to be annoyed that the catholic church is basically saying its ok for men to not want to change nappies?

[AnguaVonUberwald]

We are getting DS christed soon, and as DH is catholic we went to see the local catholic priest about it and were given a booklet about baptism.

Now this is a glossy, 20 page booklet obviously not just produced by the local church, it must be something produced on a much wider scale.

In it they talk about having a baby, your family life, etc and they say:

"accepting each other's views and limitations makes it easier to work out how you wil organise your family life. For example, if dad just can't bring himself to change the baby, there is really no point in mother feeling low and envious of the girl at the clinic whose husband does everything; after all, he may have other failings. Better for each to build on the positive points they find in their relationships."

I find this so annoying and insulting and patronising. How dare they suggest that something so vital to a baby can just be shrugged off by the father as "I can't bring myself to do it"

They don't go on to make any equivalent "mum can't do it" examples either.

It makes me angrier every time I think about it!

the last bit though is quite sensible
There are loads of things I can't do that dh does and vice versa

heh

yanbu

what were you expecting?

I mean yabu!

Sexist and patronising. Not a good example at all.

Posie, I think the OP would have been happier if the pamphlet had also said: and if the mother can't bring herself to change nappies, the dad should do it.

And she has a good point.

yes but we are talking about the mother church here

I know I know, its not exactly a news flash "catholic church is sexist" But still! It makes my blood boil and has put me right off having DS christened catholic!

It's just a crap example. Only complete wusses, of whatever sex, can't "bring themselves" to change their own baby's nappy.

well now that you are involved in the Cathoic church why don't you volunteer to update your priest's literature?

please do not start an 'AIBU to be upset that the catholic school says contraception is a sin?' thread

Cory, thats exactly it, if they had gone on to say - if mum can't bring herself to be a stay at home mum, dad should consider working part time - then I wouldn't mind at all!

Its the complete on sidededness of it!

But if the Dad is a great Dad in every other way, no nappy really isn't a big deal. It's just an example.

sorry - one sidedness

Posieflump - this appears to be national literature, its definatly not just from the local church - too big and glossy and with no local references on it at all.

mysterymoniker - who mentioned contraception? not me!

lou - yes it is, the baby wouldn't survive unless somone changed their nappy - plus where is the equivalent, mum can't cope example?

YABU if that's the only thing that makes you think that the Catholic church is sexist and patronising!

I was born and brought up in that sort of environment and long since washed my hands of it, of course YANBU to be annoyed - it would be fab if you could get it reworded to more accurately reflect real life!

lou031205 on Sat 24-Jan-09 09:54:47
"But if the Dad is a great Dad in every other way, no nappy really isn't a big deal. It's just an example."

Yes, but what if the Mum is a great Mum- does that let her off nappy changing? And if not, why not- discuss!

If you provide one example of a man not being able to look after a child and no corresponding example of a woman, then you are saying something.

The catholic chuch also takes the view that, if a woman divorces her dh, then re marries, she has been unfaithful (i heard this line spouted by the priest at my dnephews christening) but thats the cathlic church for you, they have always been sexist

I don't find that offensive at all - maybe the example was a bit reminiscent of a 50s housewife but the message of concentrating on the things your partner does well rather than focusing on the bad points is a good message.

it makes me realise how much it's screwed with my mind over the years - I won't get divorced even though we've been separated for over a decade and don't see/speak to one another for years, and I've gone on to have another child, because it is Wrong, even though I know it wouldn't be really

Pretty sure that one does work both ways Vinegar Tits.

in any other circumatance YANBU

but as with most dealings I have had with the Catholic Church this sort of backward thinking is in almost every part of the system.

If this upsets you maybe you should look at many other aspects of the church before you decide to baptise your child into this faith.

noonki, we will be looking at it closely. DH is the catholic and at first I was quite happy for DS to be baptised catholic, but the more I think about it the less sure I am!

I know how you feel, my DH is anglican and at first I thought I wasn't that bothered either way, but the more I thought about it the more I realised it wasn't something I was comfortable with, unless they choose to later in life.