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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My Dad calls my DD 'the brat'

103 replies

lollipopmother · 18/02/2009 22:18

DD has just turned five months, PFB.

My Dad has called her 'the brat' pretty much since the beginning, she had awful colic in the evenings and used to scream the house down for about three hours a night. She's grown out of it now and is fine, she is a baby though and babies do cry occasionally!

Anyway, even when she is being perfectly angelic he calls her 'the brat'. It makes me actually boil inside. Just thinking about it winds me right up.

AIBU to think that this is not right, or am I just being PFB?

OP posts:
TweetleBeetle · 18/02/2009 22:20

Not nice - have you told him not to, maybe he doesn;t realise that it upsets you so much.

Or everytime he calls her 'the brat' you could call him the old grump

Tommy · 18/02/2009 22:20

you are NOT being unreasonable or PFB-ish. Your dad is being very rude and you need to tell him.

Tell him I said so

Longtalljosie · 18/02/2009 22:22

No, you're not being unreasonable. Ask him to stop. Just say, I really don't like it when you call her that. That really ought to do it - shouldn't it?

Bagebird · 18/02/2009 22:22

No, you have every right to be upset and angry. Brat is an awful word and the sooner he is told to drop it, the better. Preferably before she starts to pick up language and can understand how rude her grandfather is.

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 18/02/2009 22:23

Soooo not unreasonable.

I was livid earlier this week when a colleague referred to children on half term as brats. All of them. No particular misdemeanours. Just kids. Therefore brats.

Stupid and narrowminded

Ivykaty44 · 18/02/2009 22:24

YANBU, why though does a grown man call his gd a brat? have you asked him why?

wotzy · 18/02/2009 22:24

no
not on
not funny
not clever
not nice for your dd at all
tell him it must stop

catMandu · 18/02/2009 22:26

Blimey, I'm usually the first to shout PFB but no it's not you, it's him. He probably doesn't realise how it sounds, but it really would make me cross. You have to say something.

Technofairy · 18/02/2009 22:39

It depends. Is he saying it in a nasty way or does he think it's somehow humerous? He quite possibly doesn't realise how much it is upsetting you. Have you told him?

When I was pregnant my Mum referred to DS as 'the parasite' which completely threw me at first, but she did it in a nice, grandma kind of a way. I know it probably sounds absolutely terrible that is just my Mum's sense of humour. Probably something to do with being educated by nuns in the 1940s. And she's right, he was a parasite - he lived off me completely - and now he's a 21 year old student and still is a parasite!!

If it upsets you that much then I think you're going to have to spell it out to him. It's not clear from your post whether he is in any way affectionate towards her which makes it difficult to tell whether he is being 'ironic' or just intolerant.

piscesmoon · 18/02/2009 22:40

You are not being at all PFB-this is his grandchild-I would stop him now, before she gets any older.

LostVagueness · 18/02/2009 22:44

You should start referring to your Dad as 'the old coffin dodger' He might get the hint.

Heated · 18/02/2009 22:45

Not right, YANBU.

Next time he does it, tell you lovely dd in front of him, "ignore your unkind grandfather, he doesn't mean to hurt your feelings"

If he were to say anything further then you can say quietly but firmly, "I don't like it" He can't then continue without looking a plonk.

wotzy · 18/02/2009 22:47

Ask him how he'd feel if you refer to him in front of your dd as "the old git" and see if he thinks it's funny.

Dropdeadfred · 18/02/2009 22:49

just say' when you say brat I automatically think you're a 'prat' or 'twat'' (depends how rude you want to be to him

Rachmumoftwo · 18/02/2009 22:49

Someone I knew used to call DD 'little witch' and it used to really upset me. I taught her to retort 'I'm not a witch, I'm a Princess' and stopped meeting up with this person.

You can't do that with your father, so tell him you don't like it (or can you get your mum to?).

YANBU btw, or PFBish

CurlyhairedAssassin · 18/02/2009 22:53

I would just ask him how long he intends to keep using that word for? Till she is old enough to understand that it is unkind?

He is being really horrible. Did he used to call you and any siblings "brat" when you were little?

You are deffo NOT being PFB and believe I am one of those who tell the PFB types to get a grip!

Original poster
lollipopmother · 18/02/2009 22:55

I've told him before a couple of times, once in front of my mother too and they both just really condescendingly said 'ohhh well we know you don't like it now so we'll do it some more'. I hate it. It really makes me angry. I don't quite know what to do. He said it a couple of days ago and I was boiling for hours, still am really. I want to tell him that if he says it again I'll make sure he doesn't see DD for a very long time, that's how irritated I am.

I am worried that if he can say this now, what will he be saying to her face when she's old enough to understand him?

He is actually a very nice guy, I don't think he does it to be a bully, but equally he knows I've asked him to stop and he does it anyway, so what can I do?

OP posts:
dittany · 18/02/2009 22:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Technofairy · 18/02/2009 22:58

LostVagueness has the best suggestion - calling him 'the old coffin dodger' should get his attention and get the message across.

Like it LV!

controlfreakythecontrolfreak · 18/02/2009 22:59

how bloody rude and horrid. have they always been so insensitive and dismissive of your feelings?? tell them to stop it NOW or else fuck off til they can behave properly. poor you.

Monkeygi · 18/02/2009 23:02

You could try smiling charmingly at him and saying "Yes, isn't it sweet, she takes after you!"

bellabelly · 18/02/2009 23:02

lollipopmother - you've already told him you don't like it and he's still doing it? Am shocked at him - and your mother. I would literally say, next time it happens, "if you call her that, you won't be seeing us again". I know you say he's a nice guy really but he sounds like a nasty bully. And your mum!

Technofairy · 18/02/2009 23:03

Actually, after reading your latest post which just about crossed with mine I don't think your retaliating with a similar name for him will make any difference.

He'll probably just take it on board and refer to himself as 'coffin dodger' or whatever. I think dittany has the right idea - warn him in advance of the consequences of calling her 'the brat' and end the visit as soon as he says it without further explanation. The fact that it's being done when he knows how you feel is shitty and you don't need to put up with it.

earthpixie · 18/02/2009 23:05

Just tell him, very clearly and calmly, that he is not allowed to refer to her in that way.

If he continues, ask them/him to leave, or leave yourself.

It will be difficult but only take one go, I think!

Sidge · 18/02/2009 23:09

It is incredibly rude and disrespectful.

If a friend called your baby a brat would you still see her? No, I doubt it.

So tell your parents that you don't find it amusing, you're not going to stand for it any more, and if they say it again you are leaving and won't see them again until they can control themselves and not call a baby a brat.

Harsh but necessary I think. What are they going to call her when her behaviour is really annoying when she's about 2 or 3?