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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel upset at this being left on my answerphone by the school?

132 replies

pacinofan · 10/02/2009 18:59

I received an answerphone message this afternoon from dd's school to let me know she was unwell and needed picking up. At the end of the recorded message, the teaching assistant obviously thinks the receiver has been replaced and says, 'that's a difficult woman'. I know it's difficult to judge without actually hearing it, but the comment was obviously made about me.

I am really upset, particularly as I had thought we had a very good relationship with the school, though it would appear that I'm wrong. The head teacher has called and said that he has spoken to the members of staff concerned and their story is that they said 'it's a difficult one', referring to my daughter's current problem with leaving mum in the morning. My recording is clear as a bell - the word used is definitely 'woman' and not 'one'. The tone in the voice changes, it is very clearly an unpleasant comment. The head teacher is quick to point out how professional his staff are and that they would never do this, yet I have this unpleasant comment on my answer 'phone! I have left it with him, stating that I am unhappy with the way things stand and would like an apology. Or is one supposed to accept this?

OP posts:
twinsetandpearls · 10/02/2009 23:30

They are nervous of me because I am northern and working class. Before I arrived their only experience of northern and working class was shameless.

TheOldestCat · 10/02/2009 23:31

OP - it's not unreasonable for you to feel upset; I'd be royally fecked off. And I don't blame you at all for wanting to take it further. But I suspect you could end up regretting it; after all, you could have the wrong end of the stick.

Can you take a few days to think about it before doing anything else? A bit of perspective could help.

bigeyes · 10/02/2009 23:32

me too me too twinset but I live in west midlands now

twinsetandpearls · 10/02/2009 23:33

No you need to come to rural dorset, us common northerners terrify them.

bigeyes · 10/02/2009 23:40

Oh how utterly charming darling! LOL

I am secondary are you primary?

twinsetandpearls · 10/02/2009 23:41

No secondary

bigeyes · 10/02/2009 23:46

Peeeerrrrleeeeeaaaase I ome to work at your school. the middle class catchment area that i am in midst of is terrible very little work ethic, arrogance astounds me and they are so ungrateful.

Oh give me deprivation of old place ay day last kids either shut/put up or kicked off big time. Not these arrigant little arrggh

RiaParkinson · 10/02/2009 23:46

the thing is - op- there is nothing to be gained by kicking up a fuss

yes it is nasty

i would be hurt ( am insecure!) BUT at the end of the day ( by which i mean a week later) i would think BOLLOCKS i am bloody lovely me and i am going to show them

Be lovely

she is the nasty little beatch ....

bigeyes · 10/02/2009 23:47

I am vented

twinsetandpearls · 10/02/2009 23:48

and now breathe.

bigeyes · 10/02/2009 23:52

Its hard work on here what with the thread about that polly at guardian one.

Anyway I am part time now and I am investigating my own business idea, TEN YEARS IVE DONE!

Yes breathe....

Bigpants1 · 11/02/2009 00:28

yes, in the scheme of things, its not that big a deal, but, if its upsets you, it matters. make a copy of the recording and ask for an appoint. with the Head. re your daughter- yes, the school might have seen this anxiety before, but they havent seen your daughter before, and while they are the experts in teaching, you are the expert in your daughter. never let them make you feel over anxious, you and your daughter need to feel the school is supportive and respectful.

bigcometobedeyes · 11/02/2009 00:44

Yeah bigpants

Always remember no one else will love your little like you do

BoffinMum · 11/02/2009 07:08

Bella, I believe another parent may just be doing that. It was the way the teacher had noncholantly ticked the list at the bottom that got me. Now if you're going to get them to write 'nigger', surely you should insist it has two g's? Unless you're teaching geography and you are referring to the river, of course. Or do you leave it uncorrected? Now that is a concundrum indeed.

Edam, there were words on DS's list I was not even familiar with. Now that's what I call lifelong learning.

Don't even get me on to what he did next (Allegedly Google 'gang bang' while the kids were getting on with their work, so a big picture of writhing humanity came up on the big whiteboard for all the little year 6's to see. However this will probably have put them off fornication for life, admittedly).

BoffinMum · 11/02/2009 07:09

Meant to type conundrum

gagarin · 11/02/2009 16:49

Boffinmum - is this for real? The swear words thing ?!

Never mind how awkward they thought I was I'd have been camped on the head's doorstep waving an RE book around!

onebatmother · 11/02/2009 17:11

and is the porn thing for real ? Bloody hell - that's serious bm. Huge impact on ten year olds..

morningpaper · 11/02/2009 17:19

The only thing that they did wrong IMO was to not replace the handset properly. There is nothing wrong with staff sharing their opinions on parents!! It would be a bit useless if they didn't!

So - the only thing you could do is send them on a course on How To Use A Telephone

onebatmother · 11/02/2009 17:38

"This is Poppington 581 - to whom am I speaking?"
That kind of thing?

LynetteScavo · 11/02/2009 17:45

OMG - the things client would hear me say about them if I didnt' replace the handset properly, or didnt' oput them on hold when I thought I had .

MrsFreud · 11/02/2009 17:48

lol onebat

...OP is clearly offended that not everyone in the world likes her...and demands an apology over it???

other people are allowed NOT to think you are as wonderful as you think you are!!

come hop on the sofa and discuss your insecurities m'dear.

Eve4Walle · 11/02/2009 19:11

I feel so bad for you. But have a suspicion that pushing this further might have an impact you have no control over later on.

I'd be fed up too, and feeling insecure and awful about myself, but my attitude would be (after I'd calmed down) to show them how nice I am and be all sweetness and light in my dealings with the school office so they can think they made a big mistake and feel bad about themselves instead!

BoffinMum · 12/02/2009 16:59

Swear words was definitely real. Seen evidence with my own eyes. Watch the media in case there's a story.

Porn was alleged with multiple reports sufficiently alarming to trigger reports to the Head, who claimed not to know what a gang bang is. She clearly doesn't know what management is either.

pointydog · 12/02/2009 17:29

I am aware of a 'swear words' lesson. When done prpoerly and in context, it can be fine. My dds have done something along these lines at school.

Pretty disastrous if you can't pull it off, though (no innuendo intended)

pointydog · 12/02/2009 17:30

(I have never heard it done as part of RME, I must say)