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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think someone should have rushed to help DS??

81 replies

sally78 · 15/02/2009 20:36

My DS is here they are everywhere but quite small still. We were at a baby group today and he was happily playing. I crossed the room to get his lunch and as I turned back to get him I saw him summersalt over a piece of furniture and fall on the floor! Lots of mums were sitting right next to him but not one moved they just looked and gasped!

I ran like the wind, he was very still for a few seconds, then let out a massive scream I felt terrible!!!!!!!!

I was upset that nobody got up, I was only about 6secs run away but it felt like forever whilst they just sat their drinking tea!

OP posts:

AitchTwoOh · 15/02/2009 22:09

i genuinely think that suspicious looks are in the eye of the beholder. as for grabbing a child... well, that parent was not gracious but perhaps it was panic speaking?

KingCanuteIAm · 15/02/2009 22:11

I didn't say I wouldn't help a lost or hurt child, I just wouldn't have in this case. The op was just across the room, she made it clear she saw what happened by shouting... I don't see that there would have been any need to interfere and scare the poor child more. I agree with the PFB comments.

As for a child with no parent around (lost or hurt) of course I would help - although I would aslo make sure I didn't leave said lost/hurt child with a bloke because I would be aware that the situation above can and does happen all too often.

muffle · 15/02/2009 22:13

Well possibly Aitch.

But if the roles were reversed I would be falling over with gratefulness and probably in floods of tears, so that's all I've got to compare it to. Panic doesn't have to make you abusive - it would just make me hyperventilate and cry.

muffle · 15/02/2009 22:14

And yes it's true I've now started talking about a slightly different situation - but yes I do also comfort children who have just hurt themselves with parent in the room.

AitchTwoOh · 15/02/2009 22:22

i once saved a wee kid from choking. his mother did not thank me, in fact she seemed a bit cross that i'd picked him up and yoinked him rather. i am SURE that was because of her panic, rather than the breakdown of society as we know it.

fishie · 15/02/2009 22:25

panic and guilt

muffle · 15/02/2009 22:26

There you go then! Shitty looks/seemed cross/whatever - eye of the beholder, or panic, you can see why people hold back.

AitchTwoOh · 15/02/2009 22:28

no, i absolutely can't. i didn't realise that i was doing it for the applause.

LuckySalem · 15/02/2009 22:31

Your not after the applause though Aitch - Your hoping that your not gonna get shouted at in the street/reported etc. THAT is why I hold back sometimes.

LuckySalem · 15/02/2009 22:32

But again not if child in immediate danger/alone.

AitchTwoOh · 15/02/2009 22:33

sure, of course. but it's the least likely explanation of the six second scenario the op describes.

StudentMadwife · 15/02/2009 22:38

my 3 yr old slipped my grip and ran out a store the other day towards the busy carpark, thankfully a couple were walking towards the entrance and grabbed him just before he managed to run across car park, i thanked them prefusely...if they hadnt he would v likely of been run over

AitchTwoOh · 15/02/2009 22:39

actually, this summer dd ran away in a supermarket, dh and i weere looking for her for EVER and some woman brought her back. i distinctly remember thinking i had not thanked her enough but i just wanted to hug dd, tbh.

nannynick · 15/02/2009 23:00

As a bloke, I do not intervene when it is a child not known to me. The risk is just too high for someone in my position, it takes very little to be accused of something I haven't done. I am pretty sure my liability insurer would not cover me in such an event as it isn't a child for whom I care.

StudentMadwife - if it had been a single male, rather than a couple... would your reaction have been any different?

I suspect not, as you had seen your child run out of the store... but if your child had just disappeared it could be a lot different, as Lucky mentioned earlier.

Does that mean that a women is more likely to help... I don't know these days - anyone can be accused of things, even when they are only trying to help.

At a toddler group things should be different, as many people there will be regularly going so will know many of the children. Alas some parents/carers are just too busy drinking their coffee/tea to notice what other children are doing, yet alone their own. Went to a toddler group on Friday where a child was throwing the toys at other children... the mother was ignoring it - and ignored it for some time. I tried speaking with the child, as I knew him as he had been cared for by a childminder friend of mine in the past but verbal alone wasn't going to stop him. I certainly didn't feel it was appropriate for me to physically attempt to stop him.

