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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be fed up with the party bag miseries?

95 replies

highfive · 15/01/2009 13:31

What's wrong with party bags? If you can afford to do them - and don't fill them with crap like plastic tat and nasty sweets...what's wrong with them? I spent ages decorating bags for my dd's 5th party - I love art & craft so I made a real effort with them and I must say they looked lovely! I filled them with a small book, a wooden whistle, some stickers and a small chocolate bar. They went down well and I felt quite proud. Fast forward to the following Monday and a mum whose daughter had been to the party said "thanks for the party - X really enjoyed it - but why on earth you've set the precedent for doing party bags I just don't know....don't they get enough stuff without adding to their pile. Well, don't expect them at my daughter's party, I just don't agree with them"? Miserable cow - I was so surprised I just mumbled something and shuffled off like an idiot feeling like I'd acted very badly.
I know some of you dislike them/hate them but fgs what is the harm??

OP posts:

Koumak · 15/01/2009 15:33

I am just in the middle of organising a bday party myself. Have been given the usual party bag so far. You know the drill the plastic bag and crayons/colouring book, sweets etc. so decided for ?upgrade? with our own. As it is a pirate party I am going to do bit of art/craft with the children to start with. Make hats and eye patch and pirate finger puppets from ELC (£1.75 in sale!!!) ? things the children can then take home. Also doing a treasure hunt in the end where each child will get their coins bag. I made them really cheaply by buying black fabric from IKEA and pulling string through it and filled up with chocolate coins from Tesco. They look fab though and make a great party bag.

Karamazov · 15/01/2009 20:14

I know party bags can be very un-MN but I like them and I don't care. I think these days big parties with mountains of presents can encourage the birthday child to be very selfish and 'me, me,me' and I think it always helps the child to remember to think about other people too and party bags can help do that. For example, when my DD had her Dora party, she gave the other children Dora books, and she selected which book to give to which child, helped wrapped it up, gave out the presents etc etc... she also chooses what she wants to put into her party bags, I think its good for her to think about what the other boys and girls would like at her party and it helps her to be a bit more grounded and less selfish.

Buda · 16/01/2009 06:18

Just remembered - went to a surprise 40th for a friend a few years ago - all organised by her DH and he had done party bags for all the couples. Each one had a small bottle of local champagne, either Hello or OK mag for the girls and a mag for men (can't remember which - think DH got Vogue for men), chocolate and a bottle of that Durex Play gel stuff!

mm22bys · 16/01/2009 07:29

Your party bags sound great.

The reality this that some parents do follow other parents. She clearly thought you HAD set a precedent (even though you wanted to for your own DD!), and now clearly feels obliged to follow suit.

She could very well not provide party bags, but maybe some other parents would look down on her for not providing them.

She's obviously only concerned about appearances....

(I started off going to YABU but...) YANBU.

Deemented · 16/01/2009 08:41

Party bags are a mammys reward for 2 hours spent with other peoples children.

ScottishMummy · 16/01/2009 08:48

what a succint observation deemented!

ScottishMummy · 16/01/2009 08:48

what a succint observation deemented!

TheYearOfTheCat · 16/01/2009 20:44

Maybe with the credit crunch she just can't afford to do them, but feels the precedent has been set and it will reflect badly / upset her DD that she doesn't have party bags.

ithinkimtallandblonde · 16/01/2009 21:09

I don't think you have to try and out do each other with party bags though do you?

My dd went to a b day party thrown by some very wealthy friends the bag was a gym bag with feather boa, glittery baton and some other bits which she loved but she is honestly genuinely just as excited with the cake in napkin and rubber ball,I don't care i know i'm not going to spend a tenner on a party bag, but i would probably fall somewhere in the middle. She is only 4 so maybe i have all this ahead of me. Will the other parents hate me if i go to a bit of bother?Which imust add is purely for my own enjoyment.
Her birthday is the last out of all her friends are they going to think i'm trying to out do them? Eeeek

June2009 · 16/01/2009 21:13

Friend of mine made party bags out of mini cereal boxes she got on freecycle and her daughter, 2yo, decoratated them with paint iirc. I thought it was a brilliant idea, not sure what she put in, definitely not plastic tat, probably some cake and a pen or something.

GrimmaTheNome · 16/01/2009 21:16

Each to their own. Its not a competition.

DD loves doing the party bags. We were starting to get some stuff today for her party and I managed to steer her away from the plastic tat, but not sure what to do for 10 year old girls... up to now her peer group has done mainly haribo and tat bags . She was adamant we had to have squeakers though!

ithinkimtallandblonde · 16/01/2009 21:21

10 y old girl what about lip balm lip balm? i've seen websites wear you can by in bulk for party bags. A bar of grown up chocolate?

