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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel sorry for the 15 year old mum?

122 replies

SweatyArseCrack · 16/02/2009 14:07

I know there is already a thread going about this but I've just been reading a story about all these other boys coming forward saying that they slept with her. One boy is quoted as saying "She kept asking me out but I didn't want to because I thought she was ugly but I did sleep with her" etc etc...

Not only is it now all over the papers that she's had a baby at 15, the entire nation knows that she allegedly slept around, had sex with what looks like an 8 year old and she will probably read at some point that the lads thought she ws ugly but slept with her anyway.

I can't imagine what this must be doing to her. Her confidence was already low to start with but she's nothing more than a freak show now.

The young lad has the baby face which just makes everyone think "awww" whereas she is totally demonised and dragged through the mud. And she's only 15.

OP posts:

CoteDAzur · 16/02/2009 17:49

The funniest is that you seem to think left wingers think 15 year olds are all children

themildmanneredjanitor · 16/02/2009 17:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CharleeheartsherChains · 16/02/2009 17:50

I think every person is different, some teens may be to immiture to cope and end up claiming benifits is a council falt for the rest of thier lives but some might want to prove the stereotype wrong and get an education and a job and support them selves, some may decide to run off and join the bloody circus, everyone is different, not everyone falls ito this solid stereotyped box.

This girl in question might go on to be the same as her family, exploit herself and her baby and the fater for all the money she can make or she could decide to go back to school or collage and get an education.

None of you know her so none of you have the right to judge her.

CoteDAzur · 16/02/2009 17:55

She is a teenager who is obviously beyond puberty. Therefore, not a child.

themildmanneredjanitor · 16/02/2009 17:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scarletlilybug · 16/02/2009 18:38

FFS, are we still debating the meaning of "child"?

A 15 year old has not reached their legal majority - therefore, a 15 year old is a child.

A 15 year old is not old enough to leave home, to leave school, to vote, to smoke, to drink alcohol, to drive a car, to have sex. At 15, you are still a child.

Being a teenager and a being a child are not, IMO, mutually exclusive.

scarletlilybug · 16/02/2009 18:41

A few centuries ago, life expectancy was 30 - 40 years of age. So then it made sense for 14 and 15 year olds to marry and procreate. By today's standards, 14 and 15 year olds are children.

A century ago, 6 and 7 year olds were working in mills and factories. Were they not children?

Katiestar · 16/02/2009 18:43

A 15 yo girl is much more mature than a boy of 13. What of the fact that she has corrupted these young boys ?

mshadowsisfab · 16/02/2009 18:55

CoteDAzur your wrong

piscesmoon · 16/02/2009 19:02

I find it rather strange that we have whole threads on here about 14yr olds whose parents won't let them take public transport into their nearest town on their own on a Saturday afternoon and yet 15 is deemed by many to be no longer a child! I think there needs to be a happy medium between the two.

I would say that even if a 15 yr old thinks they are mature-when they look back they can see that they weren't-as very honestly commented on by themildmanneredjanitor. Both 'children' have been failed by their parents and the poor baby is already being failed, after only a few days of life.

mshadowsisfab · 16/02/2009 19:04

i alwasys wonder how old the perons own children are, whne they insist a teen is not a child.

MrsMattie · 16/02/2009 19:07

15 yrs old. It's so very young. I thought I was a woman at that age. I was sexually active and living the life of a much older person. I am now 31 and see clearly that no matter what I thought or did, I was a child. End of.

I find it sad that the papers are even printing this stuff.

PortofinoLovesItUpTheOxoTower · 16/02/2009 19:11

I think it depends. Boys at 15 tend to be more immature than girls. At 15, I was definitely not a child! Innocent (ish), naive, maybe. But not a child. I was fully aware about sex, babies, contraception etc etc and was definitely experimenting with things of a sexual nature.

There were girls in my class who weren't as worldly wise maybe, but they certainly WEREN'T the ones shagging boys!

This whole thing stinks! To me, the girl got caught out. It happens and is unfortunate. She's not evil and obviously hasn't had the advantage of a "decent" upbring. The parents, on both sides, on the other hand, are just truly awful!

blinks · 16/02/2009 19:26

i reckon they all know it's not foetus-boy's baby and are just trying to make some dough due to the shockability factor.

lilstarry1 · 16/02/2009 19:30

I know lots of things have been said since I made my post, but I wanted to say - what could she have done? How about not been photographed or interviewed by the media? Am I being naive - there were pictures of her in hospital. I appreciate she's "only 15" but she could have told the papers "no thanks". It doesn't matter who sold the story she clearly consented to have them come and take pictures of her and her baby..which to me confirms my original statement that she is putting herself first.

