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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have stopped reading my 10 year old son bedtime stories?

106 replies

bunjies · 17/02/2009 18:04

Ds turned 10 last month and we told him that as he is now a very proficient reader he would no longer get a bedtime story/chapter after we'd finished the book we were on (Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire). We have 2 younger daughters and we feel it is their turn now. Ds took it well and accepted we have a limited amount of time in the evenings and acknowledges his stories take up a much larger chunk of time than the girls'. He now gets to read in bed for half an hour so his bedtime is now between 9/10pm depending on whether it's the weekend. MIL, on hearing it, thinks we're being mean yet didn't say much when dh reminded her she didn't read to him at that age! What do you think? Are we being unreasonable?

OP posts:

cheesesarnie · 19/02/2009 12:48

yabu!poor boy!if he enjoys books id encourage it!

OrmIrian · 19/02/2009 12:52

YABU if that means you will never read to him again. Regardless of whether he can read well or not. I still read to me eldest DS (and my DD) as well as DS#2. In fact I like reading to the big ones better as they have better stories.

In fact we are all bleary eyes today as I was reading The Hobbit to DS#1 and 2 until 10.40 last night . Well we had to finish the bit with the spiders!

OrmIrian · 19/02/2009 12:53

mp - DH and I used to read to each other in bed too. I loved it. A practice I think we will revive.

Pannacotta · 19/02/2009 12:54

I think I'd try and be more flexible in your shoes, the fact he can read well doesn't mean you need to stop.
You coudl read to him every other night or 3 times a week, or he could listen to the DDs' stories or you coudl read his books and let the DDs listen. As another poster mentions there are books which different ages can enjoy together (Charlottes Web, Secret Garden, The Hobbit, various Roald Dahl books etc)
There are always ways and means and IMO reading to your kids is really important, even if its hard to fit it in.

WynkenBlynkenandNod · 19/02/2009 13:01

I'm still reading to my 10 year old and intend to continue, though she is perfectly capable of reading whatever she wants. I don't do it for ages each night, but for a bit and she is still learning new vocab from it.

But for me the most important thing is it is a chance to discuss anything that has been worrying her through the day and get it as sorted as possible before she goes to sleep.

ThePregnantHedgeWitch · 19/02/2009 13:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Monkeygi · 19/02/2009 13:41

YANBU IMO. I stopped reading stories to ds1 when he was about that age, for two reasons: 1) he wasn't really listening.
2)I felt that he should improving his own reading skills and vocabulary. (You have to bear in mind that he has always been a lazy type who won't do anything for himself if he can get away with it [wink})

Oh, I suppose there's a third reason as well. I can't stand being read aloud to and can't quite understand the attraction. But before you all flame me alive, I started reading to him (as I have done with ds2) when he was about six months old and continued every night until he was ten. Besides, I had 'one-on-one' time with him at other times of the day.

Monkeygi · 19/02/2009 13:42

Grr not [wink}

blackrock · 19/02/2009 14:24

I urge you to continue...even if it's to help your DS read more sustained books and comprehend them well..like a book group chat? Teen years can be a real challenge for kids to keep reading, and you are your son's strongest model. If you have no time for it, neither will he soon.

Oovavu · 19/02/2009 14:45

some findings on reading to older kids and how it can help their learning (I know some are from the US but its findings support children across the board). Also includes a link to an initiative about dads reading to kids:
Reading to older children
Addresses dads but relevant for all parents
Dads and reading

Not trying to ram it down anyone's throat but it's worth repeating that it's a developmental activity as well as a bonding one.

ClaraJo · 19/02/2009 16:29

I remember DD2 seeing me with a book once (when she was about 6 or 7) and saying "What are you doing?" "Reading" "you can't be reading, you're not saying anything" "I'm reading in my head?" "Oh, how do you do that?"

She had been conditioned to believing that reading was something you did aloud (often in a group situation), to the extent that she wouldn't pick up a book unless she had to read it to me as homework (thank you, author of the wonderful Magic Key books - I'd have gone insane otherwise!), or to hand to me to read at bedtime, which I found a great shame. I think being alone and undisturbed with a good book is one of life's greatest pleasures.

As an adult, I don't enjoy listening to audiobooks, because I feel there is something about the filtering effect of a book being read aloud that takes away the impact of the written word, and your connection (or not ) with the author.