Poledra · 16/01/2009 21:24

God, highfive I am literally looking for party bags for my DD's fifth birthday on t'Internet right now (OK, I've popped into MN for a minute). Will you do some for me please? Yours sound lovely. My DD loves giving out party bags to her friends, because she likes giving presents, and I think that's quite a nice trait .

Blondeshavemorefun · 16/01/2009 21:25

party bagsare nice but there is no need to go over board with them

a bit of cake and a small choclate ber and maybe balloon is good

you do go to partys and come back with a bag of crap, which the parent prob seont a lot of money on

last job we did a cheap book from poundland and slice of cake

Blondeshavemorefun · 16/01/2009 21:25

party bagsare nice but there is no need to go over board with them

a bit of cake and a small choclate ber and maybe balloon is good

you do go to partys and come back with a bag of crap, which the parent prob seont a lot of money on

last job we did a cheap book from poundland and slice of cake

lizziemun · 16/01/2009 21:40

Poledra

I just got these for dd1 5th birthday.

I agree about the tat. we just do a little tea party/playdate for dd1 birthday as her birthday is right at the end of 8 weeks of parties and christmas and everyone is partied out. So we tend to spend a bit more on party bags.

Poledra · 16/01/2009 21:51

Oooh, lizziemun, I like those - will show them to DD tomorrow, thanks

vixma · 16/01/2009 22:01

You enjoyed doing them for your child...as I have many times...stuff them!

chipmonkey · 16/01/2009 22:08

sorry, have only read OP but OMG what a rude, rude woman!!!!!!!
So what if she doesn't want to do them? Nobody's forcing her!

And as for setting a precedent, er, you're not the first person to do party bags, are you? They've been handed out at every children's party I was ever at and I'm 40!

Miserable cow! You keep doing your party bags, they sound fab!

FimbleHobbs · 16/01/2009 22:11

I like doing party bags - DS has his party soon and have done cloth bags with painting sets inside, plus maltesers and haribo. (NO sticky lollipops that last forever and embed into the car seat/sofa!)

The bags were free from work, painting sets were v cheap in the sales, sweets were cheap, and I will do personalised tags while I am at work - so all in all they will appear to be fab but actually have cost very little time or money to do. Also it helps that its a joint party so other mum is doing all the work on the food.

After this thread I suspect I will be pointing out how cheap and easy they were to all the parents to deflect any 'precedent' comments!!

pointydog · 16/01/2009 22:15

oh yeah, so fed up of them.

Lighten up, peoples. This is the fun stuff.

sophy · 17/01/2009 09:23

Each to his own I say.

I think your bags sound lovely.

Personally not keen if dc come home with plastic tat but have resigned myself to nasty sweets, although I know one Mum who goes through her dcs party bags and chucks out the sweets before the kids see them.

One mum I know sent kids home with popcorn-on-the-cob in a microwaveable bag, which went down very well.

In the past I have had a cooking party, where the kids took home the stuff they had made, and a pirate party where I downloaded pirate themed puzzles and jokes from the internet which I gave out with a bag of chocolate coins which was also fun.

Once I gave out puzzle books (bought in bulj from book people) to all the children and only one child complained!

I still have nasturtiums popping up in my garden from the packet of seeds ds2 was given in a party bag 3 years ago.

So I think it is certainly possible to fill party bags with imaginative cheap stuff which is not crap.

Although I am noticing a growing trend for parents to give out one single party gift -- but maybe that's because my dc are getting older now.

eco party bags website looks good, although haven't tried it myself.

angrypixie · 17/01/2009 09:36

If I had to drive a long way to a party (usually only applicable for family friends and cousins) I am always grateful for a party bag to keep the children awake occupied on the way home!

ChasingSquirrels · 17/01/2009 09:37

no harm, I just don't see the point - the guests have been invited to a lovely party and have had a lovely time (hopefully). It isn't their birthday, they don't need gifts.

That said, the mum quoted in the OP was incrediably rude.

I don't see other people as setting a precedent, I just privately disagee with them and do my own thing for my dc's.

Clarissimo · 17/01/2009 09:38

How rude was that Mum? I wouldn't dream of saying something like that to somebody!

It's ds2's birthday in two weeks; he has a harder time retaining friends than most of his peers because of our problems with play dates, so I am happy to bribe the 4 party guests with great (pre-packed to my shame) pasty favours- these are dolphion mugs (ds2 is fish mad) packed with sweets, stickers and rather charmingly a little choccy saying 'thank you for coming'.

There are alternatives- we did a lucky dip once to save cash (one present per kid instead of 4) but ds2 wants party favours.

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