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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be furious that DPs ex-wife is telling her mates I am pg?

80 replies

bratnav · 20/01/2009 09:54

Cos I bloody am

The only reason she knows is that DD1 overheard a conversation between DP and I, so we agreed to tell DDs and DSD on a 'special secret' basis. This is what we have in our family for things which must ABSOLUTELY not be discussed with anyone (birthday presents/surprises etc).

We felt that we both had to tell our ex partners as a matter of politeness.

I have since found out that DPs ex has been gobbing off to all her friends and family (presumably in a sneery way) that I am pg.

WE haven't told anyone other than our parents and siblings.

Aaaargh

OP posts:
HunnyBunnyTigerFeetMummy74 · 20/01/2009 11:05

(whoops sorry need to change my name back )

Astarte · 20/01/2009 11:06

The risk you take before 12 weeks is that sadly the pg may not progress and if you have reservations about it being public knowledge before then, then perhaps you really shouldn't have told anyone at all.
It is of course your choice when to tell anyone.

Your children wouldn't be any the wiser for not knowing before 12 weeks and could still be the first to know, but likewise it wouldn't matter so much if it did become public knowledge as you'd be over that first trimester hurdle IYSWIM.

What is done is done. Hope you have a happy and healthy pg )

morningpaper · 20/01/2009 11:06

she just sounds UPSET

I think you have to ALLOW her to be upset

Original poster
bratnav · 20/01/2009 11:06

No the DCs can't see it as the only website they go on is Cbeebies, and that is rarely.

She has changed her 'status' now, presumably the mutual friend who saw it has suggested that it is not appropriate?

OP posts:
ANamesANameForAThatsTaken · 20/01/2009 11:07

what's her status now and what was it before?

She sounds hurt tbh.

Astarte · 20/01/2009 11:09

You know what, I think I'd put up on FB

"Bratnav is thrilled to be pregnant and wants the whole world to know how happy she and DH are"

If everyone can already see it, tell it like it is I say

morningpaper · 20/01/2009 11:09

I think just STEP AWAY FROM THE FACEBOOK

HunnyBunnyTigerFeetMummy74 · 20/01/2009 11:11

TBH, no matter how upset she might be, there's no need to do something like that. It's childish and spiteful and completely unneccessary

MrsBrendaDyson · 20/01/2009 11:13

people who use facebook to put across a point are rubbish.

either communicate or dont but dont cyber snide, its ridiculous.

MrsTittleMouse · 20/01/2009 11:13

I would be angry about it too - you told them as a courtesy and to make things easier for your children and asked them to keep it quiet - but she's using it to point-score.

How pregnant are you? I'm guessing it's before 12 weeks.

Original poster
bratnav · 20/01/2009 11:13

Anames - it was "exW" is amused that "DP" has managed to get "bratnav" pregnant already.

now it's "exW" is excited about "her current DPs" birthday

You're right MP, stepping away from the FB now, it will only upset me.

OP posts:
Jackstini · 20/01/2009 11:13

YANBU no, you specified you were telling her out of respect as you had decided to tell the DCs.
As she agreed to your face to keep it a secret until you are 12 weeks (which is perfectly understandable) then she should not have gone back on her word behind your back.
Nothing you can do about it now but completely understand why you would be pissed off.
Good luck with your PG and ignore her pettiness. (how many weeks are you now? Hopefully you will be happily telling people soon anyway)

Original poster
bratnav · 20/01/2009 11:14

Oooh, tempting Astarte, as long as the scan goes well this afternoon I may well do so.

OP posts:
MarlaSinger · 20/01/2009 11:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoteDAzur · 20/01/2009 11:19

Drop her as your FB friend.

If she notices and asks why, say you found reading her status updates on your pregnancy upsetting.

Astarte · 20/01/2009 11:21

good luck with the scan

Revenge is a dish best served cold, as they say, if that's your cuppa.

Although I'm not encouraging you to seek revenge, I would wait for the scan, check everything is good, post the scan picture on fb with the 'news' and wait
a) all the congrats to flood to your fb page
b) for the thread in AIBU .

I'd love to be able to say rise above it, but I know I wouldn't be able to do so if I were that furious. I'd simply have to give her a small taste of her own medicine

womblingfree · 20/01/2009 12:13

I can possibly understand her need to talk about it, but 'announcing' it on Facebook - WTF!!!

AprilMeadow · 20/01/2009 12:42

Bratnav, what a complete cow the ex is! It sounds like she is jealous!

If i were in your position then i wouldnt have told ex in the first place, but what is done is done.

Who gives a damn if she is 'stressed'. FFS! If your dp asked her to keep it a secret then she should have respected your wishes. But if she is of the gobby variety then perhaps she shouldnt have been told.

EX's have NO right to be told - you are not together and its none of their business. I didnt expect my ex to call me when he got his gf pg and i certainly didnt tell him when i was pg. Why they hell would you WANT to know.....?

Bratnav probably wanted to get to the magical 12wk mark which is the end of feb/early march before the secret was out of the bag.

Do you think it would be worth your dp having a word with her?

Haribosmummy · 20/01/2009 12:48

To be fair though, if you want to get to the end of the magical 12 week mark you don't mention it TO ANYONE.

I didn't tell anyone I was PG till around 25 weeks (and the Ex wife was the first person told).

There again, I didn't KNOW until I was 21 weeks PG, so I suppose that puts me in a slighlty different catagory.

AprilMeadow · 20/01/2009 12:52

She wasnt planning on telling anyone, the dd's overheard a conversation.

Haribosmummy · 20/01/2009 13:07

If you are talking about a big secret, then you wait till the kids aren't there. And I don't mean not in the same room and I mean not in the same house...

In 10 years, my DH and I have discussed lots of things we didn't want to hear the DDs to hear. We wait until they are with their mum, even if it means discusion by e-mail (which it often does)

Hawkmoth · 20/01/2009 13:19

Oh lord, wish I had't read this! We're telling DPs XW this weekend as my DD knows and is likely to shout 'My mummy's making another baby' as soon as his DDs arrive.

Telling them before her, as she is likely to cut off all contact for the Nth time. Hoping that between Friday night phonecall and Sunday night drop off she will have calmed down.

Wonder if she'll do a public flip out... I have to say, I would be quite glad as once again, it would paint me to be the bigger (less craaaaaazy) person!

Haribosmummy · 20/01/2009 13:28

Tell her by text. That's what we did.

Face to face visits never go well and the kids are always there (or close by)

Get the kids with you and then text her.

We took the kids to France (skiing) and DH texted his ex once me and the DSDs (we travel separately) had cleared security (so she couldn't stop us going, IYSWIM).

But, DO tell her first. She deserves that, however mad she is.

plantsitter · 20/01/2009 13:48

I think you've behaved with nothing but integrity to be honest, and she's been a cow! Not sure why so many are so unsympathetic. Your kids found out by accident really so you told their parents so they didn't have to keep it a secret or end up being the messengers, which would be rubbish for them. DP'sX then spills on Facebook after promising to keep schtum. She is probably upset but it's not quite the same as chatting to a friend or two about it, is it? And it's really not classy either.

mrsjammi · 20/01/2009 13:55

This reply has been deleted

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