to think soon-to-become-first time parents should go easy on...

[emkana]

...making declarations along the lines of "I see no need to let baby sleep in our bedroom, surely he/she can sleep in their own bedroom from day one?"

LOL Ninedragons

When did you go back to work then?

I remember being horrified at a friend's 4yo DS being able to work the TV and DVD player.

Now DD and DS get up at the weekends and sort themselves out with Cbeebies or KiKa.

And no child of mine will ever use a dummy, disgusting things

[hollow laugh]

bluyeshoes

we took dd to morocco at 7wks

it was ace

just like being at home but with better weather, a pool, someone else doing the cooking and cleaning, buffet dinners so we could eat in shifts, free drinks and DH not at work

best holiday ever

I remember moaning about the lack of sleep due to having a newborn to a childless friend on the phone

her answer 'why don't you put ear plugs in'

er, because you are actually meant to hear the baby crying, and feed it

MrsB, glad you enjoyed it. I too went on a holiday with dd at 6 weeks - though we had to be wrapped up warm. My dd was incredibly difficult whilst on that holiday. She was screaming every evening and not sleeping, quite the opposite of laidback.

I think the OP on that thread was talking a few weeks, just 2-3 weeks, assuming her baby came on time of course.

The idea of being in a swimsuit (enormous tampons???) with leaky breasts, and lying on a sun lounge tanning with baby (where? bf-ing?) is being slightly optimistic IMO, especially if it is her first.

dd was still screaming and not sleeping, also feeding a lot (hence the 'just like being at home' bit)
I lay under a parasol in a sarong with her camped on one boob and a book in my hand, just as if it were the sofa at home (but with more cocktails)
If I leaked it looked like I'd been swimming

You are quite right, 2wks would have been a different matter though - we didn;t book till dd had revealed her personality...

Still not back at work and DD is a year old now.

My boss is wonderful and as far as I know hasn't told everyone about my utter stupidity.

oh let them
let them enjoy their last delusional few weeks of freedom, sleep and high moral parenting values
smile and nod

Of course they should. But we all did it. I had a list as long am arm of things "we would never do". They lasted about as long at it took us to realise that babies don't read rules books.

Didn't bother again.

Smile and nod at them emkana, smile and nod

I do think there's a certain amount of "Ha! You just wait!" sometimes. I have told very, very few people I'm pg but even out of that tiny number I've had a fair amount of "Ooh morning sickness! Oooh tiredness! Ooh stretchmarks! Oooh you won't be able to do this/that/the other." and there really does seem to be a distinct air of put-outness that I've been carrying on as normal and have been OK. If I should carry on like this and have an OK birth and manage the baby OK then I do feel there will be a definite vibe of almost being cheated from some.

lol ninedragons

I was going to start my own business whilst on maternity leave. It was my dad who let me down gently on that one ... I distinctly remember thinking "but what's the big deal ... she'll just be asleep". HAHAHAHAHA

I now bite my tongue and log all the naive/judgemental (depending on my frame of mind at the time) comments my SIL comes out with, biding my time till they have DCs of their own.

I too thought that babies slept and were a piece of cake so long as they were fed and clean. Then along came ds who fed every hour and a half day and night and only slept if he had his head in my armpit. I stll went back to lectures after 10 days and finished my degree Also lost my mind as I did my finals while sucking frantically on mints to keep morning sickness away while pg with dd

Oh and my perfectly behaved ds who would not watch tv and would have nice, wooden toys now switches the tv on and hands me the remote while asking for beebies and his most treasured toys are bright, plastic cars. Happy days!

This kind of thing happens with teenagers too.We have had no end of a'advice' about DD1,who was older than our friends' children,about what was acceptable for teen behaviour etc,and how their children would never...blah blah.
Now theirs are hitting teen years,I admit to a certain gloating'I told you so' quite frequently!

