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Original poster

to have stopped reading my 10 year old son bedtime stories?

106 replies

bunjies · 17/02/2009 18:04

Ds turned 10 last month and we told him that as he is now a very proficient reader he would no longer get a bedtime story/chapter after we'd finished the book we were on (Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire). We have 2 younger daughters and we feel it is their turn now. Ds took it well and accepted we have a limited amount of time in the evenings and acknowledges his stories take up a much larger chunk of time than the girls'. He now gets to read in bed for half an hour so his bedtime is now between 9/10pm depending on whether it's the weekend. MIL, on hearing it, thinks we're being mean yet didn't say much when dh reminded her she didn't read to him at that age! What do you think? Are we being unreasonable?

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 20/02/2009 01:09

I don't think you are being unreasonable per se, but I do think it's a bit sad. You said he was upset about it at first but understands, I think sometimes we expect the oldest ones to understand a bit too often (mind you, I'm the eldest and could be projecting a little bit here!! ). If I were you I would continue to read to him for as long as he would let me, I know when you are in the middle of it all that it's hard to remember how fast they grow up, but one day none of them will be wanting you to read to them anymore then you'll probably be sorry you stopped before they begged asked you to. I'm sure with a bit of re-organisation you could fit them all in! Even if you have one book you save for your time together and only do 20 mins a night, or half an hour 3x a weel - something, anything... then he reads another book by himself?!

I know when I was very little that my parents did read to me. I could read and write before I went to school, so clearly they weren't any slouches in that way! LOL However, I don't remember them reading to me, so they must have stopped when I was old enough to do it myself (around 6/7 I'm guessing - must ask them!), but I had an Aunty who would read to me and I remember those stories to this day. She died when I was 13 (very suddenly) so I guess it makes those memories even more special.

An ex DP and I used to read to each other in bed and it was nice

pointydog · 20/02/2009 10:02

What guilt-ridden martyrs some of you are.

OrmIrian · 20/02/2009 10:05

Not if you enjoy it pointy. I love reading to my DCs. Love it! I always have but the older they get the better it because I can leave chuffing Roahl Dahl behind and read real books.

And TBH it's one of the few good mummy things I do. My DC are usually scruffy, chaotic and eat dubious food, but at least I read to them. They may grow up into malodorous adults with rotten teeth but at least they will be well-read

pointydog · 20/02/2009 10:11

Of course not if you enjoy it, orm. But the op finds herself spending a large chunk of her evening reading to a 10 year old, with two other younger children wanting stories too.

And she feels guilty!

Some of the replies are rather bizarre and guilt-inducing.

He's 10. It's perfectly ok not to read to him if there's no time. People should stop beating themselves up about tiny tiny things.

Longtalljosie · 20/02/2009 15:39

I have been thinking about your post... When I was a kid, once I could read properly on my own, bedtime had reading by myself built in (so bedtime was half-past-eight-read-til-nine). My sister was still getting stories read.

For me, it was just presented as a "big girl" thing and I liked it. I think actually it's a positive thing to get your ds into a place where he reads to himself every day. Some people never get into reading in a big way and I think that's a shame. Particularly if he's got a younger sibling he won't get that sort of quiet reading time all that often...

Oovavu · 20/02/2009 16:34

There seems to still be an idea that this argument is an 'all or nothing' one, when clearly there are compromises that can be reached... Yes I would agree that reading to all 3 dcs every night with two different texts would be hugely time-consuming and tiring for the op and her dp.

It would still help the op's ds with his own reading and the connection that he gets from 'silent' reading if he continues to do this most nights whilst his sisters are read aloud to, but some element of being read to would presumably still be possible if it's, say, once or twice a week (and not necessarily at bedtime).

Some friends of ours read to their ds until he was about 15 which was in addition to his own reading and he says now (he's 18) that he loved the idea that his dad was reading 'adult-themed' books to him that made him feel more grown-up and far from patronised.

FairLadyRantALot · 20/02/2009 16:46

Why would you read to a child that can read fluent?
I am pretty sure that by age 10 I would have lolled at anyone suggestiong to read me a story...

MrsBartlet · 20/02/2009 17:02

If you read with a 10 year old you can read things that would be beyond their understanding if they were reading by themselves. Yes they may understand the words but would they get the ideas and concepts behind everything? We read to dd who is nearly 12 every night (and also ds who is 8 - dh and I alternate which one we read to each night) and then they both go and read to themselves in bed. They are both very good readers for their ages but sharing books is about so much more than the mechanics of reading. It opens up experiences to them beyond what they will ever experience in their lives allowing them to empathis with others and develop and mature. We sometimes get exasperated trying tp read to dd becuase she interrupts every other sentence with something she wants to discuss about it. But really this is great as it means we talk about all sorts of things which just wouldn't come up in normal conversation.

MrsBartlet · 20/02/2009 17:06

Sorry about the typos

FairLadyRantALot · 20/02/2009 17:14

MrsBartlet....now that would piss me off...I hate being interupted when reading...

And tbh, surely reading isn't the only media that you can use for discussion....I find watching TV together can do the same...