So, OP I think you are definitely NBU.

newgirl · 19/02/2009 16:47

when i read op I thought - how reasonable

i am amazed how many of you are reading to 10 year old and beyond - i have 6 year old and thought she would not be remotely interested in my voice by then

I think thats because I find other people reading too slow and id rather read myself. But I will keep an open mind and if dds 1 and 2 want to me carry on I will give it a go

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 19/02/2009 16:52

I think it depends on the individual though newgirl. I will freely admit to hating being read aloud to myself (to the point where I tell DH off if he starts to read something aloud from the paper to me) but my children all LOVE being read to. So to me, it is up to them to say when I should stop, not up to me.

shirleyfgirley · 19/02/2009 16:53

10 sounds about right for letting go a bit with a book at bedtime which i feel is more for little ones. my boys moved on to tapes at bedtime and got in to their own choice of paperbacks, but not before we had had a one-on-one bedtime cuddle and a chat if they were in the mood.

catMandu · 19/02/2009 18:18

I don't read bedtime stories to my dc's and haven't done for about a year - they are 6,7 & 9. I do still read to them and try to pick a book that they'll all enjoy, but this could be in the afternoon or sometimes bedtime, not daily.

I've got to admit that I've been feeling guilty about this for a while and this thread had made me feel mega guilty . So, new regime starts on Monday I'll go back to bedtime stories.

MrsFreud · 19/02/2009 18:28

YANBU although if this is the ONLY time you see your kids though (working say) then I can understand you wanting more quality time as it were!

10 is way old enough to read to themselves. otherwise it is too slow if you read aloud compared to him reading himself. My ds started to read himself to sleep at 8 years...am encouraging younger dd to do the same!

VanillaPumpkin · 19/02/2009 18:29

I am so glad I read this thread. I read the OP and thought you were being perfectly reasonable. I have to say I hadn't imagined I would be reading to my dd's when they were 10 (they are 5 and 3 now).
They are read to every night at the moment by DH or I and I do love it, as do they. (The only 'punishment' that seems to have any impact on dd1's behaviour is losing a bed time story - but that is another issue )
So I will keep it up and look forward to re-visiting some of my old faves .

seeker · 19/02/2009 18:33

Mine are 13 and 8 and share a story sometimes. I read to dd until she was 11 and asked if she could read to herself instead, but she still sometimes asks for a story. And when we go camping one of the things we always do is find a book we'll all enjoy and take turns reading it. Go, it makes us sound like The Waltons, doesn't it?

I really think it should be the child who chooses when to stop being read to. Can't you read to the little ones then read to him?

Original poster

bunjies · 19/02/2009 19:47

Sorry for going AWOL - didn't realise there had been any more replies!

TBH one of the reasons we stopped is because as another poster said he just didn't seem to be all that interested in listening to the stories any more. He would much rather play chess or guess who or chat which is absolutely fine with us. I think for him it is all about the one on one time. It also means that at 8.30pm he goes off to bed to reads to himself while we actually have some evening for ourselves.

OP posts:

techpep · 19/02/2009 19:51

My dp mother babysat for us a couple of months ago and told our 7 year old that she was too old to have a story ...unbelievable. I will continue with bedtime stories until my dc dont want them, i can remember laying on the sofa next to my mum when i was about 15 and asking her to read whatever she was reading out loud, wheres the harm????

techpep · 19/02/2009 19:54

How about listening to him for the same amount of time as dd but then leaving him to read alone for 20 minutes??

OrmIrian · 19/02/2009 20:04

When we went camping in May the poor things were so cold and miserable they wanted me to read to them. Had no childrens books so read some of the Theif OF time by Terry Pratchett. They were in fits -"Wanna BIKKIT!"

pointydog · 19/02/2009 20:09

Og course YANBU.

You have a finite amount of time and no matter how truly joyous the act of reading is, no one really wants to spend an hour every sodding night reading out loud.

He's 10. Let him do what he wants at bedtime.

pointydog · 19/02/2009 20:11

You can buy story cds, you know

becklespeckle · 20/02/2009 00:08

I stopped reading to my DSs (8.5 & 6) nightly about 7 months ago when DD (13m) got too mobile and started trying to eat every small thing in their room and the book too.

Trouble is that DH is not a great help at bedtime, sometimes not even here, and the boys go to bed first and then I get DD ready and she goes 20-30 mins later.

I do feel huge guilt miss reading to them although it was starting to get difficult to find a book they both wanted as DS1 likes stories and DS2 likes picture books still.

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