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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be fed up with the party bag miseries?

95 replies

highfive · 15/01/2009 13:31

What's wrong with party bags? If you can afford to do them - and don't fill them with crap like plastic tat and nasty sweets...what's wrong with them? I spent ages decorating bags for my dd's 5th party - I love art & craft so I made a real effort with them and I must say they looked lovely! I filled them with a small book, a wooden whistle, some stickers and a small chocolate bar. They went down well and I felt quite proud. Fast forward to the following Monday and a mum whose daughter had been to the party said "thanks for the party - X really enjoyed it - but why on earth you've set the precedent for doing party bags I just don't know....don't they get enough stuff without adding to their pile. Well, don't expect them at my daughter's party, I just don't agree with them"? Miserable cow - I was so surprised I just mumbled something and shuffled off like an idiot feeling like I'd acted very badly.
I know some of you dislike them/hate them but fgs what is the harm??

OP posts:

leoleosuperstar · 15/01/2009 13:33

Bah Humbug is what you should have said.

beanieb · 15/01/2009 13:34

what did you say back?

laweaselmys · 15/01/2009 13:34

She came off as a bit ungrateful - but I imagine she's just feeling put on the spot about her own child's party and what is expected of her in relation, but articulated all that very badly.

Don't worry about it, the bags sound lovely.

Tamarto · 15/01/2009 13:35

YANBU Is she related to the woman who moaned about crisps on a plate i wonder?

FFS what is it with people moaning about others putting some effort in

Buda · 15/01/2009 13:36

Yes they can be full of tat. Children don't need any more tat really. But children love party bags and generally love tat!

I love party bags!

RiojaLover75 · 15/01/2009 13:37

I think the party 'bag' idea is fine as long as they don't contain heaps of stuff, plastic tat, copious amounts of sweets etc. Also the bags themselves are a horrendous waste of plastic, don't you think?? Party boxes made or card would be better.

IMHO the party box should contain a slice of cake to take home.

Mimia · 15/01/2009 13:39

YANBU, doesn't she know she doesn't have to be a sheep? Just because you had lovely party bags doesn't mean she has to have any. I would have been delighted for DD to recieve a party bag like yours, but I wouldn't have felt the need to copy. WTF does she mean by you have set a precedent?

AbricotsSecs · 15/01/2009 13:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

highfive · 15/01/2009 13:40

Rio - I used brown paper bags with ribbons attached and stamped them in different colours. I think they were fairly good in terms of being "green"-ish!

I just sort of mumbled an apology and I can't believe I did that!! I was just so that she took me off guard...

OP posts:

mazzystartled · 15/01/2009 13:40

i am in the cake in a paper napkin brigade brigade myself, really - it's just more stuff, more expectation, more expense, when everything [from, kids parties to 7 night hen dos in prague] seems so excessive these days. [grumpy old woman emoticon]
however, she was very rude and a touch ungrateful, as what you did sounds very nice

Fimbo · 15/01/2009 13:43

She will be another one of the "I speak my mind brigade". All fine and well to speak your mind but sometimes these people don't realise they are just being plain rude and nasty.

Ignore the woman, your party bags sounded great. My dc {and me]would have been delighted with them.

RiojaLover75 · 15/01/2009 13:44

highfive well in that case I think your party bags sound wonderful! The other mother was probably jealous that you did such a fantastic job of them and was very ungracious to boot!

tootyflooty · 15/01/2009 13:45

Party bags have been the norm for as long as I can remember, just ignore her she was probably jealous of your creativity, now my dc (twins are nearly 11 ) parents don't seem to bother, they tend to send them home with a family bag/ bar of choc. much better for an older child. But when they were younger I did enjoy making up nice party bags.It can be pricey though when added to the cost of the party, especially if you have lot of children to cater for.my dns are
3 and 5 and party bags are still as popular.but I agree about not filling them with plastic tat, as that tends to go straight in the bin.

sitdownpleasegeorge · 15/01/2009 13:49

We recently received a lovely little drawstring cloth party bag with a sailing boat motif and ds1's name on it. The girls invited to the party had girly motifs + their names on theirs. To be honest IMHO it was a nice touch as the party was at venue where the food was included so the parents only had to sort out birthday cake and party bags.