LuckySalem · 15/02/2009 23:09

NannyNick - I've seen this happen at my babygroup but LUCKILY we all know each other so we can tell the kid to stop doing that etc BUT I agree that they may not have been looking. I've watched a child trying to climb the wrong way up a slide and had to help before he fell back down again - mum didn't even notice the kid had left from her feet.

navyeyelasH · 15/02/2009 23:11

I'm a nanny and was inside the soft play with my charges last week anyway there was a little girl trapped inside the soft play crying because she couldn't get out. I helped her down by holding her hand and took her over to her mum.

The mum said "what have you done to her why is she crying" in a really aggressive way, I calmly said "I'm a nanny and was inside the softplay and I found your DC inside and brought her back as she was upset."

The mum replied, and I shit you not; "get your hands off my daughter this instant and leave us alone".

still think I'd help a kid out of the soft play though . I saw a man crash off his bike yesterday and a guy about 45ish in a suit on his mobile, stepped over him and carried on walking - I mean how rude is that!

navyeyelasH · 15/02/2009 23:23

Also just remembered another lost child about 2ish in the park last summer. He was walking around crying "mummy mummy" and no-one else moved. People were glancing nervously at each other though in the way that they do.

I just had a little chat with him and said don't worry we will find your mummy and the minute I crouched down to him the mum came over and said "excuse me what are you doing?". I tried to explain and she said, "he looks fine to me, why don't you mind your own business!"

Maybe I just have an annoying face?

lockets · 15/02/2009 23:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

CuddlyKelpie · 16/02/2009 00:03

See if I were a paedophile, I would not be in full view crouched down with the child. I think fastest possible exit is the name of their game.

For everyone else, if you see a person actually speaking to your child rather than trying to bundle them into a vehicle, or away howabout reviewing the situation and giving the person the benefit of the doubt? They might just have prevented your child from being approached my a pervert.

There are still good people out there you know.

KingCanuteIAm · 16/02/2009 00:21

Of course there are, but why would a paedophile attract attention by bundling a screaming child under hteir arm and legging it? Isn't it more likely they would behave like a concerned parent and try to talk to/ calm the chilld and get them to come willingly? Far less likely to attract attention/get spotted on CCTV etc with the advantage that, if the parent does show up, they can just say they were trying to help the child find the parent.

I agree that the vast majority of people who apporach lost young children are trying to help but I think it a little foolish to paint paedophiles as idiots who would be easy to spot by their unlikley actions.

CuddlyKelpie · 16/02/2009 00:47

I'm trying to explain why I and a lot of others feel unable to intervene when they see a child upset/hurt/alone.

If paedophiles were spottable we wouldn't have a problem would we?

A lot of people, including myself have been put off from intervening when a parent has treated them unreasonably after they have tried to do the right thing.

As a result I would probably not interfere. If that is 'foolish' to you then I say you are the fool.
If you welcome the abuse and potential litigation, more fool you. I don't and I won't.

AitchTwoOh · 16/02/2009 00:58

not so cuddly...

KingCanuteIAm · 16/02/2009 01:05

Beg your pardon Cuddly?

Go back, read my posts and yours then ...

Oh don't even bother, I can't be arsed

pinkyp · 16/02/2009 01:31

i would of helped the child up and passed over to the mum, i would prob been a bit shocked at 1st but would of tried to help. If it was 6 seconds the mum prob would of bet me but i would of asked if he was ok.
I dont think no mum or dad can be angry if you are helping their child up after they fall, obv unless u do sumthing stupid like pick him up by his clothes n say "get up silly" when he's obv hurt - not very sensitive etc then they might be annoyed.

cory · 16/02/2009 08:28

I would intervene if the mother was not around. But I would wait a split second to see if she did come running up.

Not because I am worried about being taken for a paedo- tough.

But simply because many small children are terrified of being touched by strangers- not because of any stranger danger stories but as a natural stage in their development. My niece would have been totally freaked out by being helped up by a strange mum at this age. And I know many children who would have been more frightened by the sudden intervention of another adult than by the initial fall.

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