Oddly enough, whilst having DS3, I had a middle aged, unmarried, childless and usually slightly unwordly boss who came out with, "Why don't you try coming back to work when you get bored, and bring the baby with you? It's not mobile, after all, so won't break anything. You can feed it when you like, and potter around everyone's offices with the urchin (note: his word not mine!) in a pram while you get on with things. If you don't like it, we can rethink."

Being an old timer with two children already, I huffed and puffed about the ridiculous nature of this suggestion, but indeed got bored and went back when DS3 was tiny, and it worked absolutely brilliantly. People just used to cuddle him when he cried and I was busy. Everyone loved it. The old farts used to babysit him quite happily while I went and got a bit of lunch. They practically adopted him, and seven years later they still all ask after him. It was great!

It's not just first-timers you know, my friend (who had 3 kids at that stage) used to go on and on about how all these other mothers made rods for their own backs, how she'd had her 3 sleeping through by x and chomping down solids of all varieties, parenting wasn't rocket science, yadda yadda yadda.

Along comes child number 4 - DEMON CHILD! Never slept, colic, fussy eater, etc etc etc. Friend promptly retracted all rash statements... Mwah ha ha ha....

I remember my sister saying that the nights wouldn't be too hard because she was used to going out clubbing I didn't remind her when a few months later she was demented with exhaustion, that would have been cruel.

But there again, I was going to have a lovely teenager who could hold conversations and wouldnt have strops. dd is 9, I am rapidly revising my expectations!

LOL YoungVisitor!!
I am just about to have my fourth so you have got me worried now - at least the others varied in temperament a bit so I suppose I do not expect miracles!!

Oh my god, I did ALL THESE THINGS!!

--I distinctly remember me & DP having a calm, intelligent conversation, agreeing that 'no way would we ever (not even once, so as not to create habits ) let the baby in our bed'. Reasons were, we needed to have 'a space for ourselves, the baby needed to learn boundaries (yeah right)' and other such nice sentiments. Fast forward 6 months, DS has spent every single night after 11 pm in our bed, every SINGLE night (at least he sleeps in his own room / cot for naps & from 7 pm-11 pm... that's some consolation). And he's very comfortable in our bed thank you very much, one chubby little hand is on my arm, his other little hand is on my partner's face.

--I also went out & bought a lovely mamas & papas moses basket, complete with a set of moses basket-blankets & sheets. My plan was to have DS in his moses basket, next to our bed, for the first 3 months (!!) & then to move him to his own cot / room. Little did I know. He never once- NOT ONCE- slept in his moses basket, he would scream bloody murder every time we even got anywhere near it. We rocked, we sang, we sh-sh-sh-ed. Nothing worked. The moses basket served as a nice place to put baby's laundry, and after 2-3 months I gave it to a friend. Hope she managed to use it...

--Rewind a few months. I prepared my hospital bag (aka huge suitcase) for the labour. Apart from all the clothes for me & baby, it included: refreshing foot spray (), massage oil (2 kinds), tens machine, refreshing face spray, cloths to wipe my sweaty brow, flip flops to wear in the shower, all sorts of moisturisers for face, body, lips, travel-sized shampoo, shower gel etc. I won't go on, you get the picture. What happened when labour pains hit was that we ended up rushing to hospital like people do in hollywood movies (waters broke & contractions were every 3 mins immediately) & we actually forgot the suitcase . Thankfully (well at least thankfully for this reason, because otherwise it was hell) we were sent back home... and then when we next went to hospital we did take the suitcase. Needless to say, NONE of the creams, refreshing sprays, oils, gels etc were used.

--I also swore before I had my son that I would not be one of those mothers who talk all the time about their children, about nappies, about weaning etc. Again, fast forward 6 months, and I'm a regular contributor to the 'puree lovers' thread on the weaning board (!), have become an expert in all matters nappy / sleeping / feeding related, and love love love my baby-related conversations.