The parents of the birthday girl are quite well off compared to the average parent and I never heard any bitching about it from any other mums at the school gate but I suspect that it's because they know I am very friendly with the birthday girl's parents.

Come on then everyone - if your child received a nice reusable cloth party bag and treats in it (I think it was a mini book and the usual glow stick and sweets etc) would you think the parents were showing off or setting a ridiculous precedent ?

I was thinking of doing something similar for ds's next birthday and stencilling some cheap canvas shoebags with motifs and names but I don't want other mums judging me the way highfive was judged so what is the general opinion ?

Original poster

highfive · 15/01/2009 13:49

Thank you everyone. I do appreciate the support. Funny how a few thoughtless words can make you feel so bad! Ridiculous [takes big breath and feels better having got that off her chest]

OP posts:

everlong · 15/01/2009 13:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StewieGriffinsMom · 15/01/2009 13:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Buda · 15/01/2009 14:20

You can get great multi-packs of books from The Book People too to put in if you don't want to do plastic tat.

Crayons or colouring pencils always good too. At least you feel they may be used!

stealthsquiggle · 15/01/2009 14:25

sitdownpleasegeorge - I have done some variety of fabric bags for most of the DC's parties and everyone has loved them - go for it.

I have had a couple of bitchy 'don't expect me to...' comments along the lines that the OP had about the parties as a whole, but I just let them wash over me because I don't expect them to do them same - I do it because I enjoy it. If that makes them feel bitter and insecure then that is their problem, not mine.

TheYearOfTheCat · 15/01/2009 14:35

I agree with stealth, people can feel a bit threatened that you appear to be a paragon of motherliness by putting so much effort into things.

I must admit to deliberately upping the 'Nigella effect' at times, to piss off my SILs [I know it's wrong, childish and passive aggressive, but I can't help it],

I think your party bags sound lovely, although I have never yet been organised enough to do party bags for my DC.

Bathsheba · 15/01/2009 14:45

I do party bags, but I only do healthy snacks, a balloon and a mini pot of bubbles...

I personally don't like receiving plastic tat or brightly coloured sweets by the handful.

notyummy · 15/01/2009 14:51

She is plain rude. My dd is only 2, so I avoided throwing parties for her so far. One of my friends with a child the same age has held a 1st and 2nd birthday party for her; big bashes that she goes to lots of effort for. It would never cross my mind to be grumpy about the fact that she throws wonderfully themed parties with handmade invites/bags/lush food. She is really arty (art degree) and doesn't work, plus has both sets of parents within 5 miles that offer lots of help. I am not arty at all, work 4 days a week with a long commute and have no family within 3 hours. I don't have the time or inclination, but I admire those who do, and am always grateful for the effort she goes to for her lovely parties.

mummyflood · 15/01/2009 14:53

How rude!

My view on party bags is they are a little 'thank you' to the guests for coming to the party - I always tried to remind my kids that it was their friends company they should be enjoying above the presents that they were given! (they are a bit old for parties now at 15 & 13, but always loved giving and receiving party bags) They were never lucky enough to receive hand-made ones but if they had been, I would have made sure they appreciated the effort which had gone into them and the personal touch involved!

kettlechip · 15/01/2009 15:00

Someone I know did party bags in decorated brown bags with a puzzle, some flower seeds for the children to grow, a bit of cake, a balloon and a couple of other little bits. They were really simple but went down really well.

Yours sound lovely, I would take her comments as being reflective of her own insecurities - don't let it bother you at all.

purpleduck · 15/01/2009 15:15

I reckon the other mother was a MN'er

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