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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My Dad calls my DD 'the brat'

103 replies

lollipopmother · 18/02/2009 22:18

DD has just turned five months, PFB.

My Dad has called her 'the brat' pretty much since the beginning, she had awful colic in the evenings and used to scream the house down for about three hours a night. She's grown out of it now and is fine, she is a baby though and babies do cry occasionally!

Anyway, even when she is being perfectly angelic he calls her 'the brat'. It makes me actually boil inside. Just thinking about it winds me right up.

AIBU to think that this is not right, or am I just being PFB?

OP posts:
deste · 19/02/2009 12:24

I think I agree, if he says it again, get your coats and leave. If they dont get the message then, they never will.

ChampagneDahling · 19/02/2009 12:38

Ah ha ! I'd missed the post when you told him and your mum - how rude !! Can't believe they would be so insensitive, in that case I'm afraid desperate measures called for - do all of the above !!

Bubbaluv · 19/02/2009 13:04

FIL calls DS1 Fatty. It would never cross my mind that it is anything other than a loving and ironic nickname (FIL is v fat and DS1 is v skinny).
To be honest with you, it really wouldn't bother me unless he meant it, and from your description it sounds like he doesn't. It won't bother your DD unless she feels that it bothers you and from that deducts that it is something other than jest (which it seems it isn't).
IMHO you are being a bit PFB, but then sometimes it's v hard to see these urges for what they are at the time and even if you can they can be impossible to ignore.

Original poster
lollipopmother · 19/02/2009 15:12

You're right Bubbaluv, I do think that he doesn't actually mean what he's saying because he doesn't say it with a malicious tone, but then that doesn't make it any better because in my mind if he doesn't mean it then why bother saying it , well, other than to wind me up that is . Other than using 'brat' he is actually very affectionate towards her really.

Oh, he's not Irish by the way, but good thinking whoever suggested it! I'm also not sure he'd know a Bratz doll, or at least, I hope not (hideous little things!).

I told my DP at the most recent time, he said I was being silly. I told him last night that Mumsnet didn't think I was being silly! His answer 'ohh, you've managed to find some PMT suffering women to agree with you have you?'. Charming . Suffice to say that I was really bloody livid by then and told him that he was a condescending t**t. I wouldn't mind the boringly obvious PMT response except that I've never had it and in any case, I haven't had a period for over a year - hey, maybe I am suffering from a years worth of PMT all thrown in to one! If I am I am SO going to aim it all at him!

I have decided, next time Dad says it I am going to give him a warning, I shall be very firm (I am never firm with my parents, they walk all over me) and ask him to stop and I will tell him the consequences are that we will leave/he will be removed. I will then follow up if he carries on.

Thanks for all your replies by the way ladies, it is nice to know that I'm not completely mental!

OP posts:
Original poster
lollipopmother · 19/02/2009 15:17

Nekabu - God, I should think that would have an effect, what an awful thing to call someone on a regular basis. Well, at all really.

OP posts:
muddleduck · 19/02/2009 15:25

So i'm with your DH on this one. You are being silly!

BUT mums with new babies are allowed to be silly about them. It's in the job description. It this upsets you then it must stop - surely your dad doen't really want to upset you, he just doesn't understand that it is such a big deal to you. But you must acknowledge that he is not doing anything horrendous and he means no harm by it.

Don't start treating your parents like children. Just explain that it really upsets you and that you know he means it as a joke but that you really would appreciate it if he would stop upsetting you. Don't wait until he has already said it as then he is bound to be defensive. I also agree with an earlier poster who suggested that it might come better from your mum. When I was a teenager my dad used to really wind me up with something that he thought was a joke. He only stopped when I go my mum to intervene. He just wouldn't take me seriously.

QuintessentialShadows · 19/02/2009 15:27

(tell him) "That you don't like it and that it annoys you because it's RUDE. Not because you're being precious or po-faced but because he is being rude to his dgd and if he doesn't quit it then you will have to seriously consider restricting access as you simply do not want her realising what he's calling her when she is old enough to understand." like Nekabu says is the best solution.

Please dont stoop to his level and join the name calling competition. That is childish.

If it continues, they will in the end just say "oh well you have been calling me.... x y z" and then it doesnt matter who started it, as you have continued it.

Take the moral highground, and take Nekabos approach.

Nabster · 19/02/2009 15:31

Even if he was meaning it affectionately, he now knows you don't like it and continues to do it which makes it out of order.

I nannied for a gorgeous little girl and called her my little dumpling until her mother asked me not too as she didn't like it. Never did it again.

I think this upsets you too much to put up with it and maybe have some space between you for a while. Give him one chance, tell him again and if he repeats it just calmly leave/ask him to leave.

TheyCallMePeachy · 19/02/2009 15:32

I agree with Pag (oh I dnt think i've got pmt but who knows, still bf ds4 and no perids yet

Surrounded by charming men aren't you LOL

Original poster
lollipopmother · 19/02/2009 15:39

That did occur to me yes TheycallmePeachy!!

OP posts:
Helen31 · 19/02/2009 15:41

Ooh, gotta grudgingly respect your DH being prepared to label all of us MNers as PMT suffering women.

Am preggers, so no PMT here either BTW. But suspect he might have another hormone-based stereotype just for me .

But liking your supernanny option and think that your DH could benefit from a spell on the naughty step!

eandz · 19/02/2009 15:50

hi lollipop

you are NOT being unreasonable...i would explain that until they got their attitude on the right track there will be no visits/interaction at all.

branflake81 · 19/02/2009 16:22

YABU. It's just a jokey name. You need to lighten up, imho.

milou2 · 19/02/2009 16:22

Do what ever it takes to stop him calling your child a brat.

I told my mother that nowadays using that word is completely unacceptable and I didn't want her to use it.

I am proud to say that she stopped there and then. Be firm, they are tough as old boots, parents!! Tough love and all that if they are old fashioned and think they rule the roost.

dittany · 19/02/2009 16:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumeeee · 19/02/2009 16:40

YANBU That is not nice even if it is said in a jokey way.

drlove8 · 19/02/2009 16:46

id be furious if anyone called any of my children a "brat" even in a joke . id end up calling him granddad-old-fart every time he says it .

drlove8 · 19/02/2009 16:48

by the way your dd is gorgeous!

nickschick · 19/02/2009 16:52

My nan calls ds1 who has ortho probs 'him with the teeth'

ds2 who has a blood disorder and m.e she calls 'leukamia kid'

ds3 has long hair and she calls him 'the girl' so he gets off quite lightly ......

shes nasty with it tho.

shirleyfgirley · 19/02/2009 16:56

i think calling your grandchild a "brat" is appalling. if it is his attempt at humour, that's a poor excuse. not remotely acceptable so put your foot down!!!!!

georgimama · 19/02/2009 17:12

Why do you need people who refer to your child in a derogatory manner in your life? Give them a clear choice - they stop it, or they don't see her.

Your partner sounds lovely too. Does he want his daughter to grow up being told she is a brat by people who are supposed to love her? Nice.

Helen31 · 19/02/2009 17:17

at Nickschick, your nan sounds a charmer.

Original poster
lollipopmother · 19/02/2009 17:51

Jesus Christ Nickschick that is outrageous, absolutely disgusting. And you still speak with this woman??

DrLove8 and everyone who has looked at my pics, thank you! I think she's gorgeous too.

OP posts:
seeker · 19/02/2009 17:58

My father used to call me "buggerlugs" and we refer to our own children as "the vermin". I think it all depends on tone of voice and the family sense of humour!

MadamDeathstare · 19/02/2009 18:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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