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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think someone should have rushed to help DS??

81 replies

sally78 · 15/02/2009 20:36

My DS is here they are everywhere but quite small still. We were at a baby group today and he was happily playing. I crossed the room to get his lunch and as I turned back to get him I saw him summersalt over a piece of furniture and fall on the floor! Lots of mums were sitting right next to him but not one moved they just looked and gasped!

I ran like the wind, he was very still for a few seconds, then let out a massive scream I felt terrible!!!!!!!!

I was upset that nobody got up, I was only about 6secs run away but it felt like forever whilst they just sat their drinking tea!

OP posts:
Thunderduck · 15/02/2009 20:40

A lot of people aren't comfortable with picking up or even touching another parent's child as they aren't sure how the parent will react.

Original poster
sally78 · 15/02/2009 20:41

GOSH what has this world come too if thats true........I hope their child never needs real help!

OP posts:
LuckySalem · 15/02/2009 20:42

Sally - For what its worth if I didn't know you well enough I would have just called you as like TD says parents react badly sometimes.

However also remember that maybe they were too shocked to move as quick as you did. It can take people a few secs to grasp what has happened in a few situations.

I know my babyclub group people and always help their kids but I wouldn't to begin with as you never know what people are thinking.

Hawkmoth · 15/02/2009 20:42

It would probably take me longer than six seconds to get my breath back from the shock!

Hope he's alright.

Horrible feeling.

Thunderduck · 15/02/2009 20:43

It is true. Some people practically freak out if someone dares to glance at their child.

thisisyesterday · 15/02/2009 20:43

if you were only a few seconds away then tbh it didn't really matter did it??
prob one of those things where when you see it you'r elike OMG, THEN you think i'll pick him up but by the time you've put your tea/baby down the mum is already there.

scifinerd · 15/02/2009 20:43

Do you think they did not move from shock, sometimes total surprise delays my reaction for a few seconds. But I would always rush to a hurt person

MrsMattie · 15/02/2009 20:44

I don't by this 'people don't feel comfortable' bollarks. What a cop out! I would have rushed over to your DS in a flash, so would my DH. I think about helping a small child before I think about what people might think.

Thunderduck · 15/02/2009 20:46

It is true. I've read on here of parents who'd freak out if someone laid a finger on their child, even if the person is offering help or preventing them from running into a source of danger.

And as people have mentioned shock is also a factor.

KingCanuteIAm · 15/02/2009 20:47

It is awful, but just imagine how your ds would have felt to have that shock and then the shock of someone he didn't know picking him up nad trying to cuddle him. For most children it would have been the absolute worst thing to do.

In 6 seconds they were not drinking tea, it is inot enough time. THey were just as shocked as you and wondering what to do. I would have looked around to check where you were and (seeing you were so close) left him for you to pick up precisly because I would be scared to make things even worse for him.

I know it feels awful but I don't think they did anything wrong.
Hope he is ok too.

southeastastra · 15/02/2009 20:47

when they fall though they only really want their mums

ellingwoman · 15/02/2009 20:48

It usually takes a couple of seconds for everyone to realise that no one else has leapt up. By then they realise that mum is on the way. If you hadn't have been, I'm sure someone would've helped him up - don't worry!

LuckySalem · 15/02/2009 20:48

MrsM - The problem is that sometimes people do react strangly and until you know they aren't going to lash out/shout at you for picking up their child it is hard not to hold yourself back.

DP and me helped a child not long ago in a shopping centre who had lost their parents - DP stayed with the child while I went to the announcers (not sure exactly what they are called) to tell them childs name and ask them to put call out for them.
Parents found their child with DP and accused him of trying to take him. I got there just as the dad was squaring up - Funnily enough as soon as they saw me and DD with him they backed down and couldn't apologise/thank us enough. Was still with them.

I know this is different to what the OP has said but I think this is what makes me wary.

Original poster
sally78 · 15/02/2009 20:48

Thank-you MrsMattie! I would too - I wouldn't think anything else! I am really shocked by the idea that anyone wouldn't help a child! Has the world gone mad!

Just for the record nobody asked afterwards if he was ok either, possible as I left rather quickly but still.

I dread to think what anyone would do then in a serious situation......

OP posts:
staryeyed · 15/02/2009 20:51

I picked up a little toddler once at mum and baby group, after he had fell of a bike and hurt himself- his mum was in other room. I took him to her and she just gave me a dirty look like I was crazy. Not nice, but I think I would still do the same.

Original poster
sally78 · 15/02/2009 20:52

Luckysalem I have to say (blushing now) I would have sent DH to the annouchers and left lost child with me and my DS.........terrible really or maybe just the mothering thing......

OP posts:
bodiddly · 15/02/2009 20:53

its not just children that this happens with ... my step father falls over a lot as he is very frail and has alzheimers ... my mum is constantly having to call out to people to ask for help to get him up off the ground in the street, the supermarket etc. people just walk past! I am totally shocked!

MrsGravy · 15/02/2009 20:55

Well if you were seconds away and rushing over then I wouldn't have picked him up unless I was stood right by him. Not because I'm a heartless bitch. Or because I'd be scared of being accused of something awful. But simply because a child in pain wants their mother, if the mother's not very near then obviously someone else should step in, but you WERE very near.

TBH, if you'd have picked my son up in that situation neither of us would have thanked you for it. Well I would have as I would have acknowledged the intention but he's very nervous of people he doesn't know very well, he'd have been even more upset by someone else picking him up and trying to comfort him.

Dillydaydreamer · 15/02/2009 20:55

YANBU! How bloody awful, I would have leapt up no matter whose child it was!

LuckySalem · 15/02/2009 20:56

Sally - If it had been serious and you weren't there EVERYONE would have helped him (scared of you or not)

Oh and we decided from then on that we would ALWAYS send DP to announcers if we found another child like that! lol

thisisyesterday · 15/02/2009 20:58

but the op says she rushed straight over to him. no-one else would have had a chance to put their tea down and get him.;

jeez.

is he your first by any chance?

MrsGravy · 15/02/2009 20:58

I dread to think what anyone would do then in a serious situation......

But it wasn't a serious situation was it? If the same scenario had occurred and he'd (god forbid) been concussed or whatever, then I'm sure they'd have offered plenty of help.

Thunderduck · 15/02/2009 21:01

I remember reading on another parenting forum once about a mother who complained that a passer by had grabbed her toddler, when said toddler had bolted out of the store and across a very busy road.

Apparently the passer by should have stood there and pointed out to the mother where her ds had gone.

gasman · 15/02/2009 21:03

I found one of the neighbours kids wandering in the street one day so returned him to the house. He was only about 3 and was merrily wandering down the road. They have an enclosed backgarden but he had escaped out of the front door.

His Mother yelled at me when she came to the door (Out of shock I think) Howewver, this episode has certainly put me off helping other people again.

CuddlyKelpie · 15/02/2009 21:03

I once saw a child fall and moved as fast as I could to pick the child up. The child, who was dry eyed to that point took one look at me and started screaming(And I'm not even that scary to look at). I received no acknowlegement or thanks from his mother.

I would think twice before acting again and probably wouldn't, mainly because I wouldn't want to make it worse for the little one but the snub from the mother was a little uncomfortable.

It is a bloody minefield.

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