--Last but not least. I would hire a babysitter at 3 months & get back to my PhD. (Or even more optimistically, DP & I would share the babycare & I would do my PhD while he looked after the baby in the other room ). What happened in practice? No PhD work whatsoever has been done (we're now 6 months down the line). We have indeed hired a babysitter for a few hours a week (supposedly to do my PhD). When she's here I keep popping into the room where she is with the baby & asking 'everything ok? How are you doing?' just to see my boy . I also have used all the hours she comes here to have showers / take naps / puree food etc.

Optimistically (and not learning from my mistakes) I still have all sorts of plans for next year, when DS is 1 year old. I'm deluding myself that my plans will work out. But hope dies last, doesn't it, let me live in my innocence

I took 3 months maternity leave, not being able to envisage why on earth anyone would take more, and in fact planned to use all that time 'off' to:
Complete several work projects
Do all the planning and implementation for a new freelance company and venture I was thinking about
Sort out all my photographs fom the year dot into nice albums

And I'm thought of as 'sensible', on MN!!

I quickly became part woman, part sofa, with DS clamped blissfully to my breast 24/7.

These are very good.

My blindingly stupid predictions of effortless first-time (twin) motherhood. "How hard can it be?".....: -

1. I was going to breastfeed twins until they were six months old ('nuff said...)

1. There was going to be no plastic tat in MY showhome house. All their hand-carved, wooden toys were going to be kept in a wicker basket under the ottoman. Fast forward two years and my kitchen looks like The Early Learning Centre on acid and there are two (pink) plastic buggies, a pram, a plastic ride-on aeroplane, two plastic wheel-along tea trays (an abomination!) littered along my hallway.

1. I wasn't going to buy any pink toys and be gender stereotypical. All the wooden, hand-carved toys were going to be (hand) painted in neutral (doubtless organic) paint. Two years later.....

1. My hildren were going to fit easily into our lives. We weren't going to fit into their lives. (hollow laugh as I contemplate the eternal orbit of parents around Centre-Of-The-Universe offspring....)

1. My children were going to be impeccably behaved in supermarkets/cafes/restaurants/shops. And only last week I carried struggling, puce-faced, screaming twin out of Peter Jones as she thrashed and roared over a toy I wouldn't buy her.

1. I was only going to buy neutral baby products to fit in with my pale stone carpets and pale cream sofas. I am embarrassed to admit I purchased their bouncy chairs on the basis that they came in a neutral beige colour.....

I could go on. Forever in face......
Half the joy in pregnancy is the niaive assumption that everyone else before you has somehow just decided to make a COMPLETE meal of parenthood!!!

PMSL at 'ELC on acid'!

Bad Kitten, taht was also one of mine...I'll be ok with not sleeping because I stay up late all the time, and don't sleep much anyway!

Yes dear, but the thing is, when you don't have kids, if you are tired, you can just go to bed. And not be woken up by small screaming person two minutes later. Its a whole new world of tiredness. I got so tired in dd's first few weeks that I swear I hallucinated. Like the night she was crying and I Grabbed dh's head and pulled it onto my shoulder and started rubbing his back to wind him...He'll let me forget that one round about the twelfth of never...

HA! I insisted on a sewing machine for Christmas when pg with dd. Have yet to thread the thing.....dd is 5yo.

I remember saying I wasn't going to have children.

i used to wonder why SIL made such a fuss about leaving the house with her two unders two's and swore that if it was that difficult then i certainly wouldnt act like it was. i have only one dc (10mo) and the looks on my parents' faces the other day as it took us quarter of an hour to get sorted while they stood there doing nothing to help! i hear it only gets trickier too ??

Well mine were:

"never having dummies, disgusting things!" (I heart the dummy, best self soothing/nipple saving device ever.)

"or watching too much TV, it's all about fresh air and entertaining themselves"
(I heart CBeebies, the lifesaver.)

"only tasteful wooden toys etc..."
(explosion in the primary coloured plastic factory)

My favourite slightly-off-topic assumption was from a friend who previous to being pregnant with her daughter, told me during a bout of piles she had, that apparently the pain is worse than childbirth. The tit!!

Having experienced both it did amuse me.