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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have stopped reading my 10 year old son bedtime stories?

106 replies

bunjies · 17/02/2009 18:04

Ds turned 10 last month and we told him that as he is now a very proficient reader he would no longer get a bedtime story/chapter after we'd finished the book we were on (Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire). We have 2 younger daughters and we feel it is their turn now. Ds took it well and accepted we have a limited amount of time in the evenings and acknowledges his stories take up a much larger chunk of time than the girls'. He now gets to read in bed for half an hour so his bedtime is now between 9/10pm depending on whether it's the weekend. MIL, on hearing it, thinks we're being mean yet didn't say much when dh reminded her she didn't read to him at that age! What do you think? Are we being unreasonable?

OP posts:
kitbit · 17/02/2009 20:31

What does your ds want to do? After around 7 or 8 I wanted to read by myself, as I was very independent. I had bedtime cuddles downstairs before bedtime then went up by myself, very happily. But I know my best friend at the time used to have stories with her mum for quite some time after that, and that was fine for them.

Have you asked him?

abbierhodes · 17/02/2009 20:37

Just out of interest, why can't one of you read to hime and the other read to the girls? If he gets half an hour, why do the girls only get 5 minutes? Can't they have half an hour with the other parent?
I agree with others, I think the sad thing is the finality of the announcement.

Jux · 17/02/2009 20:40

So the poor lad's a good reader and therefore has to forego the pleasure of being read to at night? So sad

Understand you're pushed for time but can't you just shorten the time a bit? I've been reading HP/Artemis Fowl and the like to dd for years, chapters are far too long to do a whole one each night. I'd read for x time and then she's carry on by herself.

Oh please, give him 10mins reading, go on, you know you want to

worley · 17/02/2009 20:43

what my 10 year old ds1 has now is when he goes to bed at 8.30 he gets to listen to an audio book for 20 mins, so he is still laying there relaxing and lsitening before going to sleep, hes listening to terry pratchetts nation at the moment. and has alice in woderland lined up next.

ZZZen · 17/02/2009 20:51

I agree a whole chapter of Harry Potter every night may be too long for you, just read a few pages. Sometimes I am so tired that I nearly fall asleep myself when I'm reading to dd and then I stop after a couple of pages.

Read something that interests you too. I read biographies of famous people to dd (8) at the moment and quite enjoy them myself. Atm we are reading about Harriet Tubman, a runaway slave who after escaping to freedom in the north, went back to the south 12 times on rescue missions, helping her parents and other slaves to escape via the Underground Railway. The chapters are not particularly long, but even so I don't always finish them and we often stop and talk about it.

How about a family reading one day a week, not necessarily at bedtime? Someone reads to the whole family snuggled up on the sofa, kt could also be ds sometimes.

ZZZen · 17/02/2009 20:55

mind you I don't think you are BU to stop reading to a 10 year old. I am just wondering how many of us were being read to by our dp when we were 10 or older.

I know my dp weren't reading to me once I was 11 but I don't know when they actually stopped.

hannahsaunt · 17/02/2009 20:56

Ds1 is 8.5 and an exceedingly proficient reader. However, he shares a room with ds2 (6) at the moment so they have a combined story time. I tend towards books that are more with ds2 in mind (we've just finished Mrs Pepperpot and read a Paddington Bear chapter tonight) but ds1 listens intently then reads independently for a while after I've left. Seems to work.

FWIW my English teacher read my 3rd year class (15yo) To Kill a Mockingbird and we had to promise not to read ahead. She was from North Carolina and read it beautifully - we were absolutely captivated. It was a magical experience.

Alambil · 17/02/2009 22:13

As Michael Rosen said; Just because you can read, doesn't diminish the enjoyment you get of being read to.

I think YABVU actually.

Start bedtime earlier; do anything you can but PLEASE do not give up reading to him

bloss · 18/02/2009 08:51

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herbietea · 18/02/2009 09:00

This reply has been deleted

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chillybangbang · 18/02/2009 09:11

I wouldn't give up my half hour in bed reading with my 9 year old for anything. It's a really special time of the day for us.

I also read to my 3 year old and 5 year old separately at bedtime too. Sometimes DH and I share the reading duties between us.

Yes - it uses up most of the evening, but what would we be doing otherwise? Watching crap TV? DH and I are still both down on the sofa together at 9pm for a bit of 'mummy/daddy bonding'!

Dropdeadfred · 18/02/2009 09:15

why does his storytime affect the girls? doesn't he go to bed later than them seeing as h is 4 yrs older.
Put the girls to bed and read to them.
THEN put him to bed and read to him?

lowenergylightbulb · 18/02/2009 09:24

I know it's not a bedtime story but I just wanted to share. My neighbour is a 'thespian' and in the summer hols (his son is now about 15) during the evenings he sits in the garden and reads a book to his family.

For a few summers it was various HP books. Last summer he did Lord of The Rings - it was amazing!

He has a bit of a brian blessed voice!!!

We sit and listen to him too.

Guadalupe · 18/02/2009 09:29

I hardly read to ds1 now he's 11, though sometimes I'll read a book to all three downstairs.

