Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want a second baby at now

122 replies

broody4baby · 05/02/2009 21:35

My DC is 15 months. I am loving being a mummy.

DH is in the building trade, work looking grim but got money in the business to get by as normal for the next 7 months. After that we would really really struggle, BUT DH thinks the trade will pick up by then.

I really want to try for DC2. Others in my baby group are getting pregnant and I want to be too!

DH thinks its totally maddness and far to risky. AIBU to think things will be ok?

OP posts:
sorrento · 06/02/2009 10:14

There really is no point in worrying.
In 2000 I arrived back in the Uk in the clothes I stood in and a baby.
By 2001 I was hoildaying in the carribean having just bought my house (on a mortgage, not outright), but you see what I'm saying, I was so stressed and terrified about the furture when I had one child and yet such a short time later everything had turned around and I had another on the way.
We're now not in a great position financially again but my hubby and I have our health and our family and nobody can take that away from us (I hope)

violethill · 06/02/2009 10:22

That's a really positive message sorrento. Just goes to show none of really know what's round the corner.

mrsjammi · 06/02/2009 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

sorrento · 06/02/2009 10:29

Mrs Jammi,
My husband had a vasectomy in 2004 and I have been desperate for another baby ever since, I've nagged, cried, kicked his tyres had a full on screaming fit in Tesco's and now finally got him to agree to trying IVF and what happens, he looses his job
However mad this might sound, I am going ahead with the IVF. In 3 months I'll probably be crying that we've got bills I can't pay but stuff them I want that baby and British Gas can wait if necessary.

sorrento · 06/02/2009 10:31

I do also think and call me a nutter if you like but if you ask the universe for something it tends to happen.
That might sound crazy, but when I've needed something I have prayed for it and in one form or another it's come along. Not always how I've expected it too, (ready cash would be nice lol), but maybe I've suddenly found something I thought was lost that I could now ebay, that sort of thing.

Gavlaar · 06/02/2009 10:35

sorrento, you're a nutter!

you're trying to conceive knowing that you have no money! and knowing that your dh doesn't really want another child, but hey, you have a tantrum and he gives in for a quiet life. blimey, that baby is going to be part of a really stable family

sorrento · 06/02/2009 10:40

Whatever.

newpup · 06/02/2009 10:58

Sorrento. I do know what it feels like to have that physical urge for a child, obviously most of us do but sometimes you have to put sense before heart, if you know what I mean!

If your Dh is likely to be out of work for a while you are being quite selfish. Sorry but the poor man has enough on his plate trying to provide for the family he has and you want to put more pressure on him? If he has had a vasectomy after your first child, you must have agreed to this with him and his mind was obviously made up to go through with it.

IVF is pretty costly isn't it? how will you afford it? I assume if you already have a child and your DH has had a vasectomy you will not be top of an NHS waiting list.
I am sorry but are you expecting everyone else to pay foe your baby, cover IVF cots and benefits if you need them? You are being VERY selfish indeed.

Having a child is a gift and a responsibility not a right.

newpup · 06/02/2009 11:00

sorry, should read - to pay for your baby and cover IVF costs not cots.

violethill · 06/02/2009 11:07

mrsjammi - you are most definitely a nutter to want to start all over again and have teens and a baby!

Dropdeadfred · 06/02/2009 11:12

Don't be so mean to Sorrento - the urge to have a bay is a very strong one...most problems in life can be overcome but missing out on having another child can't be.

In 20 years she won't be regretting being skint in the past but she may regret not having another child for her whole life.

newpup · 06/02/2009 11:13

Not being mean - just honest

Dropdeadfred · 06/02/2009 11:15

So she is being selfish..well aren't we all sometimes? It's not like she wants a designer handbag and three holidays a year is it?

People coped with huge anounts of kids in the 'olden days' if she thinks she can cope then good luck to her!

mrsjammi · 06/02/2009 11:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Dropdeadfred · 06/02/2009 11:21

I have a 16 yr old and a 14 yr old and a daughter of 3yrs. I would give ANYTHING to have another but after 7mcs and an ectopic it doesn't look likely.

sorrento · 06/02/2009 11:27

I shall be paying for the IVF out of my savings. Unfortunately the NHS was quick enough to do a vasectomy but no funding is available on the NHS for reversals.Oh I was hoping somebody would bite the benefits bullet.
We aren't entitled to any and nor would we ever claim them even if we were.

PortofinosDHwillDieIfHeForgets · 06/02/2009 11:27

I'm with Gavlaar on this. Why do people insist on having babies when they CANNOT afford them? Sounds like your DH currently is under enough pressure to make ends meet, and his wishes should come into this. Otherise, if it all goes tits up, not only will you be skint, but your DH would probably be really resentful.

sorrento · 06/02/2009 11:29

Dh is fine with the whole thing now thank you very much and what makes you think he's the provider in this family ? Quite an assumption.

mrsjammi · 06/02/2009 11:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

veryveryworriedmum · 06/02/2009 13:50

"if everyone waited until they could afford children, then the western world would become extinct"

I am putting this up on my fridge thanks Mrsjammi!

PortofinosDHwillDieIfHeForgets · 06/02/2009 14:19

Well there's "not affording" them, as in a conscious choice that sacrifices have to be made, and that money will be tight. Fair enough.

Most people are in this boat - me included. I would love another but am not prepared to make the "sacrifices" financial and otherwise, that it would entail.

Then there is "not affording" them, when you are already living close to the knuckle, and the likelihood is that State assistance will be necessary in order for you to make ends meet. To me that is wrong.

sorrento · 06/02/2009 14:28

As I said there will be no state assistance required in this house, however I'm afraid there are millions of people who do require it and go ahead and have children anyway so I feel that if the OP wants her 2nd baby and there's a chance you might require some help in the future for a while then that shouldn't deter her. No situation good or bad lasts forever in my experience.

PortofinosDHwillDieIfHeForgets · 06/02/2009 14:38

But in the case of the OP, she states that her DH specifically doesn't want to try for another one just yet, because of his precarious work situation and the fact that things are tight already. No-one knows how long this recession will last. The building trade is already suffering.

This alone is enough to put extreme pressure on a family without throwing a new baby into the mix. I'm staggered at how many people would encourage the OP to "go for it" at the moment. It's just blinking irresponsible.

Leave it a year, it things are going to be fine, then will be the time to plan another baby.

newpup · 06/02/2009 15:09

Portifino - could not have put it better myself!

Sorrento - 'The NHS was quick enough to do the vasectomy but there is no funding for a reversal'

Do really expect an overstretched NHS to provide an expensive procedure such as vasectomy reversal because you have changed your mind?

You are irresponsible and selfish, if that is the case.

Littlefish · 06/02/2009 15:24

I agree with Portofino. He's not saying that he never wants another baby, he's saying that now is not a good time to do it. The recession could easily last more than 6 months. We're presuming it will be at least a year (dh has his own business).

You need to be supportive of his concerns about the business, not be putting more pressure on.