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Original poster

My kids have red hair and I don't-why do so many strangers feel it is their right to comment on this?

104 replies

Joe1977 · 19/02/2009 21:26

Neither myself or my husband have red hair, but both our sons do. I have lost count of the number of complete strangers who have approached us to comment on their hair colour and ask 'where do they get it from?'. I normally respond (through gritted teeth) that it is in both our families, but in my mind is always 'why do I feel obliged to explain?'.

Am I being unreasonable in wanting to tell people that the genetic make-up of my children is none of their business? Why do they feel they have the right to comment? I wouldn't approach someone else with child/ren who had other unusual features and ask why their child/ren looked the way they do.

OP posts:
StayFrosty · 19/02/2009 21:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catMandu · 19/02/2009 21:28

I think you are being a little sensitive. My dc's are all blond and neither dh or I am, so like you I get the same comments. It doesn't bother me, I think it's just general chit chat.

lulalullabye · 19/02/2009 21:28

They are just jealous, it's a lovely colour. Both Dh and I have a huge amount of red in our families but alas but dd's blond !!

hester · 19/02/2009 21:28

People are tiresome, aren't they? I'd just come up with a one-liner that is fairly dismissive, makes it clear the subject is closed, and that you can live with. Maybe just, "I have absolutely no idea".

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 19/02/2009 21:29

No idea. Some people just do. I think they are making conversation, or something

My kids are mixed race and I get lots of questions. And comments about their lovely skin, their hair, etc

differentID · 19/02/2009 21:29

Maybe it's because it's unusual? If something is out of the ordinary, then you must expect some comments surely?
Perhaps these people are trying to be friendly?

foxinsocks · 19/02/2009 21:30

don't think it's just because of the colour of their hair.

Dd had thick curly brown hair, olive skin and brown eyes and I am fair skinned with straight blonde hair and blue eyes. People used to ask me where she 'came from' all the time. And if I was her mother.

Some people are just very nosey that's all! And sometimes I do think people are attempting to be friendly or start conversation yadda yadda...

you'll get used to it (you just have to and bear it)

tell them the milkman had red hair and you often wondered if it was a coincidence

GrimmaTheNome · 19/02/2009 21:30

"Don't you understand basic genetics?"

dragonbutter · 19/02/2009 21:30

DS2 has white-blonde hair and everybody mentions it. They also ask who they've inherited it from.
I would guess it's just small talk.
Do you feel sensitive about it?
Maybe it's your issue more than theirs?, especially if they are just stating facts and not being offensive about the red hair.

NormaLeighLucid · 19/02/2009 21:34

I wouldnt worry. People like to pass comment they dont mean to be offensice or intrusive.
One of my brothers had red hair and the rest of the 4 of us were brown and people always commented on it, it never bothered my parents because they didnt have any hang ups themselves about it and used to take it as a compliment and this has resulted in my brother growning into a very confident happy man just like the rest of us.
It is also the same with my children I have dark brown eyes and they have very light blue eyes and people comment on them, I like the fact that they have noticed how beautiful their eyes are.

BitOfFun · 19/02/2009 21:34

I get this too, as one of my daughters has beautiful red hair (check out my pics!), but it doesn't upset me, I just say "It must be the Irish coming out" and agree with them she is very striking. People just need something to say sometimes, I don't think they are necessarily implying you are a shagger!

lauradora · 19/02/2009 21:39

yes i get it too! AND I have lots of children AND close in age so you can just imagine the comments... actually i'm really happy with it all and my luckily DD seems to be thick skinned enough to put up with it too. I have really learned not to say 'oh look she's got red hair' or 'gosh he's quite tall for his age' etc....
ps do you find your redhead feels no pain, my DD actually asked for more when she had her hib booster injection -!

nellyfin · 19/02/2009 21:41

i get this AAALLLL the time. My two DC's are red heads and dh and I are brunette. I just shrug and say 'dont know! The milkman?'

