Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

to have stopped reading my 10 year old son bedtime stories?

106 replies

bunjies · 17/02/2009 18:04

Ds turned 10 last month and we told him that as he is now a very proficient reader he would no longer get a bedtime story/chapter after we'd finished the book we were on (Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire). We have 2 younger daughters and we feel it is their turn now. Ds took it well and accepted we have a limited amount of time in the evenings and acknowledges his stories take up a much larger chunk of time than the girls'. He now gets to read in bed for half an hour so his bedtime is now between 9/10pm depending on whether it's the weekend. MIL, on hearing it, thinks we're being mean yet didn't say much when dh reminded her she didn't read to him at that age! What do you think? Are we being unreasonable?

OP posts:

Lindenlass · 17/02/2009 18:06

yabu

how old are the younger two? can't you all choose a book together that will suit them all to share at bedtime? or you could just read to him twice a week or something.

BlueCowWondersSomeMore · 17/02/2009 18:08

poor lad - it's as if he's being 'punished' for learning to read! Alternate between stories suitable for biggies and littlies.

NAB09 · 17/02/2009 18:09

YANBU for being pushed for time but I think you are for stopping reading to him. Such a special time of day.

Rammit · 17/02/2009 18:10

If he's ok with it, then it's fine.

Ten is v old for being read bedtime stories imo.

southeastastra · 17/02/2009 18:10

blimey i stopped way before ten

what's the problem with him reading himself

Lindenlass · 17/02/2009 18:10

why does the age matter? If he enjoys it, then seems a shame to take it away from him when it's such a special, close time, sharing a story.

Oovavu · 17/02/2009 18:10

I do think it's importnant to read to your dc whatever their age (up until they leave home

It's a recognised fact that reading to children at all ages helps their continued reading development. The Michael Rosen programme that's just been on BBC4 has been fantastic at showing this and even though the experiment in reading to children was in a primary school, the results were fantastic. It's made me decide to read to my Year 7 & 8 classes every week when they usually do private reading, which is a switch-off for many.

What about a compromise - alternate nights with him reading one and you/dh reading another? or even once a week? what about joint sessions with all dcs being read to by you or dh? story cds?

Miyazaki · 17/02/2009 18:13

No YANBU. Not at all. What about reading to him once a week on a sunday maybe. My dad read us the hobbit and other more grown up books when we were bigger, and we read to ourselves at night.

Rammit · 17/02/2009 18:16

It seems that he's swapped being read to for half an hour reading to himself in bed (lights out later?). I'd've gone with that at 10.

That he took it well says to me it was about the right time to do it.

laweaselmys · 17/02/2009 18:17

If he's okay with it I think it's fine.

Buuut, if really he enjoys it and is just towing the line, maybe you could read a bit and then he could finish the chapter on his own and catch you up the next day so you can read to the girls.

LadyOfWaffle · 17/02/2009 18:20

Or get your DS to read to the littler ones? Enjoy a book together?

Ashantai · 17/02/2009 18:20

Yanbu, our kids have half an hour before they go to bed to read too. They are 10 and 11 and started doing this a while ago

You say he took it well so i cant see a problem with it

pageturner · 17/02/2009 18:29

Well, I fully intend to carry on reading to mine until they barricade the door against me. My eldest (ds1) is also 10 and is showing no signs of wanting me to stop. He's getting more independence as he gets older, so it's really nice to have this quiet time of day where we can have a bit of a chat and then read. I'd hardly see him otherwise!

I agree with those who think it's a shame that he's being penalised for being the eldest. The time thing has been manageable so far, I'd stick at it for a bit longer. All too soon he will be barricading the door against you and you'll wonder where your baby has gone. Children grow up too fast, IMO, so savour it while you can. Also, just because he took it well, doesn't mean he wouldn't rather you carried on doing it.

pageturner · 17/02/2009 18:30

Have just talked to ds1 about this, and he thinks it's that your ds isn't going to get his stories.

VoteforGoat · 17/02/2009 18:31

i do it sporadically. twice a week maybe

Original poster

bunjies · 17/02/2009 18:42

TBH I prefer it when he reads to me.

The problem is that when he has a story it usually takes half an hour which meas=ns the girls only get about 5 minutes each. This isn't such a bug deal for my youngest but I want to be able to give more time to my 6 year old & read more chapter based storied rather than a quick story book.

I think he was a bit sad when we first discussed it with him but understood the reasoning. He has been read to pretty much all his life and the girls have never had as much as him. We're not 'punishing' him for having learned to read just giving him more independence I suppose.

OP posts:

Original poster

bunjies · 17/02/2009 18:45

That should obviously read "big deal"!

Are there any parents of 2 or more older (over 5/6 yrs) children who read to their children daily?

OP posts:

ComeWhineWithMe · 17/02/2009 18:49

I don't read to my ds anymore he is 11 and is reading order of the phoenix but if he asked me to I would ,I have noticed he sometimes comes and lays on the bed when I am reading to dd's he seemed to enjoy Charlottes web last night .

Original poster

bunjies · 17/02/2009 18:56

Actually that's a good point CWME. Ds does listen to the girls' stories before having some one on one time with us. We usually spend the time before he goes to his room to talk about stuff or he gets to play dh's bass guitar for a bit!

OP posts:

Lindenlass · 17/02/2009 18:58

Well I have 4 children, oldest is nearly 6 and is a fluent reader. I read to the older two once the younger two are asleep. yes, it takes time, but it's special time and I'm well aware that they won't always want that special time with us so would do whatever I could to make sure I can fit it in.

bloss · 17/02/2009 19:05

Message withdrawn

MitchyInge · 17/02/2009 19:10

fucking hell

I still read with my teenagers sometimes, not often (in fact more often they come and read to me ) they were way older than 10 when nightly bedtime stories wound down, and obviously still read to my 9yo and will until she doesn't want to any more

admittedly when we read together these days (the teens) we are more likely to be playing something like sausages, beans and mash (where every word beginning with s is substituted with sausages, b becomes beans and so on, and also a rude version of same game) than reading properly

are we the most tragic family in the world?

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 17/02/2009 19:33

I have three children - usually DH and I each read to one of the younger two, swapping so we read to DD2 one night and DD3 the next. DD1 is 11 and in theory I would like to read to her too, but it doesn't happen as often as it should. I try for once or twice a week.
That's what I suggest for you Bunjies, don't give up altogether but try to find say one night a week when you have special reading time with DS1.
WRT reading to all at once, I find that doesn't work so well for us in practice as the books they want to read don't overlap much. DD1 will sometimes come and listen to what I am reading DD2, but she is a voracious reader so usually has read it already and wants to get on with her own book.

fififlowerpot33 · 17/02/2009 20:23

I think it was a shame that you made it such a definate thing - when you finish the book you're currently reading then that's the cut off point. It sounds as though he understands the time constraints and that's fair enough as we all have limited time in the evening but I do think it might be better to suggest you were going to have to reduce it to the weekend for example rather than that's it, full stop. After all, it's not just the fact he is listening to you reading a story but the fact that he's having some undivided attention which is so lovely for you you both.

PortofinoLovesItUpTheOxoTower · 17/02/2009 20:27

Blimey I was probably reading Jackie Collins at that age. No more Wind in the Willow for me.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5