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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that women should be able to talk about something other than housework/family?

52 replies

fairywave · 17/02/2009 08:58

Maybe it's just me but I ended up out with a small group of women, a couple of whom I hadn't met before. For about an hour or two, most of the conversation revolved around housework, parenting, husbands, etc. Don't get me wrong, I like to talk about all these things too, but not on a night out! I could honestly feel my eyes glazing over. Am I just weird to want to talk about politics, music, books - anything other than housework!

OP posts:
LouIsAHappyLittleVegemite · 17/02/2009 09:01

No no I have to agree. Although as a nanny I find that other nannies can only talk about the same thing. I mentioned what was happening in regards to a current affairs topic the other day and I got blank stares and the conversation reverted back to poo. I know its good to chat about the topics above but I would like to discuss something other then poo, vomit and wee once in a while.

ThePregnantHedgeWitch · 17/02/2009 09:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Fairynufff · 17/02/2009 09:03

From one fairy to another I'm with you. I remember mentioning a news item (something about the media) at a mums + toddler group once and the whole place went silent. The tumbleweed blew past for a second and then everyone just got back on with what they were doing. Nobody replied!

Lindenlass · 17/02/2009 09:04

Yes - my friends and I have an un-said kind of rule - talk shop during the day, but when we meet up as 'grown ups' in the evening then no talking shop at all

Longo · 17/02/2009 09:06

I agree, i made some friend with some mums from a baby group as had no friends with babies and felt quite isolated!
It is nice to have other women to chat to and ask advice but would a chat about the current state of the economy or what is going on in Iraq, sad I know! I'm lucky that i have non baby friends who are willing to chat about things other than poo!!

Gateau · 17/02/2009 09:09

I remeber one Mum telling me last year before I went on a night out with my DH's work colleagues(when DS was only four months old)that I would have nothing to talk about but the baby . Yes, I was sceptical about the comment then and thought it was pathetic.
Well, I went out and had a whale of a time talking to a woman who had no children and didn't want to have any. And the subject of children bbarely came up. So refreshing and confidence-building that it was still ME underneath it all. Of course this may have happened whether she was a Mum or not. I like to think I'm the same old ME, whoever I'm with.
Maybe the answer is to go out with women who don;t have children, but having said that, not all mothers have the dull, one-track mind you describe. I know quite a few who don't, but loads who do

KingRolo · 17/02/2009 09:15

Talking about family is usually OK but I can't imagine having any kind of conversation about housework - dull, dull, dull.

Lizzylou · 17/02/2009 09:19

I wouldn't talk about housework, as I barely do any.
On nights out I don't think we ever really talk about the DC that much, prob a bit, but it's interspersed with the usual topics: Sex, men, money, house prices, clothes, news, books, music, sex.

Tigurr · 17/02/2009 09:23

To be fair, though, the first time you meet other people (and you say in the OP it was the first time with at least some of them) sometimes it's easier to stick to "safe" topics like children, housework (if you're a SAHM), that kind of thing... rather than launching into some big deep conversation about the situation in the Sudan, kwim?

vess · 17/02/2009 09:23

Talking about housework? Why? It's bad enough having to do it!

princessmel · 17/02/2009 09:26

I was going to say what Tigurr said. Maybe they stuck to those topics because you had only just met them...?

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 17/02/2009 09:31

I could talk the hind leg off a donkey on any topic

I only really talk about my DD to people who know her, same goes for DH, I would only talk about him with somebody who knows him, mostly because I hate starting sentences with "My daughter" and "My husband".

I never talk about housework because I dont do any, but I will talk about how my new kitchen is coming along etc, with friends who know that I was living with gaping holes in walls from our work in the kitchen.

DaddyJ · 17/02/2009 09:32

Agree with Tigurr.
You start slowly with safe topics,
then graduate to meaty ones..

Even more so when it comes to group conversations.