I can't imagine telling him he no longer needs stories though, he just began to read to himself more at bedtime over the last couple of years. If he asked me to read to him I would.

robinia · 18/02/2009 09:40

My ds is 7 and I haven't read specifically to him for over a year now. He is a proficient reader. But both he and his brother (age 9) can come in and listen to story time for the little one (age 3) if they want to and they are all ready for bed (excellent bribe er incentive ). (Actually the 11 and 13 year olds could come in if they wanted but they don't - they are just not interested and I can't imagine them wanting me to read them their books - would slow them down far too much!)

I did stop reading to them when they were all about 6 and started reading properly themselves .... turned it into them reading to me which was just as fun.

at all those who think you are being mean. Come on now, you have read to ds presumably every night (or thereabouts) for the last ten years. Don't send yourself on a guilt trip when so many parents don't read to their little ones at all.

excitedandscared · 18/02/2009 19:55

As a Y6 teacher I'm constantly talking to parents about how important it is that they continue to both listen to their children read and read to them, even though they may be capable of reading on their own. It's all to do with the enjoyment and sharing of the story, talking about it. It's also a good way to help your child read and enjoy stories that they may perhaps not be able to access or enjoy fully on their own - if they are concentrating on actually reading a more challenging book, they may not be able to concentrate on or enjoy the story at the same time.

In an ideal world, I would like all children in my class to be enjoying reading at home with an adult every day. However, I know that is unrealistic, but I think definitely saying you will not read to a child because he or she is too old is very sad.

(As I'm only just pregnant with my first, we'll wait and see how quickly my ideals change when faced with my own real life!!)

BTW, I enjoyed reading with my parents well into my teens and even now we share books and talk about them, though we don't actually read to each other any more!

mysteryfairy · 18/02/2009 20:26

My dd is 6 and I'm currently reading her HP and the Prisoner of Azkaban, have also read her the first two books over the last few weeks. I always do a chapter a night although I have to admit to surreptitiously looking and feeling my heart sink a bit if it is 20 pages plus. If your DS is only just 10 and elder DD 6 I would have thought you could easily come up with books that they would both enjoy and read to them together. My DS is 13 and often sneaks in to listen to DD's story. I've previously read him all 7 HP books out loud and I have to say embarking on them all over again is a real compelling argument for having a smaller age gap!

Desiderata · 18/02/2009 20:55

I don't recall my mother ever reading to me when I was a child, and I'm rather glad of it, tbh!

I loved going to bed early with a nightlight, and reading until I dropped off to sleep. I couldn't bear the thought of some sonorous adult voice ruining my stories for me!

I think the crux of this lies in whether your children learn by oral or aural means. If I want to learn something, or absorb myself in something, I have to read it or see it myself. I can't take it in when people talk into my ear. It's just not the same.

I read to ds every night because he's only four, but as soon as he can read for himself, I shall leave him to it!

morningpaper · 18/02/2009 20:59

I used to have a boyfriend who would read me stories in bed... I think it's lovely.

If he is going to bed at 9/10 then I don't understand the problem - surely the younger children are fast asleep by then?

Nontoxic · 18/02/2009 21:17

My DS1's bedtime sories tailed off when we had building work done on his bedroom and he slept on the sofa for a few weeks, which seemed to make him feel grown up and he refused the offer of stories most nights.

For a couple of years he occasionally asked to be read to, but now he's nearly 14 and hasn't had abedtime story for at least a year.

This still makes me sad, and I continue to read to his 11yo sister and 8yo brother.

I don't understand why the whole thing has to take so long; it's perfectly simple and acceptable to either set a time limit or stop at a natural break - especially as the stories get more involved.

As someone else said, I hardly ever see my dcs on their own, and I know that I'll be really sad when no one wants to sit with me at bedtime.

Make the most of the special time while the dcs are amenable to being with you.

Lovesdogsandcats · 18/02/2009 21:57

YABU.
Eve n adults love being read to (radio 4 book at bedtime/talking books).

Make time. Let little ones sit in on his too if they want, then let him sit in on theirs.

You'll regret this one day.

Colonelcupcake · 18/02/2009 22:26

I would alternate 1 evening with him, 1 with the girls

BananaSkin · 19/02/2009 10:43

We have three - I don't read to DS1. When DH is away most of the week, I have after school clubs to sort (two pick ups from school or rushing out to Beavers and back and hour later), decent food to cook(DS1 not at school yet so doesn't have a 'proper' meal until supper and I don't think the other two eat nutritiously at school), bathtime, homework etc. I'm not sure how everyone else fits it in. DS1 doesn't like being read to now anyhow.

Katiestar · 19/02/2009 11:05

If he still wants to be read to then you should still do it sometimes.Not every night but sometimes.I remember my Mum used to read a chapter of story to the whole family in the evening a couple of times a week until we left home

ImpatientGriselda · 19/02/2009 12:44

My mum read me some classic books as I had my bath, until I was about 14/15; loved it, and hope to do it for DD some day. At the moment she's more interested in pouring her bedtime milk onto books than actually listening to stories...

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