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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DP or just anyone to help with our stupid sleeping arrangements?

40 replies

AmIWhatAndWhy · 27/01/2009 16:22

But he won't as he gets to sleep in his own bed every night and it's all up to me.

DS (3) and DD (2) share a room. DS is AS and lately we can't have them share a room as he tries to cuddle up to DD in the night and she doesn't like it so wakes and won't settle.

Since Christmas I have slept in my own bed only once. It's been happening that DP takes DD to bed with him and he reads until she falls asleep, I sleep in her toddler bed next to DS , who wants to have a hand to hold in the night.

I can't see any solution to this, other than us putting the toddler beds in the loft and getting a double futon or something so I can at least get a good nights sleep when I'm in with DS.

But that seems to be an awful thing for my relationship with DP. Is anyone in a similar situation, or has been and worked out a solution? Going to bed is something I dread rather than look forward too as it's so difficult.

OP posts:
WEESLEEKITLauriefairycake · 27/01/2009 16:25

have DS in with you both?

separate childrens rooms?

Original poster
AmIWhatAndWhy · 27/01/2009 16:28

Thanks.We only have two bedrooms. DS will only sleep in his room and DD is starting to get worryingly attached to the idea of going to bed with daddy. I'm hoping this is a temporary thing but want to handle it right so we are not setting ourselves up for even more stress later.

OP posts:
CoteDAzur · 27/01/2009 16:30

Is he scared of something? Can you ask him why he needs to hold someone in the night?

How about a bunny/dinosaur/etc to hold his hand through the night? A nightlight?

littleducks · 27/01/2009 16:31

how big are the rooms? we have an ikea chair that fold into a single bed that i have in kids room for night feeds

Original poster
AmIWhatAndWhy · 27/01/2009 16:33

He has nightlights , fairly lights at the moment which he calls 'my christmas'. He has to have his same fish bedding on and no curtains or blinds.

Sadly I can ask but he can't tell me. He is 3 but has serious language and communication problems.

OP posts:
Original poster
AmIWhatAndWhy · 27/01/2009 16:34

The DC's room is massive, it's the biggest in the house. That's why I'm thinking a futon would be good, so he can sleep in his bed and I can sleep without being squashed in DD's. We really can't afford one but I'm getting drained from nights with terrible sleep.

OP posts:
laweaselmys · 27/01/2009 16:36

Sleeping nights on the trot on a futon probably isn't going to leave you feeling that rested either I'm afraid, they're not proper mattresses.

CarGirl · 27/01/2009 16:38

Why don't you and dh move into the the room with DC and let dd have the smaller room to herself with the toys & clothes etc.

So double bed and toddler bed/single bed in the biggest room - which actually becomes your bedroom.

luckylady74 · 27/01/2009 16:42

I think the futon is a good idea - one that is a sofa in the day perhaps so they don't think it's a permanent bed for you.

My ds has as and sometimes social stories work with him - use his photo throughout a story about him having a great time sleeping on his own and how dd is not to be disturbed.

Probably mad to suggest this, but could dd be in your room and you and dh bed down in the living room?

compo · 27/01/2009 16:42

agree with cargirl
you need to sleep in the same bed as dp
otherwise the kids will think this is the way things will always be
maybe when ds sees dd in her new 'big girls' room he might change his mind and want to sleep in there too at whoch point you can lay out how it has to be - ie no snuggling up to her
when they are bigger you could get bunk beds
but at some point you'll need a 3 bed place won't you?

Original poster
AmIWhatAndWhy · 27/01/2009 16:42

DD is very clingy too and needs company, they used to sleep fine with their two toddler beds pushed against each other, we'd often find then hugging in the mornings which was heart melting.

I'm hoping it's just phase with DS. Should we consider a king sized bed in our room, or are we just pandering?

It's so tough trying to make sure we give DS the extra care he needs whilst not leaving DD out iyswim.

OP posts:
Original poster
AmIWhatAndWhy · 27/01/2009 16:44

compo yes we will but we are in London, it's very expensive and not a good time to move. I imagine they will be okay sharing until they are juniors?

OP posts:
CarGirl · 27/01/2009 16:45

I would just swap rooms and have a bed next to your bed.

I would also get 2 single beds in the childrens rooms that way you have ever option covered and perhaps they will be happy snuggled up to each other again in larger single beds next to each other? Perhaps dd just didn't have enough space in a toddler bed with her brother snuggled up.

juuule · 27/01/2009 16:46

Agree with cargirl.

CarGirl · 27/01/2009 16:46

Are you and dp still having sex because if you are stop and tell him he needs to help with the sleep arrangements, it may help focus his mind on the matter

Also perhaps you should alternate who settles each one IYSWIM so they will have either parent rather than just mummy or just daddy.

Original poster
AmIWhatAndWhy · 27/01/2009 16:55

Oh yes still hving sex, just need to be creative. We do have two toddler beds, they are just pushed up together iyswim. Very spacious for two toddlers but not at all for me.

I think the futon may be the way to go (it will be useful when we have guests anyway)and to do social stories etc to try and encourage
DS. I think if I was in the room, and they were both in their beds they may stay all night? Wishful thinking maybe, but I may try it tonight using our blow up mattress.

OP posts:
Original poster
AmIWhatAndWhy · 28/01/2009 11:02

We had a result last night, I feel very well rested but not holding my breath in case it was a one off.

We made up a story about DD giving DS her favourite teddy to look after in the night. She fell asleep in our bed, he fell asleep in his clutching the teddy. Then we moved her into her own bed and didn't hear a thing until 7am.

OP posts:
Original poster
AmIWhatAndWhy · 28/01/2009 11:10

Cargirl, they do have two beds, sorry I didn't make that clear. DS insists that they are pushed together though.

OP posts:
laweaselmys · 28/01/2009 11:12

That sounds very positive! Hopefully that will work again tonight and you can start working on getting DD to go to sleep in there too...

Original poster
AmIWhatAndWhy · 28/01/2009 11:31

Thanks I am hoping so. The problem with getting them both to sleep in there is that they spend forever giggling and making silly noises, then when one finally falls asleep the other wakes them up.

I'm not sure how we'll ever resolve that until they are a little older.

OP posts:
laweaselmys · 28/01/2009 11:49

I think you're kind of stuck with that one, unfortunately. It's lovely that they get on so well though.

luckylady74 · 28/01/2009 11:54

That's really good news!

Blondeshavemorefun · 29/01/2009 09:20

can you not unpush the 2 childrens beds and put a small table/chest of drawers etc between them so ds cant have the beds together

agree you need to sort this out as soon dd will be hard to put to bed, you will always have to put dd to sleep in your bed

dont start something that you dont want to carry on

but the looking after teddy idea was good

bubblagirl · 29/01/2009 09:29

my ds has ASD and he has separation anxiety of a night time he has to be right near me

we have made a bed up on the floor next to our bed we put him to bed in his room when possible if not i go to bed early so he can fall asleep on little bed in our room

could you try separate bed times take dd first have her fall asleep then take ds maybe you could get him a special teddy for night time cuddles and then settle him down to sleep once asleep it sound like they can settle well so many do it separately at maybe 30 mins apart

VictorianSqualor · 29/01/2009 09:31

Do they both want the beds pushed together?
If so I'd consider getting a kingsize bed for them, and settling them both to sleep at the same time with you in the middle reading a story one night, DP the next and gradually withdraw yourself from the room.

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