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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be furious that DPs ex-wife is telling her mates I am pg?

80 replies

bratnav · 20/01/2009 09:54

Cos I bloody am

The only reason she knows is that DD1 overheard a conversation between DP and I, so we agreed to tell DDs and DSD on a 'special secret' basis. This is what we have in our family for things which must ABSOLUTELY not be discussed with anyone (birthday presents/surprises etc).

We felt that we both had to tell our ex partners as a matter of politeness.

I have since found out that DPs ex has been gobbing off to all her friends and family (presumably in a sneery way) that I am pg.

WE haven't told anyone other than our parents and siblings.

Aaaargh

OP posts:
morningpaper · 20/01/2009 09:56

sorry but YABU

You can't expect children to keep secrets (in fact I don't like telling them they should)

if you wanted to keep it secret, you should have avoided letting your children find out

Original poster
bratnav · 20/01/2009 09:57

the DDs and DSD have told noone, it is his ex that has told people.

OP posts:
Lauriefairycake · 20/01/2009 09:58

then your ex told her?

Lauriefairycake · 20/01/2009 09:58

sorry, your dh told her?

or the children did?

KewcumbersRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 20/01/2009 09:59

you aren't being unreasonable to be furious but unrealistic. Can't imagine many ex-parnres would take much notice of what you want/feel unless you have a very good relationship wiht htem. Personally I wouldn;t have told the exP's

MrsBrendaDyson · 20/01/2009 09:59

yeah, ummm....whilst annoying behaviour, you really shouldn't be silly enough to trust children to hold their own piss!

TrixieVix · 20/01/2009 10:00

What an absolute cow - it's not her news to tell!!

I got annoyed with people at work telling others before I'd got a chance last time I was pg, as I just felt it wasn't their news to tell, so I would deffo be annoyed with DH's ex telling people.

IMO YANBU

TrixieVix · 20/01/2009 10:01

If it makes you feel any better, DH's ex is a midwife at our hospital, so she'll most likely be telling all our friends before we do, so maybe I feel more emotive on this subject as a result

boredveryverybored · 20/01/2009 10:02

So you both told your respective ex partners. And his ex is now telling people?
Tbh, I think you are being a bit unreasonable. You can't expect people to keep your secrets unless you have a good enough relationship with them to ask them to do so.
If you have not yet told everyone you need/want to tell yourselves, then you should have held off on telling the ex's imo.

Original poster
bratnav · 20/01/2009 10:03

DP and I were trying to do the right thing, we thought about not telling XPs, but thought it was rude and inconsiderate of their feelings, so we told them.

Stupid us for trying to think of others

OP posts:
harleyd · 20/01/2009 10:03

oh so what
bigger things in life to get worked up about
enjoy your pregnancy

NewAmazingBeginning · 20/01/2009 10:04

I don't see that you needed to tell your exes tbh,

It is done now. Learn from it in future and get on with enjoying your pregnancy. They can only spoil it for you if you let them.

TigerFeet · 20/01/2009 10:04

How annoying that she couldn't keep it to herself, but ex parters can be loose cannons and aren't likely to respect your wishes or dignity. I wouldn't have told her myself, but what's done is done. YANBU to be upset that her gob is flapping.

Could it be that she's jealous or upset? Could she be talking to her friends looking for sympathy perhaps? Is she usually the sneery type?

Does this mean that you're going to have to tell other people before you wanted to? Hopefully you'll just be able to ignore her behaviour.

NewAmazingBeginning · 20/01/2009 10:05

rude?

Tee2072 · 20/01/2009 10:06

I guess what I don't understand is why you needed to tell you X's before your own friends. Seems a bit odd to me.

TigerFeet · 20/01/2009 10:07

I don't think it would have been rude not to tell them before anyone else, not at all.

morningpaper · 20/01/2009 10:07

Ermmmm

This is her ex-partner, and her children's father, who has impregnated another woman

It might be the sort of thing that she needs to discuss with people?

I'm not sure that calling her a cow is very appropriate

Original poster
bratnav · 20/01/2009 10:08

We thought that the DCs might want to talk to their other parents about it, so it seemed only right that we told them and not the DCs

OP posts:
Original poster
bratnav · 20/01/2009 10:10

OK MP, point taken, either talking to her DP or a close friend is fine, but she has told LOADS of people via the magic of Facebook

IMHO, advertising someone elses private life like that, regardless of who they are is not acceptable.

OP posts:
Lauriefairycake · 20/01/2009 10:12

but you can't control what people say about you (unless you're Mugabe )

And it's not private once you tell someone who is not obliged to keep it secret.

morningpaper · 20/01/2009 10:12

she is probably just stressed about it all

it is a pain in the arse but you have to keep these things secret until you want the whole world to know

ThePregnantHedgeWitch · 20/01/2009 10:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
bratnav · 20/01/2009 10:15

I agree we can't control other people, but DP and I both made the point that it was important for us that this was kept quiet for a while when we told both XPs.

I stupidly assumed that they both might respect this. My XP has, why the heck can't she, or at least not broadcast it on an international website FFS

OP posts:
Lauriefairycake · 20/01/2009 10:15

your xp hasn't as he told her.

Original poster
bratnav · 20/01/2009 10:20

No Laurie, DP and I told my XP and his XP as we thought it was respectful to them.

OP posts: