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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My Dad calls my DD 'the brat'

103 replies

lollipopmother · 18/02/2009 22:18

DD has just turned five months, PFB.

My Dad has called her 'the brat' pretty much since the beginning, she had awful colic in the evenings and used to scream the house down for about three hours a night. She's grown out of it now and is fine, she is a baby though and babies do cry occasionally!

Anyway, even when she is being perfectly angelic he calls her 'the brat'. It makes me actually boil inside. Just thinking about it winds me right up.

AIBU to think that this is not right, or am I just being PFB?

OP posts:

supergluebum · 19/02/2009 18:04

Start calling him "sillyarse", and tell him that if he doesn't stop it, before long she'll start talking and calling him it too. YANBU, why do they do these infuriating things!

supergluebum · 19/02/2009 18:06

Sorry didn't read back to where people said don't name call they are right!

I am a pushover with my parents (or I used to be), it's hard, but you have to nip it in the bud and start as you mean to go on

ChampagneDahling · 19/02/2009 18:07

I don't have PMT and am not in a particularly bad mood either - can be though if it helps.......

Your baby is precious...

Nekabu · 19/02/2009 18:08

Seeker, I do agree with you for older children and don't have the slightest problem with someone calling their children silly names with affection! But a baby doesn't have a sense of humour and her mother doesn't like it and will be giving out 'I don't like that' body language which her baby will pick up on. I don't think calling a baby a derogatory term as standard when it won't understand it is very nice as it won't get that it's 'supposed to be funny' for quite some time after it knows what it means. Also, brat is a specific derogatory term for a child whereas buggerlugs and the vermin aren't ... ;)

Nekabu · 19/02/2009 18:12

lollipopmother, yes, awful to be called that! From what I remember of the book he really didn't get that it could be offensive or hurtful and just used it as her nickname almost. That's sort of what I mean, a derogatory term used non-stop can be quite wearing after a while.

ScummyMummy · 19/02/2009 18:15

I quite like the word brat/bratlet. Not as good as spalpeen but not bad. I agree with qwertpoiuy that it can be used affectionately and I think it sounds like your dad is pretty doting and not using it perjoratively, tbh. So I'd be inclined to state your dislike but then ignore. Otherwise, if your dad's anything like mine he'll call her brat even more just to annoy you...

Nickschick's nan, on the other hand, sounds stunningly insensitive. I would be steering clear of her if at all possible.

seeker · 19/02/2009 18:23

Scummymummy - I say Bratlet too. I like the sound of it and use it a lot.

But lollipopmother, you must ask him to stop if you don't like it - if you mind then he mustn't do it, and it's important that he stops.

ScummyMummy · 19/02/2009 18:35

I agree with you, seeker, that it depends a lot on tone and humour. I think my boys would quite like being called the vermin! But also agree that since lollipopmother is not keen her dad should desist though.

seeker · 19/02/2009 18:47

When my ds was about 3, he put his hands on his hips and said to dp "We's not vermins, we's peoples. YOUs the vermins!"

ScummyMummy · 19/02/2009 18:56

lol! He sounds funny.

nickschick · 19/02/2009 19:02

By lollipopmother on Thu 19-Feb-09 17:51:53
Jesus Christ Nickschick that is outrageous, absolutely disgusting. And you still speak with this woman??

No im avoiding contact at the momemt with her im cross that she uses those names and that she demanded at the end of january my boys wrote her thankyou letters for xmas money (this was in another thread when shed previously told me that she did not want them to send letters as they thanked her on the fone and she cant read theirs or mine writing anyway - im a nursery nurse by trade and my fil always says my handwriting looks typed and i dont even do 'joined up' writing lol) anyway she wanted thankyou letters to show her friends niece who is a teacher so she can tell my nan how 'thick' my children are ds1 leaves school in june hopefully with 13 gcses (he already has 4) and is off to study law history and english language at college .

I think my Nan is just unpleasant .

AnnVan · 19/02/2009 19:41

nickschick god your nan sounds like right old baggage! So sad - but she'll end up lonely and bitter if she treats people around her like that.

Original poster

lollipopmother · 19/02/2009 22:15

Oh. My. God Nickschick, that is absolutely disgraceful, I am stunned. Don't ever speak to her again, what an utter b*h.

So, mum was round today, I was strong and brought up the subject, first she laughed at me, then when I persisted she told me that I was being far too touchy and that I should stop being so sensitive and just get on with it, then I told her that quite frankly as it is MY DD he's referring to I will be getting the last say on the matter, and I say that it is not acceptable. She huffed and puffed a bit and then said she'd tell him. Then couldn't resist a couple of sly little digs at various times such as to DD 'ohhh how are you little Chubby-Cheeks? Oh, but I won't be able to call you that any more otherwise your mummy will tell me off' etc etc, which is par for the course with her really.

OP posts:

ChippingIn · 19/02/2009 23:58

lollipopmother - well done

Let us know how it goes now....

Seeker - where are your family from? My family often call the kids (me, brother, cousins etc) 'Bugglerlugs' and I call the LO's that too sometimes, but I have never heard anyone outside of our family use the term before, so it was funny to see it here

toddlerama · 20/02/2009 00:13

My dad still refers to me and my sisters as his bratlings. Always thought it was nice!

However, he did use a nickname for my daughter that I quite irrationally didn't like and when I told him so he never did it again. Why would they want to wind you up???

YANBU at all. Point out that caring for a baby is stressful and emotional anyway without extended family trying to get a rise out of you! TBH, I'd be more wound up with my mum talking to baby whilst directing snipey remarks to me ("Oh mummy will tell me off") but that's just a pet-peeve of mine!

cerys · 20/02/2009 01:34

My MIL (no longer with us) used to do the talk-to-baby-with-snipey-remarks thing too. It used to drive me mad. She had the same sense of humour as your parents.
hope things get better

JacksmamasBabyIsOneYearOld · 20/02/2009 01:57

Well done you!
Just took a peek at your pics - she's just gorgeous!!! Mmmmm.... I just want to snuggle her for a few hours!!

ProfYaffle · 20/02/2009 08:01

I believe buggerlugs is a northern thing, my Grandad used to say it a lot.

Bubbaluv · 20/02/2009 08:38

I think you will look back on this in a few years time and have a good laugh at how ridiculous it all was. I hope so anyway, becuase your family will!
PFB hormones are a great source of amusement for me now- although seemed like serious stuff at the time.

ScummyMummy · 20/02/2009 09:57

Yes, agree the pictures are lovely. Very cute little bratlet you have there, lollipop.

Original poster

lollipopmother · 20/02/2009 12:31

Funny you should say bratlet because that is what my mum said she'd call her instead, which I think is a slight improvement, at least it sounds a bit cuter than brat!

OP posts:

singalongamumum · 20/02/2009 13:02

Oh lollipop, your mum sounds a bit like mine! I think you're in the right and should continue to insist. I agree it can be about sense of humour but what we call children does make a difference, so we need to choose with care.

But at the end of the day, it doesn't matter if you're wrong, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, she's your DD- as you told your mum! I have a pet peev about the word 'ta' (can't stand it but that's another thread ). I insist no one says it to my DS. It drives several people round the bend but he's mine so I choose and that's the end of it!

nickschick Keep away from that woman! Is she mentally stable?

Mungarra · 20/02/2009 17:40

Well done for confronting your mother. Even if your parents think it's funny, it doesn't make it alright. I guess your mother is in an awkward position of needing to defend her prat of a husband, but hopefully she'll tell him to stop it.

It sounds like you need to be really assertive with your parents and not care if they think you're being po-faced or whatever. I would warn them that if they say it again, you'll be walking out the door and mean it.

My grandfather called my mother a foreign name meaning 'ugly face' all through her childhood. I think these things can be very destructive.

TweetleBeetle · 21/02/2009 17:54

I was also a buggerlugs - in fact I am still !

Saying that, I was also (ans still am) brat - however it is a term of affection but I was old enough to appreciate this. It is upsetting you and that should be enough for them not to do it.

I would also object to chubby cheek but there you go, if you're OK with it then thats fine

supergluebum · 22/02/2009 17:08

We call the dog buggerlugs, and doglet. But my dad used to call me "fatarse". Not in a horrible way (I hope ), not great didn't do a lot for my self esteem at times, but I did bollock him if he did it in front of my mates!

Back to the point, well done for confronting him, nipping in the bud is best!

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