... to expect a breastfeeding group to be women-only?

[Anglepoise]

I quite possibly am, in which case this will be the shortest AIBU ever I am just unsure of the etiquette, having only been twice, but I was a bit surprised that someone brought their husband along last week. Not hugely put out, mind, just surprised. Am AIBU or is that quite normal?

yanbu....i would have asked him to leave.

I wonder how many men would agree to go along just to look at boobies though

Adding that I'd have left straight away if it had been one of the dads from my ante natal group or someone I knew - way worse than a stranger.

I can only manage to bf with the help of my DH. He manages everything else around me and brings me juice etc so I see it as being a success because of his input as much as mine - does that even make snese?!?

BUT although I think they're entitled to be there I can also fully understand any apprehension felt by some females

am bfing my 3rd so am now used to boobs falling about all over the place, I don't like it but its for the greater good and I'm quite sure they're as uncomfortable as me and just as quick to look away

I think it's good that the woman's dh wants to be involved. YABU.

Tricky.
Lovely that a bloke wants to be so involved but the presence of a strange man in those early very fragile days could be just too much for some womenn

I'm very open to the idea of men supporting women to bf, normalising etc but as a new mum I would not have got any support from a bf group where men were present. At a time when you are learning and more than a little insecure about your own parenting skills and body image even having other women around can be a big deal for some women and personally I would have left and not asked for advice rather than feed infront of a man who was not my husband (it took a while to be able to be comfortable feeding infront of him!).

I think BouncingTartan had the best plan - welcome to attend the group for the second hour and a screened off area for private advice and feeding when mum's don't feel comfortable.

Men have come along to my breastfeeding group. When they do the person "leading" the session asks if anyone minds...personally I don't but can understand how others might. I think its there to provide support to whoever needs it not just women so I guess I think YABalittleU. Also what if you've had a cs or don't drive? Maybe a DH/DP is the only way she could get to the group.

You'd feel awful speaking up and saying you minded though wouldn't you?

BT, even that isn't right.A woman who is feeling shaky and exhausted after having a baby and gettting to grips with b/feeding probably doesn't have the mental strength to say 'Actually,yes I do' even if she does.

I can see both sides, and of course we all want men to support their partners, and for public breasfeeding to be normalised.

But, BF support groups are pretty much the only spaces that exist purely to make BFing easier and more comfortable. And it's not at all unusual for BFing women, especially inexperienced ones, to feel uncomfortable in front of men.

So I think the default position should be that men aren't allowed; if a man has a specific reason for coming, then he's the one who should have to go sit in a special room or behind a curtain.

Yes Policy!

i wouldnt have been to happy, im pretty sure the group i attended was nbo men......well at least they shut the blinds when workmen/the window cleaner came

But you have to breastfeed in hospital with the men visiting people at the other beds all around you...

I can see why some people might not like it - I wouldn't be super-comfortable - I never breastfed in public myself.

But when a DH came along to our post-natal group in the very early days when we were all waving the babies around not knowing what to do, desperately trying to get them on the boob and squirting milk across the room, I put up with it. Because it was his baby too and TBH you have to respect any man who is willing to go along to a group like that to help his DW, knowing he will probably be the only one there and will probably feel v embarassed himself.

I think it's a bit off to exclude loving fathers from things aimed at helping their partners and children.

But in this case, a man who is helping his partner might be actively hindering someone else. Possibly someone who doesn't have a particularly supportive partner and really needs the breastfeeding support from the group!

Don't get me wrong, I'm all in favour of men who are supportive of BFing. My dad, DP and brother have all been brilliant about it and I really respect them for it.

I'm unsure too.
I know I would have felt even more inhibited by a bloke, though I would be pleased to see someone being so supportive.
It is all very well trying to normalise breastfeeding, but a man's presence at a bfing group will not fix a huge societal problem and amight inhibit struggling mothers even further.

x-post.
policywonk put it beautifully!

I doubt we will be at a point where BF groups are full of loads of men any time soon!

While i can see it would be unnerving, and when it happened to me I was unnderved, I think it is a bad idea to actually ban men from these sorts of things. That just reinforces the idea that babies are women's business and the male role is less important.

As these situations where men turn up are probabyl really rare I would have thought dealing with them as they arise would be best - a blanket policy of banning them seems harsh. Especially if the DH wants to do everything he can to support his DW.

The idea of a couple of hours no partners and a couple of hours with partners seems a good compromise.

YABU one of the few things that actually improves breastfeeding rates is a well educated (wrt breastfeeding benefits), supportive partner.

Anything which normalises breastfeeding - makes it something not to be ashamed & embarrassed by - is a good thing. The only way we are going to improve rates is to radically change attitudes & having men involved is vital to that. Women are never going to stop being embarresed by breastfeeding if it is constantly seen as something just a little bit taboo or odd 'oooh can't have men looking at boobs can we?' It is completely counterproductive.

There were plenty of partners who attended the BF group I went to with my dd (8 years ago)

A LLL leader that I know said she knew a male LLL leader. I was very surprised at first, but she said he was really good.

So would that put people off? Or is it somehow different to a DH being there?

Or what if it was Jack Newman running the group?

The other problem with having men come along is when women in the group follow religions which prohibit them from exposing themselves with a man there anyway.

In practice it's going to be whatever is suitable for each group.

I would have attended a BF support group led by a man, but I bet a lot of women wouldn't.