I was sexually active at 15, and would have smacked anyone (mentally, not physically) for describing me as a child! I would have deemed you patronising and arrogant! I am 24 now and still feel like people patronise me for my age.

I was also abused, not every "victim" of abuse goes on to use sex as a means of validation, I sought counselling and help, because I had a strong mother, lots of love and a few people to keep me on a sensible path. The young woman in question clearly doesn't have that - which again reiterates my original point that it's not fair to blame her singularly, she has been failed by many people and the icing on the cake is we live in a society where people feel they get to have a say on it and argue over what type of mother she'll be.

SweetAudrina · 16/02/2009 19:30

Imagine if things were slightly different and it was a 15 year old boy (who looked 15 or older) who had shagged a little girl ... apparantly 13 but looked more like an 8 year old girl .... NOBODY would be feeling sorry for him!

Such double standards. The lass is either a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic or a complete pervert.

expatinscotland · 16/02/2009 19:55

Point taken, Audrina, and I daresay you're probably right. I wonder if there'd be so much 'he's a only a vulnerable child' bandied about if the roles were reversed.

WinkyWinkola · 16/02/2009 20:05

But can't we ever feel sorry for both?

oxocube · 16/02/2009 20:13

A colleague of mine used to teach young girls at home (maths). She said most of these girls had been forced to leave school because they were pregnant at about 14 or 15. Her job, as she descibed it, was a mixture of teacher/parent/social worker and she said that in 95% of cases, the girls concerned had looked to sex as a replacement for love and affection which they lacked at home. I feel incredibly sorry for all the children concerned in this horrible story.

mamadiva · 16/02/2009 20:42

Why is it that everyone is aww poor alfie?

It takes 2 to make a baby not just 1. I think people need to realise the stress that girl is being put through now especially with all the crap from these 2 boys who are just looking tocash in one way or another. I think in a way those 2 bother me more than the whole story TBH not one of them hasstood up and said 'look that little girl could be my daughter she's not a money maker, so ntil we prove otherwise keep her out of the spotlight' it's more a case of 'oh check it they are making a fortune give me some of that' if I'm honestI think the only people who are actually looking after these kids is her mum and dad.

Yes they could have said no to the media but can you honestly say hand on heart that at 13/15 you would not have jumped atthe chance to make a bit of money not realising the harm because fact is it was the adults who would have had to approve the media and those 2 were probably told 'Oh you should go for it make a bit of money for yourseves and give the weeone a good start put some money aside for her' of course this may not be the case but I know at their age I would've fallen for that.

And FWIW I have been with my partner since we were 14 and I had a miscarriage at the age of 14 too, thank god I never came on here for support the shit I would have gotten thrown at e would've drove me over the edge.

mamadiva · 16/02/2009 20:44

*I meant the only people actually looking after that kid is her mum and dad as in Maisie.

solidgoldbullet4myvalentine · 16/02/2009 20:52

No 15 year old is going to be mature enough to grasp that being in the papers over something like this will be disastrous. People in their 20s are often not level-headed enough to turn down media exposure when large sums of money are being offered. I think the papers have all acted very irresponsibly here.

beanieb · 16/02/2009 21:12

I don't think her sexual activity provides any evidence or reason to believe that she has been the victim of sexual abuse, there are plenty of young kids having sex. It's probably a lack of self-worth and education that has led to this, for both of them.

At 15 I was certainly mature enough and educated enough to understand how crap papers like the Sun are and even if I had been sexually active at that age I would have known to steer clear of these kinds of 'journalists'.

CharleeheartsherChains · 16/02/2009 21:15

Again i will say, i don't think you can say either a definate yes or no as to wether a 15yr old is a child or not, every 15yr old is different, when was 15 i had a job, i moved from home and was sleeping with my boyfriend who i had been with for a year, i looked after every aspect of my life including contraception, i took myself off to get a MAP after a condom split all this was with the social services blessing. However some girls i was at school with were still quite immature and some were what was called 'normal' it all depends on the person not the age!

CharleeheartsherChains · 16/02/2009 21:16

I was also offered alot of money for some 'media attention' at 15 i said point blank no.

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