their own bed and cuddle them there. We are not talking about a partner who is long term or a child who lives their full tiem. The child is away 50% of the time and the new partner is very new.

Simple boundaries apply here, no-ome has suggested that the mother should not have a boyfriend to stay or that the child should not be allowed in bed, jsut that the two should not happen at the same time.

well i'm a bloke who posted on this thread, and the change of persona from your ex-wife to yourself did change my view.
now because your now a man and i'm a bitter woman. but because of the clear fabrications and bizarre references to yourself in your story "i'm sure he wants me back etc he's a good father" are just odd in the extreme. which makes me think you are either a wind up or just completely untrustworthy so can no longer hold an objective opinion.
based on the original post i'd stick by my original opinion. if such a scenario where to exist then the mother would be a selfish little b*h who was treating her children like property and would almost make you feel for people in fathers4justice (almost, i'm not gonna start climbing bridges dressed as spiderman).
but now all we have is one side of the story which we can no longer trust to be objective about their own merits or short comings as they've lied already.not only about themselves in the most praiseworthy tones "he's a good man and a good father" but attributed negative assumptions to the other side about just being bored etc

How bizarre !

You sounded unhinged as your ex, now that you've 'admitted' that you are the father in the scenario you have made yourself look a million times more bonkers.

Dear me.

I don't think it's a good idea at all..you hardly know this man and it sounds like you're putting your own needs first...sorry to be harsh

Oh am i talking to the father? How can i advise someone who hasn't given her side to the story?

often it is a good tactic to reverse genders because it shows how sexist we all can be.

On the original issue if a child cosleeps with either parent then it can be more cruel to remove it from the bed than to have it cuddling up to the new partner.

I don't think it's wrong to co sleep with a child you aren't related to although Michael Jackson got in a bit of a legal mess for allegedly doing it. My older chilren who are adults often lie against and cuddle their much younger full siblings and that's obviously not sexual in any way shape or form. Children like touching and cuddles and physical affection, all adults do too and if you agree with the principel of co-sleeping which in theory I do although in practice I coudl never get any sleep when a child was in my bed so I never really did it much, then you can't really object.

But it must be very hard in general to think about your loved child bonding with someone else. That's why I think forced court orders/laws which say chidlren must spendt 50% with both parents are best so that 505 of the week both parents have those opportunities and also so that fathers are frced to have to fit children around work just as I as a ful time working mother of 5 whose ex chooses virtually never to see or help with the children nor pay have to juggle.

Lilyjen - we weren't being asked to advise the mother, instead we were being used by the father, who seemed to want ammunition to use against his ex. There's a later thread where he admits that he lied at the start of this thread, claims a 'clean slate' and tells us that he didn't post as himself initially because he assumed we'd automatically side with his ex-wife because we are all women and incapable of being fair - or words to that effect.

It does seem as if most people think that it's not a good idea for a child to co-sleep with a new partner until the relationship is a stable one and the child is comfortable with the new partner. It was pointed out that if the parents share custody 50:50, then either parent has ample time to spend with their new partners and should ask the new partner not to sleep over when the child is staying - whilst the relationship is new and developing.

FWIW, I believe that mowgli21 would have got just as impartial advice if he had been honest from the get-go, and I didn't see a lot of evidence of what could be called 'institutional sexism' here.