I really dont mind it though. Funny thing to be offended by imo....

seeker · 19/02/2009 21:42

I have one dc with fabulous long red hair, and one who, when little, had heartstoppingly lovely white-blond curls. I loved it when people commented on them. I think it's really sad that people don't like interest being shown in their children.

BitOfFun · 19/02/2009 21:42

Oh yes! But I didn't realize people associate the pain thing with red hair, I put it down to her autism...she must have the constitution of an ox then

LucyEllensmummy · 19/02/2009 21:43

The gene for ginger hair is recessive. So you need two copies of the "ginger" gene to have ginger hair. It is perfectly feasable to not see ginger hair in several generations of family and then there is a match. Its the same for green eyes although its more complicated i think.

I think ginger hair is lovely and really of women with ginger hair. Would i comment on it? I might do actually, if I knew you fairly well - but just the same as i would comment about the green eyes and it would be complimentary.

Thats the thing isn't it, i think some things are acceptable to comment on because not everyone sees it as a negative - ive never considered ginger hair a negative.

What i am trying to say (badly) is, don't be upset by it, its probably meant as a compliment. My DD is very tall for her age (aged 3 and is the tallest at play group among 4 year olds) and both her dad and I are short arses, it just goes to show that inheritence isn't straight forward. She is going to tower over both of us - people have commented, I just say she inherited it from the milkman

There was a mixed race wee lad at play group once, he was quite dark skinned and had amazing affro stylee hair and the hugest most beautiful blue eyes - he was an absolute stunner, i think its quite sad that i felt i couldn't pass comment on it because of it being un-pc, i guess that is quite a different issue though.

Original poster
Joe1977 · 19/02/2009 21:43

I love that people notice my children and comment on them, and I don't mind at all when family or friends chat about their hair colour/behaviour/height etc. It is just the query about their parentage when asked where they get their hair colour from that bothers me. Would love to try out the comment about the milkman next time I'm approached, but will probably be too chicken!

Guess I'm just pondering on things too much after a glass of wine!!!! Will have to think of something more constructive to do.

Thank you all for your comments.

OP posts:
madamekoto · 19/02/2009 21:43

I am a red head and have a 4 year old dd with gorgeous brown hair. I have been approached a couple off times and asked if I am relieved that she does not have red hair!

I kid you not, I always reply that I have managed to live a full and happy life as a red head.

sprogger · 19/02/2009 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

M1SSUNDERSTOOD · 19/02/2009 21:44

My DS2 has white blonde hair too and just like dragonbutter we get comments. I find saying "we dye it" usually suffices.

2pt4kids · 19/02/2009 21:45

I've got red hair and have two white blonde boys. people often comment on it 'ooh i bet they're dad must have blonde hair' etc
Its nice that people chat to you about your children.
As long as they arent saying 'my god, look at their hair, where on earth did they get that from?' in a horrified voice then theres nothing really to be upset about

SammyK · 19/02/2009 21:46

My DS has white blond hair with a curl to it, and we get the same comments, DP and I both have dark hair now but were both white blond as children ourselves. We just take it as a compliment and people making conversation.

lou33 · 19/02/2009 21:47

i have brown hair and my kids are all v blonde, i get countless comments about this

now i just tell them it costs a fortune at the hairdressers to retouch their roots

LucyEllensmummy · 19/02/2009 21:48

Bitoffun, Just looked at your profile, your DD is beautiful but thats because she takes after her mother - that picture is amazing!!

smellen · 19/02/2009 21:49

I'm tall, and would be rich too if I could have had a penny for every time I've heard...

  • what's the weather like up there?
  • gosh, you're tall, aren't you?
  • do you play basketball?
  • do you find it hard to get a boyfriend? (What's that got to do with the price of fish? Am I minging too?)

People just say stupid things at times; sometimes they are malicious, but I think most of the time they are just thoughtless, unoriginal and perhaps borderline rude. I'd tell your kids to have a couple of witty one-liners up their sleeves, and hold their red heads high.