MrsBartlet · 20/02/2009 18:20

Agree with you that TV can provoke discussion too but I love snuggling up with the dcs at the end of the day and sharing a good book.

Litchick · 20/02/2009 18:22

Mrs Bartlet - that's exactly what we do.
The DCs can choose whatever gubbins they like to read for themselves but I get to choose what I read which is often a classic.
Black Beauty, Tom Sawyer, Goodnight Mr Tom, etc.
They love it, I love it.
Telling stories orally is as old as time and part of how many cultures pass down their history.
As an author myself I find that adults still constantly turn up to 'READINGS'.

Oovavu · 21/02/2009 08:51

well, all the studies support the idea that the better reader you are the better writer you become, so maybe that would have helped your writing too FairLadyRantALot, in your spelling of 'interrupted' and use of the phrase 'read more fluent'

twentypence · 21/02/2009 09:02

We no longer read to ds every night. Sometimes he prefers to have extra private reading time. But he also goes through phases when he wants to be read to. If there are 2 copies of the same much loved book in the library we will get out both and one will be the narrator - and any other adult in the house will divide up the rest of the parts. Sort of like a radio play. It's fun and you have to concentrate. You can also develop your silly voices.

We always read the first few chapters of a new book or series of books, but once he knows who everyone is he prefers to read himself.

So I'm not an every night person - more as and when he needs and wants it. Sometimes we will sit in the living room all reading our own books.

Would your ds read to your other children?

Original poster
bunjies · 21/02/2009 10:06

Twentypence - as a matter of fact he does read to his sisters but in French! This is not as poncy as it sounds. We live in France and when the kids get to take books home from school they're usually too advanced for me to read properly. So ds steps in and does it instead.

OP posts:
FairLadyRantALot · 21/02/2009 18:01

oh you are a laugh a minute Oovavu...aren't you....

Oh, and by the way I am german, so, english is my second language....what do you say to that....

2rebecca · 21/02/2009 18:32

I still read my 12 year old son stories. My daughter at 10 though is a more confident reader and prefers to read herself. Son is a bit dyslexic and loves being read to. I think if he's still wanting bedtime stories at 15 I'll be worried but 10 isn't even secondary school yet. I think keeping boys interested in literature is important as they're less inclined to read than girls and often have poorer literacy skills. If you are able to read to him as well I'd keep doing it if he wants it.

twentypence · 21/02/2009 18:45

That's lovely about the reading in French. I do think that the fact that he doesn't have a class teacher reading to him in English would extend the amount of time that I would read to him at night.

You say it is his sisters turn or words to that effect - but after all they also have him reading to them. Something he didn't get.

Oovavu · 21/02/2009 21:57

FairLady - it explains why you come across as fairly abrupt and also why I thought you would take the joke...

emkana · 21/02/2009 22:15

Ja siehste fairlady da hast Du's wieder wir Deutschen haben einfach keinen Sinn fuer Humor nicht wahr...

Oovavu · 21/02/2009 22:21

Abfall! Ich kenne it' Stereotyp S.-A. Ich war gerade sagend sie schien, wie sie ihn nehmen könnte

(apols for crappy syntax) Just goes to show certain things don't translate. My intentions were misunderstood

emkana · 21/02/2009 22:37

oovavu, is that bit something you translated via Babelfish? It doesn't make any sense I'm afraid.

Oovavu · 21/02/2009 23:15

lol yes, caught red-handed .

Was sposed to say that my comments was nothing to do with the stereotype about Germans and humour; it was more that FairLady came across as abrupt in her posts (which would fit in with english as 2nd lang) so I didn't think she'd mind an abrupt-sounding comment back.

nooka · 22/02/2009 00:08

dh and I take turns to read to my two (9 and 8). Currently we are reading The Book of the Banshee by Anne Fine, and My Friend Flicka by Mary O'Hara. dh does a lovely American accent, and I love to listen. I am more motivated by sharing books that I really enjoy with the children, and stretching their choice of reading material. It is also a special time for me as I have them snuggled in my bed, so that's very nice. However ds can get very wriggly if he isn't engaged with the book we are reading, and that annoys me no end. Is it possible that your ds is just not really enjoying the Goblet of Fire? Personally I found the Harry Potters from number four on got very padded, and I would have hated to be read them (no skim reading possible!)

FairLadyRantALot · 22/02/2009 12:17

wow you are making quick judgements...I have posted about 3 times on this thread, and you can tell that I have a humour bypass and am brupt...I re-read my posts and no I don't think they were that abrupt, I jsut kept it short, which is unusual!

But you on the other hand were a bit rude, by being pedantic in the way you were...hinting that I wa slacking somehting because I misspelled something and because the structure of one sentence wasn't right or whatever....and see that is the one thing that can really piss me off on mumsnet...that people feel the need to belittle others in such way....believe me, when I write Essays etc...than I tend to actually get it right and I will re-read etc...but life is to short imo to do that when I am posting on a thread....

Fair enough you meant it in humour, but that did not come across, indeed you came across as abrupt yourself.

Oh disclaimer: There may be spelling mistakes in the above text, this does not reflect the posters intelligents

Lol Emkana...wir Deutschen verstehen halt keinen Humor......