If you get really bored just throw in a casual 'so..anyone enjoyed a spot of bumlove recently?'
Let us know how it goes!
(conversation not bumming)

TiggyR · 17/02/2009 09:43

Some people are just really dull, and if their lives revolve around the home and family that's what they'll talk about. Equally some men only ever talk about work and are social cripples.
I love my friends but I do sometimes cry out for something a bit more cerebral to discuss with them. I've tried but some of them get an odd expression on their faces. That's why I come to places like this. Always something meaty to get stuck into. It's just a shame that so many people are incapable of vigorous grown-up debate without taking it personally and getting really arsey. (back to bumlove again!)

spokette · 17/02/2009 09:53

I get bored by men who talk constantly about football.
I get bored by women who talk constantly about their sales targets.
I get bored by men who talk about their latest electronic gizmo.
I get bored by women who talk constantly about latest shoes/handbag.
I get bored by people who harp on constantly about how much they drank at the weekend.
I get bored by anyone who think it is the responsibility of others to insitigate interesting conversation.

So IMHO, OP, YABU if you did nothing to change the topic of conversation. If you did try to change it but to no avail, then YANBU.

Kitstelsmum · 17/02/2009 09:53

I so agree Fairywave! I went to a party from hell recently where the only topic of conversation amongst the women was how often they iron your husband's shirts and how often they clean the bathroom in the spare room!! I was sitting there literally with my jaw dropping....

Kitstelsmum · 17/02/2009 09:55

I meant THEIR husbands' shirt's, not yours (that really would be weird!)

nigglewiggle · 17/02/2009 09:57

Kitstel -

Never and rarely

How long did the party last

Kitstelsmum · 17/02/2009 10:10

Yep, me too! Not sure how long the party lasted, I made an excuse and left after an hour or so....

MrsMattie · 17/02/2009 10:12

I only have one friend/acquaintance who bores on about the kids and house. The other mum friends I've got aren't like that - we have a good chinwag about the kids, yes, but we also have multiple other mutual interests. Most of my friends don't have kids (yet!), actually, so it's not a problem.

Nobody I know cares about ironing

LucyEllensmummy · 17/02/2009 10:59

fairy - I tend to do this, whenever the conversation dries up i end up going on about my DD or DP, its because we all have this in common. The best thing to do is smother the evening in plenty of alcohol - i had a great night with a group of mums once - we were all pissed so all talk of kids went straight out of the window - it was a really good night. The next time we met we were sober and talking about fecking nappies again!

Original poster
fairywave · 17/02/2009 11:24

Lol at some of the replies here. I'm very glad I'm not the only one but I suppose it is true that I didn't know them very well, so perhaps that's why the conversation stayed on family lines.
Kitstelsmum, I'm having a vision here of loads of women ironing my DH's shirts. Course, he'd be very happy with that arrangement I'm sure
Lizzylou and Vess, agree re housework - hate doing it and definitely don't want to talk about it!

OP posts:
TiggyR · 17/02/2009 20:10

I agree, LEM, if it's drinks party small talk it's a fair bet that you will have those things in common. It's a bit weird to go in with 'So, I have a lifelong fascination with paganism and knitting, my brother has schizophrenia, I once went trekking in the Andes, and I vote Lib Dem. Now tell me about yourself.'

People will think you are a deranged speed dater.

KingCanuteIAm · 17/02/2009 20:19

I get BORED of women telling other women what they should or should not BE ABLE to talk about

Who told you they were not able to talk about other things? Who made you Cheif of "what should be discussed at parties" how do you know they were not avoiding politics because one of the woman was a staunch Obama hater and the others did not want their night out ruined by a fight.

If they are happy to discuss parenting etc then who the hell are YOU to decide that makes them in any way incapable? If you want to discuss politics (yawn) then go and find yourself a group who want that too - it is simple really - make friends with people like you

Original poster
fairywave · 18/02/2009 10:03

Hmmm, have I touched a nerve KingCanute?
I was just expressing an opinion and and I have lots of friends like me - I just find it odd that conversation has to revolve around parenting/houswork - there are lots of other things in life.

OP posts: