... to expect a breastfeeding group to be women-only?

[Anglepoise]

I quite possibly am, in which case this will be the shortest AIBU ever I am just unsure of the etiquette, having only been twice, but I was a bit surprised that someone brought their husband along last week. Not hugely put out, mind, just surprised. Am AIBU or is that quite normal?

Moondog, if that were the case then they probably wouldn't come back again...I've only been going since DD2 was born but no one seems to have been put off. Its a tough one and I can see both sides.

Was there somewhere else you could go in private if you felt uncomfortable being shown techniques in front of any men present? If so YABU. If not IMO if people want to bring their partners along it needs to be brought up with the person that runs the group that there needs to be somewhere you can go in private if you feel it necessary.

If someone has a dh who is so supportive that they go to bf support with them, then that woman is likely to succeed at bf anyway.

A woman who feels put off by the presence of a man is more likely to be the one who needs support as she has anxiety about public bf. She is more likely to stop attending and stop bf if someone else's dh is there.

If the purpose of the group is to increase bf success numbers, then I think it would be more successful if men did not attend.

How odd to take your husband.
It must have been SO SO SO Dull

Must admit that I wouldn't want to go to a BF group led by a man.

But then I wouldn't want to go to one led by a woman who had never BF.

Personally I think there's nothing better than experience when it comes to things like this.

And yes that may be unreasonable of me - the man who did my surgey had never had that surgery himself etc but it's just how I feel.

Ditto midwives who have never been PG or given birth.

I don't want blokes imposing on other women's early days ar mothers.
Clear orff!
This is wimmins' work!

hmm I can't decide but asked DH and he said it wouldn't bother him in the slightest if someone took their DH to BF group - even if he was perving at my boobs

Not sure I'd be as laid back about it as my DH seems to be.....I'd feel uncomfortable but probably no more uncomfortable than I would feel getting my boobs out in front of other women - I just don't like BF infront of others - I'm embarrassed - but hate the fact I am IYSWIM

This got long while I was out

It did occur to me that he should be the one going behind a screen or whatever, but afaik there isn't a private area at this group (though, as I say, I've only been twice - though have been in the room for other groups as well). There is a cafe he could have sat in.

DH comes to most things with me simply because he's currently between jobs, but it wouldn't occur to me to take him to bfing group and tbh it's sometimes nice to get out of the house and have a girly natter without him I think I would find it harder as a new mum to make friends if he was there as well.

Interesting to see that it isn't completely unheard of to have blokes there. It didn't bother me, I just found it odd - first few times bfing in public were scary (and it took me a few goes to do it in front of my uncle!) but I think it's important so do it anywhere now ... I would go to a group led by a man, I think, but would prefer a woman (same with smears etc). (tumtumtetum your comments have reminded me of a male GP telling me how easy bfing is recently )

YABU I think, I attended a bf clinic for a while, so maybe a bit different to a group but men did come along and were welcomed. The leader encouraged dh to have a good look at the latch so he could help me at home. I never considered other people might not like it. I will in future.

One day of the week it ran in the corner of the health clinic so all sorts of people could see (there was a private room if you needed, which I did once). One day my friend was doing that thing when you make your top half naked and lie down and see if the baby can make their own way to the boob (this wasn't on health clinic day btw) and next time she saw dh she apologised for exposing herself so much, I'm sure he thought nothing of it!! None of us thought it odd at the time.

I am intrigued by the making yourself naked to see if the baby goes to the boob thing ... Is this to encourage the baby to crawl or to latch on by itself or what? How much of a run-up do you give it?

@ run-up

Visions of naked women lying at lots of strange angles on the carpet while neonates rev up for action.

And one terrified looking emasculated fleece wearing chap in the corner thinking 'OMFG'.

Pmsl!

Seriously though, I have not heard of this! My all-welcoming, inclusive bfing group now seems very dull indeed

What if all the sprogs started wriggling at high speed towards the wrong mummies? Or towards a bottle of formula?

Doesn't bear thinking about

I would not have been happy about this when I was struggling in the early days of BFing my 1st DC. I only went to BF support group to sort out what was a v shaky start to the BFing, and having a room full of people there was off putting enough. A man there would have made me feel v uncomfortable. I have exclusively BF all of my babies, and am comfortable with doing it in public, but not happy with people seeing my boobs so trying to latch a new baby on before I had the breastfeeding established has always been difficult for me to do 'discreetly' - hence why I only fed at home or BF group for the first month or so.

My DH is really supportive of BFing and used to drive me to the group but I think he wouldn't have wanted to come in with me if it meant potentially making other new mums feel uncomfortable.

There was no private feeding area in our group - all sat in a circle.

It took a lot of bravado for me to feed in "women only" spaces in the early days. Even if I had a BFing friend for support and I was facing away from everyone else in the room! I would have run a mile from a BFing group that had men in it too. And I'm not particularly shy about my body - I don't use cubicles in changing rooms and have had male gynaes with no problems. The more I think about it, and remember how awkward I felt about myself generally after giving birth, the more I think that men shouldn't be allowed. Even though men who support breastfeeding (like the men in my family) are complete stars and need to be recognised as such.

Regarding hospitals - this is why there are curtains around each bed to create a private space, and why there are very strict visiting hours.

So what is the run up for a newborn? My DDs would make it across obstacle courses to get at my norks, I'm sure. They were/are very ^enthusiastic" breastfeeders.

Sorry, that would be enthusiastic, obviously.

That's awful, I'm so sorry.

But what if you can't get up to pull the curtains as you've had a CS and the baby needs feeding? And it's within visiting hours? But that's not the same as at the BF group I guess. Not really relevent probably!

I must admit I never felt comfy BF in public - I agree with Dandy that it must be very different if you are smaller of chest and can do it one handed. I always had to hold my breast with one hand and the baby with the other as well. I never BF in public and won't with my next one either. Love to see other people doing it though!

That was for DandyLioness, obviously.

In hospital they came round and opened the curtains each morning and I would just wait the minimum amount of time I felt polite, then shut them again - largely because of all the visiting DPs.

one needs to consider other's feelings.as much as her dh may have helped her,i'd have been uncomfortable with it

if they wish to support as a couple,fantastic.but book a couple consultation

Sorry - was adding the hospital thing because I know that that was one of the main reasons why they restricted visiting hours at the hospital where DD was born. So that women would have a large degree of privacy to establish breastfeeding. I suppose they can't stop people visiting at all. Although I wouldn't have minded that.